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MamaLioness2012
Violent 15 month old? Is this normal?!
April 2, 2013 at 6:58 PM

Is anyone having problems with their LO being borderline violent? When DS throws tantrums he will start hitting himself in the head and banging his head against whatever is near, the wall, the TV stand, his chair, me. Whatever is handy. He is also bad about biting, pinching, scratching and hitting when he's mad. The past few days he has been trying to poke my eyes and when he was throwing a tantrum today he put a hand on each of my temple and put his thumbs on my eyes and tried to push like he wanted to gouge my eyes out! I asked my mom and she said to ask his doctor at his next appointment (in two weeks). So I'll be sure to be talking about it then, but until then, I need reassurance. Did anyone else have problems like this? even with your older LO's, did they turn out ok? Was it just a phase or should I be worried? I honestly don't know where he comes up with some of this behavior. He's sweet as pie when he's happy but when he's mad or tired he turns into a demon baby that I can't control. I've tried time outs, swats on the butt (as a last resort), ignoring it, soothing him...I just don't know what to do! Is this normal or what? I'm a first timer.

Replies

  • Salem2012
    April 2, 2013 at 6:59 PM

    I have a 13 month old but he hits me when he gets mad at me which i hate but not himself.

  • Luvmy2babies22
    April 2, 2013 at 7:26 PM

    my kids never hit themselves, banged their heads, etc.  but i've read lots of posts from moms whose kids have.  whether it's "normal" or not, I'm not sure so hopefully you'll get some good answers for that.

    I don't recommend spanking him when you are trying to stop violent behavior.  i don't know how to address him hurting himself so i can't speak to that BUT i can give advice on when he tries to hurt you.  when he tries anything physical with you, stop him before he causes harm, get down to his level, look him firmly in the eye and tell him "we DO NOT _______.  ouchies" and then walk away from him.  don't yell, just put on your best stern Mommy voice and make it clear that behavior will not be tolerated and then ignore him.  kids hate being ignored and if you take that power away it should help IF you stay consistent.  no matter what you do, you have to stay consistent so he learns.

    i hope someone has some good advice on the hitting of himself.  good luck!

  • GremlinMom
    April 2, 2013 at 7:32 PM

    I read that its all about how you say what you need to say. This is where he needs to be redirected. Now dont mistake me for a snooty high horse here, I am training my two yr old twins out of unlearned violent habits. Simply and CALMLY say "No, ______ is not ok." Sometimes just saying that instead of what he is doing is ok, because the long words will lose him. Like saying "hitting is not ok" or pinching, scratching, biting, is not ok. You would lose his attention if you said, "no, trying to gauge out mommys eyes is not ok." Never say, you dont hit mommy", you dont want to tell him what to do, because it turns into a choice. Behave, or dont. Never be specific on who not to do it to, because he will find another "victim", make sense? 

    Now at that age, the twins are two as of last week, I started the counting method. In short, it is not "CUT THAT OUT! ONE! TWO! THREE! GO TO TIME OUT! NOWWWWW! GO! STOP! GO TO YOUR ROOM! 

    You stay calm, and firm. counting is for STOP behaviour. If you want him to stop whining, hitting, throwing a "gimme" tantrum, pinching, etc. Count. Simply say "no, hitting is not ok. Thats ONE." Give him some time to correct his behavior, (like a few seconds, you can usually judge what they are choosing to do quickly) "thats TWO", some more time, "thats THREE, time out for one minute." And because he is violent, put him in his room, with a baby gate maybe? So you can watch him. Maybe get a timer and set it to one minute. Tell him "when it goes BEEP BEEP BEEP your time out is over and its time to behave." He really wont understand much of what youre saying, but now is the tiem to practice for when he does. But soon he will pick up the way it works. He is mean, one means stop, if he doesnt stop, stay in my room, now be good. The time out is to give him some space to calm down and compose himself. ALl you need to do is stop freaking out at his behavior and teach him that it is not acceptable. GOOD LUCK

  • IQuitCounting
    April 2, 2013 at 7:41 PM

    My son use to bang his head against the floor.  Did it once on concrete and that stopped him...  He's four now and when pissed with still sometimes smack himself in the head.  However he's never lashed out at others.  He was never a bitter or anything like that.  The occasional smack or scratch, but nothing that even became a regular behavior.

    Kids pre-speech have a hard time understanding and in turn communicating how they feel.  They lash out because that's their primary way of expression.  We found that teaching our son some basic sign language helped him tell us what he needed or wanted and that helped a bunch.  They also often don't realize the extent of the harm their causing.  I have to admit I've pinched back to prove the point on occasion.  Mostly we just drew attention to the part of his body that was offending and gave him a firm NO.  Again though, our son wasn't overly agressive.

    You have to just be consistent in telling him that the behavior is not appropriate.  It may not seem like he's old enough to get it but eventually it'll click.  

    On a side note, when you see the doc, ask about possible allergies.  Allergies can actually have behavioral sideaffects.  I was a nanny for a small boy that had a wheat allergy.  Before they discovered this any time he had it he would throw huge tantrums, violent, screaming, etc.

  • wonderstruck11
    April 2, 2013 at 7:42 PM
    My 16 month old hits herself when she gets mad, throws herself down, ect... I've researched and it is normal. Just a stage. Try not to draw attention to it; they will grow out of it.
    She also hits me if she is on my lap. I take her hand and say ,'be gentle' and rub her hand on my cheek. It works; now if she hits, I just say 'be gentle' and she stops and rubs my face instead.
  • Cooperfamily
    April 2, 2013 at 7:49 PM
    You are using the 1-2-3 magic!!! Lol. I just got the book :-)


    Quoting GremlinMom:

    I read that its all about how you say what you need to say. This is where he needs to be redirected. Now dont mistake me for a snooty high horse here, I am training my two yr old twins out of unlearned violent habits. Simply and CALMLY say "No, ______ is not ok." Sometimes just saying that instead of what he is doing is ok, because the long words will lose him. Like saying "hitting is not ok" or pinching, scratching, biting, is not ok. You would lose his attention if you said, "no, trying to gauge out mommys eyes is not ok." Never say, you dont hit mommy", you dont want to tell him what to do, because it turns into a choice. Behave, or dont. Never be specific on who not to do it to, because he will find another "victim", make sense? 

    Now at that age, the twins are two as of last week, I started the counting method. In short, it is not "CUT THAT OUT! ONE! TWO! THREE! GO TO TIME OUT! NOWWWWW! GO! STOP! GO TO YOUR ROOM! 

    You stay calm, and firm. counting is for STOP behaviour. If you want him to stop whining, hitting, throwing a "gimme" tantrum, pinching, etc. Count. Simply say "no, hitting is not ok. Thats ONE." Give him some time to correct his behavior, (like a few seconds, you can usually judge what they are choosing to do quickly) "thats TWO", some more time, "thats THREE, time out for one minute." And because he is violent, put him in his room, with a baby gate maybe? So you can watch him. Maybe get a timer and set it to one minute. Tell him "when it goes BEEP BEEP BEEP your time out is over and its time to behave." He really wont understand much of what youre saying, but now is the tiem to practice for when he does. But soon he will pick up the way it works. He is mean, one means stop, if he doesnt stop, stay in my room, now be good. The time out is to give him some space to calm down and compose himself. ALl you need to do is stop freaking out at his behavior and teach him that it is not acceptable. GOOD LUCK


  • GremlinMom
    April 2, 2013 at 7:58 PM

    I love it! They say its for older kids but I figured, why not start early and prevent the behavior altogether? Theyve done pretty good with it. I really learned a lot about kids by reading it. My mom tries to use it on my 9 yr old brother but claims it doesnt work for him, but it does when I use it on him. You HAVE to stay calm and be consistant. Just like it says. TAke time to think about different situations so you are prepared to act calmly and correctly. Grocery stores are what get me. As much as I try to keep snacks and toys for them, sometimes I cant stop the tantrums and I refuse to leave the store. So... >.< lol, good luck with the Magic ;)

    Quoting Cooperfamily:

    You are using the 1-2-3 magic!!! Lol. I just got the book :-)


    Quoting GremlinMom:

    I read that its all about how you say what you need to say. This is where he needs to be redirected. Now dont mistake me for a snooty high horse here, I am training my two yr old twins out of unlearned violent habits. Simply and CALMLY say "No, ______ is not ok." Sometimes just saying that instead of what he is doing is ok, because the long words will lose him. Like saying "hitting is not ok" or pinching, scratching, biting, is not ok. You would lose his attention if you said, "no, trying to gauge out mommys eyes is not ok." Never say, you dont hit mommy", you dont want to tell him what to do, because it turns into a choice. Behave, or dont. Never be specific on who not to do it to, because he will find another "victim", make sense? 

    Now at that age, the twins are two as of last week, I started the counting method. In short, it is not "CUT THAT OUT! ONE! TWO! THREE! GO TO TIME OUT! NOWWWWW! GO! STOP! GO TO YOUR ROOM! 

    You stay calm, and firm. counting is for STOP behaviour. If you want him to stop whining, hitting, throwing a "gimme" tantrum, pinching, etc. Count. Simply say "no, hitting is not ok. Thats ONE." Give him some time to correct his behavior, (like a few seconds, you can usually judge what they are choosing to do quickly) "thats TWO", some more time, "thats THREE, time out for one minute." And because he is violent, put him in his room, with a baby gate maybe? So you can watch him. Maybe get a timer and set it to one minute. Tell him "when it goes BEEP BEEP BEEP your time out is over and its time to behave." He really wont understand much of what youre saying, but now is the tiem to practice for when he does. But soon he will pick up the way it works. He is mean, one means stop, if he doesnt stop, stay in my room, now be good. The time out is to give him some space to calm down and compose himself. ALl you need to do is stop freaking out at his behavior and teach him that it is not acceptable. GOOD LUCK



  • corrinacs
    April 2, 2013 at 7:59 PM

    Hey mama,

    I don't know what is considered normal, but I'd definitely mention that to your doctor!  That sounds like a little much for this little guy, Ican't imagine!

    Good luck!

  • Mama_Dolly
    April 2, 2013 at 8:05 PM

    my son when he had tantrums will try to bite you or himself... 

  • MamaLioness2012
    April 2, 2013 at 8:13 PM

    Thanks for the input ladies. For the most part I already do a lot of what was mentioned, telling him hitting isn't nice, telling him to be nice/gentle, ignoring the tantrums (that's what my mom did for us. She would say "I don't want to listen to you crying and throwing a fit. You can go on and cry, or you can talk to me but I'm not going to listen to you cry." And she would either leave the room or send us out until we were done). I'm pretty good about using a stern tone and correcting him that way but on days like today I forget myself and snap, even after taking several minutes to myself to calm down. I don't spank him often but I use it as a last resort if nothing else has worked. But overall it's to the point that he's leaving bruises and cuts on me (cuts from when he bites...he's got all but one of his teeth) and mix that with the bruises he gets from banging his head on stuff or just falling down in general, someone actually asked us if DH was abusing us! The last thing I need is for someone to call CPS on us when we're not doing anything wrong!

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