Toddlers & Preschoolers

HLmom89
Oldest Ds hates losing and being last. How can i tell him its ok to loose or be last?
by HLmom89
January 15 at 9:13 AM
My oldest ds named Haiden will be 5years old in march. He is a smart, handsome, loving, and good at things like riding bikes, playing soccer or swimming, he is also good at video games(plays wii by himself or a game with daddy). He does great in 4k with matching and writing and his name has gotten better.
But i have noticed mostly at home he is a bad sport or has to be first everyday, even when we go in public. When we get ready to leave he has to be the first one in van if he is not he gets angry and pouts and refuses to get in the van. When we come home he has to be the first in the house otherwise he gets mad, if his brother is first or something he pushesa him. He has to be the first one in the elevator at drs or places with them and he has to push buttons. If i let his brother push buttons he gets mad and pouts even if i tell him u can do it when we leave or get back on.
He is also a bad sport. He gets mad if someone made a point or did better tha him. He pouts and cries or throws a meltdown. We bought a air hockey table for the boys to play. Both of them are good, but if my 2 year old scores a point my oldest throws a fit and screams i cant or i am done playing, and he walks away.

I have told him it doesent matter who is firt as we are all going to the same place. It doesnt matter if he looses as we are playing for fun. Cuz of this i dont play board games with him cuz he gets mad and kicks the stuff off.

Replies

  • angevil53
    January 15 at 9:17 AM
    Bahaha it's ok to be loose! Just don't tell your daughters that!

    No really though it's just something they learn in time.
  • corrinacs
    January 15 at 10:51 AM

    The best you can do is practice :) :).  My son was like that at one point too and it was quite annoying.  But I started playing fair and if he lost, he lost.  At ifrst he'd throw tempers but I would explain how I didn't think less of him because he lost.  I told him how in games, there are winners and losers and its sometiems nice that others win :).  You just be happy and have fun and it doesn't matter who wins in the end really :).  THat's made a difference.  Took a few times :).

  • PEEK05
    by PEEK05
    January 15 at 1:43 PM

    Sorry I don't know. My daughter doesn't care about any of that.  Here's a bump.

  • CorpCityGrl
    January 15 at 3:51 PM

    At 2, sometimes I see DD like that.  Every time she throws a tantrum or is a bad sport, I take her aside and I talk to her.  I tell that that she did her best and it's okay to not always be first and that the important thing is that she tried her hardest and had fun.  It has to be a constant thing and when we do something and she loses or isn't first, then so be it but it's a part of life and I don't want her growing up throwing tantrums every time she's not number 1.

  • Luvmy2babies22
    January 15 at 7:32 PM

    It's the age.  You just have to continue to remind him.  My son went thru that around 4 1/2 or 5.  We just lead by example.   When we lose we tell him "good game" and really make a big deal about how much fun we had playing even though he lost.  If he loses and/or throws a fit at any point, the game is done, period. 

    If I were you, I would continue to play with him, reinforce what you WANT him to do but then when he starts to freak out, shut it down.  Don't punish him anymore than that, just put it away or turn it off and walk away.  Explain that it's no fun with him acting that way and you can try again later when he calms down.  Then next time, explain how you expect him to behave and see how it goes.  He will outgrow it IF he's taught appropriate behavior and sees the consequences for his bad reactions.  He'll learn it the hard way in school if he doesn't turn things around.  He won't have any friends and he'll figure out pretty quickly to fall in line and calm down.

  • la_bella_vita
    January 16 at 12:37 AM

     I don't know. I would try and find a children's book on good sportsmanship.

  • MommaTasha1003
    January 16 at 9:07 AM

    LOL I think its hereditary...

    My dd is a sore loser. I found out last week her grandfather was that way ALL his life! Her Aunt is also not very good at losing either.

    I really dont know how to help her because Ive never cared too much about winning or losing as long as I lost fair & tried my best.

  • mama2beautiesnb
    January 16 at 9:09 AM
    I took away games when my 6 yr old showed that behavior. Told her why and made her earn them back one by one when she showed better behavior.
  • sfkdny
    by sfkdny
    January 16 at 9:18 AM

    my dd is the same way - but then if she wins (like with memory game or something) and her brother loses, he cries and then older dd will give him some of her "matches" to make it seem like he won so I think she is getting better with the whole sore loser syndrome.  she is almost 6


  • ejsmom4604
    January 16 at 9:26 AM

    It takes time to learn how to lose gracefully. Some kids learn how to lose sooner than others. However, in somethings, first is important. But it is something to be strived for, and he will have to learn that it won't always be him. That is life, and though it may not seem fair, he needs to learn that not everything is fair. 

    My 8 yr old, E, is a wrestler. He had to learn how to lose and be a good sport fast. That is part of wrestling. It has taken a few years, but he has gotten better each year. This being his fourth year, I am so proud. He went from meltdowns and tantrums, to shaking his opponents hand (when he lost) to shaking the opposing team's coaches hand, and finally this year, he has stopped and listened to his coach before going to somewhere quiet to deal with his emotions. There were lots of talks when my son was calm, preperation, and having him watch how others handle the situations. 

    Your son also needs to learn he will not be the best at everything and that is ok. Very few people are actually the best at everything they do. 

Toddlers & Preschoolers