Fast forward to today and I am happily over her Bio dad, remarried and life is good. Adrina (dd) doesn't know that my husband isn't her biological father. She has no clue who her Bio dad is and that's been fine with us. Now that my husband and I have been married for over a year, we have been talking about getting him to adopt Adrina. Her bio dad is not on the birth certificate and hasn't spoken to or seen Adrina since she first birthday. She will be four in May.
I had this urge to talk to her bio dad and bring up him giving up his rights (I honestly have no idea if he even has any, but if he does then we need to get that situated before my husband adopts adrina.) So I just get on Facebook and message her Bio dad and ask him to call me. Like I said we haven't spoken in over two years lol. Well he calls me and I just go ahead and get the point across. I ask him if he will give up his rights to Adrina so Shawn (my husband) can adopt her. I wasn't sure what I was expecting him to say.
He and I have a long conversation, he lost his step mother (who he has been living with since I had Adrina in 09) two months ago. He said it has really made him grow up and realize that he hasn't done things like he should have. He also told me that he wants to pay child support (I took him to court in 09 and he hasn't paid since October of 09) I told him I don't want his money. I haven't had it in like 3 years, and dh and I are just fine without it. But he insisted that he wants to pay, he told me to text him every month and say "child support " just to remind him. I told him I don't want him to feel like he he has to pay child support just to see Adrina. He said now that he has grown up he wants to see her. I said that my husband wouldn't go for it but I can talk to him about it.
We ended the conversation politely, he asked how Adrina was and I asked how he was doing, all that jazz. So when my husband gets home I'm going to talk to him and see how he feels about letting Adrina's Bio dad see her with our supervision.
I am really happy that I finally got the "giving up rights" conversation over, and pleased with the results.
Have any of you every had a similar situation? How did it end?
I think it would be good for him to get into his daughters life if he is willing to do so. I wouldn't give him unsupervised visitation just yet though, you don't know how he is anymore or what he is capable of. I think supervised visitation at your home is what would be best for now. Maybe invite him to the park with you, dh and dd and see how that goes.
I am glad that the conversation ended politely. That was my first "fear" in this situation, because there could have been so many outcomse.
My best suggsetion is to contact a lawyer NOW about this. They would know your rights and bio dad's rights regarding this situation. I think thast since he's not on the birth certificate, he's not "liable" for as much.
But as far as child support, you are thinking right. But if it requires you having to pester him about it.... I think he was "meaning well" but not "intending" to do so (KWIM). If he wanted to pay, he would have done so already.
But then again, you need to know what the rights and responsibilities are regarding all of this before the adoption is final. You don't have to tell bio dad about the lawyer just yet..
Good luck :)
December 3, 2012 at 3:47 PM
He wants to take responsibility for his actions and you won't let him? :/ Just let him pay if he wants to and use that money for your child's college fund. By the way, he's her father and has every right to see her despite of your husband's opinion. He can even take you to court for visitation and may even bring up the fact that you're refusing child support from when he is finally offering to...
by CampClanDecember 4, 2012 at 12:02 AM
In Ohio if the parents aren't married the father has no rights until he files for them Which I find odd because if you were in Ohio in order for your DH to adopt you would have to have BD sign his rights away. From my understanding that means paying to put his name on the birth certificate just to take it off (this is something I heard about 14 years ago though). I only know about the no rights til filed for because my ex has a child & he is not married to the mother & he has been looking into getting his rights.
by Necie72December 4, 2012 at 10:29 AM
I"m in a similar situation... DD has never seen her father. She will be 4. He pays support, falls behind, then pays again. It's court ordered. I have a BF now and we've been talking on and off about marriage. It's funny because last night was the first time he actually mentioned telling her father that he's going to be DD's father now... Her father probably wouldn't have a problem with giving up his rights because he's never made an effort to even see her and he's just pissed that he pays support... I'm not sure about the adoption thing for us now... But, I'm sure that's what's on my BF's mind...
I think you should let him see her, supervised, and accept the support. It's important for kids to know their biological parents, no matter the situation.