Toddlers & Preschoolers

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Night time help.
November 15, 2012 at 6:01 AM
I'm really hoping to get some help here. My son is 3.5 years old. I also have a 15 month old. My oldest transitioned well to his toddler bed. Took a few weeks, but no big deal since the baby was still in with us. Now that I have moved the baby into the crib, we are having problems. My son generally takes an hour to go to sleep, my husband lays in there with him. I don't put the baby in with him until both are fast asleep. Anywhere from 1-3am, my 3 year old gets up and comes into my bed. This is becoming a huge problem. He thrashes and kicks in his sleep a lot and some how it is always me that is getting kicked. We had a walk through gate in his door for a while, but he can open it now so we took it down. I am sick of getting kicked all night and need help. My husband has allowed him to get into our bed, so I don't know what to do. Since he gets in on his side I often don't know he is there until I am being kicked awake. I don't think just putting him back in bed asleep is going to fix the problem of him learning not to come to my bed, but my husband won't tell him no when he comes in. Please help, I need my bed back!!!!!!!!!


  • corrinacs
    November 15, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    Just stop it.  We don't allow Caden (or any one) in our bed at all....and that was the rule from day 1.  We are kind if in teh same boat as you are......they are in the same room and the baby is asleep before we put him in his crib with our 5yo.  

    Maybe he doesn't care to share rooms with the baby....maybe the baby is loud....something is going on and as soon as the baby gets in there, he's waking up.  Could it be he's a light sleeper and the baby wiggling around in his crib wakes him up? That would be my first inclination.

    We dont' have that problem, but Leo's up a lot at night (due to allergies and hunger) so we are thinking about putting him into his own room, once we get that room cleared.

    Good luck!

  • furbabymum
    November 15, 2012 at 10:55 AM

     yeah your DH is going to have to take your DS back to his room and put him back into bed. You may be doing this quite a lot for awhile but eventually he'll learn. Really need your DH to support you in this though.

  • .Angelica.
    November 15, 2012 at 11:01 AM

    i think your husband putting him back in bed when he comes in the room will help. that's what i did with my son.

  • MedicturnedMama
    November 15, 2012 at 11:54 AM
    The way that my house is, separate room are not an option right now. I have a split level with the master, 1 small bedroom, and the living space upstairs. My other bedrooms are downstairs, and took far away to have either one down there.
  • PEEK05
    by PEEK05
    November 15, 2012 at 12:40 PM

    Sorry I don't know.  Once my kids transition, they have never crawled back into bed with us.

  • clairewait
    November 15, 2012 at 2:17 PM
    Quoting furbabymum:

     ...You may be doing this quite a lot for awhile but eventually he'll learn. Really need your DH to support you in this though.

    I disagree with the first part, agree with the second.

    I don't believe kids magically figure things out unless you teach them, and if they refuse to comply, there needs to be a series of consequences to establish boundaries.

    I do, however, advise you to come up with a plan, and make sure you and your husband are both together on it.

    If I were you, I'd be using the other bedrooms that are so "far away." 

    I actually believe distance at night is one of the best modes of emotional separation for kids, plus, it will help you break the cycle of going to him or letting him come to you in the middle of the night.

    A bad habit has already been established here. The question is, how desperate are you when you say you want your bed back? Either take it back, all the way, COMPLETELY, or risk never having it to yourself again.

    Kids are resilient, and he needs to learn how to self-soothe.

    Even if he eventually out-grows the need to sleep with you, I strongly believe that psychologically his co-dependence in this area will manefest itself somewhere else as he gets older. And every year he gets older, it will be that much harder to break a bad habit.

    Bedrooms and sleeping are a HUGE emotional and physical boundary, and I realize there are many opposing views as to what works, but at the end of the day, either you want your bed back, or you don't. Either way, you and your husband need to be the ones in control here, not your son.

    Good luck.

  • Luvmy2babies22
    November 15, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    You guys have to be on the same page.  If you don't put up a united front, you are sunk.  Then just keep putting him back in bed.

  • JATaft828
    November 15, 2012 at 2:53 PM

    My 3 year old would do that for awhile. I would just take him back and lay him in bed and if he would get up I would return him to bed. Eventually he stopped doing it :) Maybe talk to your husband about it and he can help out with the transition of putting him back as well.  I do believe if you start placing him back and stick to it it will work. Best of luck :)

  • itsm3
    by itsm3
    November 16, 2012 at 9:27 AM

    i read that you can either double gate his room so he doesn't come out (which in the long term, is better for his sleep since he'll eventually learn to sleep right through since he'll know that him waking doesn't get him anything --  but is a tougher choice) OR

    make a bed on the floor beside yours and tell him he can come in but he MUST be quiet and he can sleep on the bed in the floor.  if he doesn't listen, then he cannot sleep in the room with you.  this is "easier" but is disturbing his sleep and will enforce the habit of  waking to come into your room which in the long term isn't good for his sleep OR

    just be quiet, don't engage him and walk him to his bed when he wakes up.  tuck him in and leave.  you may have to do this a grillion times but after a few nights, he'll learn.  the trick is to NOT ENGAGE HIM.  just say something like "it's nigh time and time to sleep" and then put him right back.  do/say it every single time and he'll get the picture eventually and stop waking up.

    and you/your husband must be on board when it comes to sleep rules otherwise he will never learn :(

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