Toddlers & Preschoolers

laughnchica
Struggling and need some help, please!
October 12, 2012 at 4:28 PM

I have a 3 year old little girl. I have posted about her kind of becoming a bully. Well she got better for a little while. She lost family movie night and dessert for awhile and after pushing down a little boy, her dad gave her her 1st spanking which we do NOT like doing at all but we don't know what else to do at that point.

Like I said, she got better. And then again out of nowhere, she is screaming at her daycare lady, she will try to take ALL the toys away from the other, younger kids, she refuses to listen to the daycare lady and is starting to refuse to listen to us as well and still pushing the other kids and flips the little one year old boy when he is riding on his car.

So, I need some creative discipline ideas. She has told us that she doesn't want to watch movies when we tell her that they are taken away, that she doesn't care if she doesn't get dessert and she wants to get spanked again. And we try timeouts in a corner but lately she will just let herself out of timeout. We send her to her room but we really don't want her bedroom to be a place where negative things happen in like timeouts. We don't want to do spankings because we don't think they will help anything but WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO????

Replies

  • corrinacs
    October 12, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    Talk to your pediatrician.  They can see if she may need further services.  Not saying she's a bad or troubled kid, but just to be on the safe side.

    Just keep doing what you are doing.  What are some thigns that are really meaningful to her.  Take those things away.

    Good luck and I hope you can get her back together.  I can't imagine!

  • MommieCotter42
    October 12, 2012 at 4:34 PM

    is there anything going on at home that may cause her to act up? 

    I don't like to spank either so I talk to my daughter about everything. If it was my daughter I would sit her down on her bed and talk to her about what she did and why it is wrong and what we can do to make it better. I always ask her what do I need to do to have you understand and she always comes up with some silly things but at least she feels that I can help out. 

    (((hugs))) I know its hard to parent sometimes. Hanging in there Mama.

  • laughnchica
    October 12, 2012 at 5:04 PM
    Nothing has really changed in the household. At least that I am aware of that would affect her.
    We have tried talking to her about it hurts people to do what she does and we try asking if she likes being yelled or if someone pushes her. She says no and she always has to say sorry but the next day it is like she forgot everything!


    Quoting MommieCotter42:

    is there anything going on at home that may cause her to act up? 

    I don't like to spank either so I talk to my daughter about everything. If it was my daughter I would sit her down on her bed and talk to her about what she did and why it is wrong and what we can do to make it better. I always ask her what do I need to do to have you understand and she always comes up with some silly things but at least she feels that I can help out. 

    (((hugs))) I know its hard to parent sometimes. Hanging in there Mama.

  • laughnchica
    October 12, 2012 at 5:06 PM
    I will see if the doctor thinks something is wron but her last wellness check they said she looked great and nothing seemed wrong and she got screened at head start and she is right on for development and didn't show anything wrong.
    As for meaningful things, she doesn't have much besides loving to watch movies with us and getting yummy desserts. She doesn't like going to bed early so we have tried that as in sending her to bed right after dinner but she will just sing to herself for an hour so and eventually fall asleep.


    Quoting corrinacs:

    Talk to your pediatrician.  They can see if she may need further services.  Not saying she's a bad or troubled kid, but just to be on the safe side.

    Just keep doing what you are doing.  What are some thigns that are really meaningful to her.  Take those things away.

    Good luck and I hope you can get her back together.  I can't imagine!

  • MamaHome
    October 12, 2012 at 5:24 PM

    Don't let her get out of timeouts. If she gets up, put her back. She has to learn that its not on her terms.

    I have a very strong willed 3 year old, and I have learned that my best approach is positive affirmation. I tell him, "you are such a good boy, do you know that?" He LOVES the attention and praise. When he's acting up I will remove him from the situation, and ask if he is going to behave? Then I look for ANYTHING to praise him on. One good comment encourages him to continue.

    This might not always work, but I have learned that bad behavior can sometimes be a self fulfilling prophecy or an attempt to get attention.

  • furbabymum
    October 12, 2012 at 5:40 PM

     I'd look at a different daycare. A daycare where the kids are divided by age. Then she can't bully younger kids.

    I was having issues with mine biting everyone at daycare. They put a new lady in charge and he's stopped.

  • sillymumof2
    October 12, 2012 at 5:42 PM
    I was told to set them in a specific spot. The botton step of the stairs. Going down to their level, telling them what they did wrong and how long they will b in turnout (a chair works too). And continuously bringing them back to their spot until they have spent their their complete time out time in that spot in one sitting.

    It's stressful and hard. But it works after they realize ur not giving up
  • mypbandj
    Jen
    October 12, 2012 at 5:53 PM

    It sounds to me like she is getting a lot of attention for her bad behavior. I wouldn't be having a conversation with her about whether or not she is mad about not getting dessert or not. Just that conversation is enough to make her want to keep acting that way. ANY attention is attention.

    If you want to take away her dessert. Do it but don't talk to her about it. Just tell her, because you did this, that means no dessert tonight. A lot of parents want to see their child throw a fit, beg, plead, and cry for the thing they are missing out on. But some kids like your dd, are able to hold it in. Deep inside, she may really care - but she isn't going to show you that. She's going to say, I don't even care.  And when she does that, it makes you CRAZY! (am I right?) And that right there....the part where she was able to manipulate the situation to where she is now making you crazy is the part that is working for her.

    You need to decide what the consequence will be for her behavior. Let her know ahead of time. And then follow through. Even if she has to just sit on the couch and miss dessert, that's ok. Don't get into an arugement over it w/ her. Don't try and make here seem to "care." Just follow through and leave it at that.

    As for timeouts, if she gets up. Put her back. You have to stay calm and keep your cool b/c as soon as she realizes that she ia making you crazy, it just fuels her fire to keep doing it. You stay cool and keep putting her back.

  • miss_AP
    by miss_AP
    October 12, 2012 at 6:05 PM

    Check out Love and Logic. Works wonders, not joking.

  • TTC2Long
    October 12, 2012 at 6:11 PM
    Totally agree.

    Quoting mypbandj:

    It sounds to me like she is getting a lot of attention for her bad behavior. I wouldn't be having a conversation with her about whether or not she is mad about not getting dessert or not. Just that conversation is enough to make her want to keep acting that way. ANY attention is attention.

    If you want to take away her dessert. Do it but don't talk to her about it. Just tell her, because you did this, that means no dessert tonight. A lot of parents want to see their child throw a fit, beg, plead, and cry for the thing they are missing out on. But some kids like your dd, are able to hold it in. Deep inside, she may really care - but she isn't going to show you that. She's going to say, I don't even care.  And when she does that, it makes you CRAZY! (am I right?) And that right there....the part where she was able to manipulate the situation to where she is now making you crazy is the part that is working for her.

    You need to decide what the consequence will be for her behavior. Let her know ahead of time. And then follow through. Even if she has to just sit on the couch and miss dessert, that's ok. Don't get into an arugement over it w/ her. Don't try and make here seem to "care." Just follow through and leave it at that.

    As for timeouts, if she gets up. Put her back. You have to stay calm and keep your cool b/c as soon as she realizes that she ia making you crazy, it just fuels her fire to keep doing it. You stay cool and keep putting her back.

Toddlers & Preschoolers