amc103
I feel like my child is the only one...... :-(
by amc103
December 28, 2012 at 6:53 AM

who is not excited about the new baby. My DS is 3 years and 8 months old and Im due with his little brother in February. Before I started to show, he was very excited about the baby. We have talked to him about it, read books to him about it, etc. etc. We tell him about all  the fun it will be and have literally tried everything. Ever since I was around 23 weeks, his attitude started to change about the baby. He just stopped respoding when we talked about little brother. Now, its gotten so bad that DS sometimes says, "I can hurt the baby mommy" and I feel like my heart will break. I tell him that we cannot hurt the baby or anyone at all! He wants nothing to do with my belly-Ive tried to get him to feel little brother move and he flat out refuses. I dont know what to do and feel like Im failing already at introducing the new baby into our world. What can I do? I have stopped talking about it with him because I figure, whats the use? Im scared and confused and feel like I will be nervous that DS1 WILL hurt the baby when he's here. :-( :-( :-( All my friends who are pregnant or have 2 or more kids say, "my LO was SOOO EXCITED for his/her sibling. I havent heard ONE person say they dealt with what Im dealing with. ANy advice?

Replies

  • EmmaZate
    December 28, 2012 at 6:57 AM
    Is he saying that he is afraid he could hurt the baby? That's an honest format of a soon to be older sibling! My mom told me that I used to get really upset when they talked to me about my little brother (I was 2) and it turns out I was afraid that I would hurt him and that my parents would live me less. Try talking to him about these things. It could be something simple.
  • amc103
    by amc103
    December 28, 2012 at 7:02 AM

    I wish it were so.....I know that he means he wants to hurt the baby because sometimes after he says it he raises his arm like he's going to hit my belly. :-( Ive tried asking him everything I can to get him to talk about his feelings...nothing is helping. 

    Quoting EmmaZate:

    Is he saying that he is afraid he could hurt the baby? That's an honest format of a soon to be older sibling! My mom told me that I used to get really upset when they talked to me about my little brother (I was 2) and it turns out I was afraid that I would hurt him and that my parents would live me less. Try talking to him about these things. It could be something simple.


  • EmmaZate
    December 28, 2012 at 7:17 AM
    Have you talked to his pedi about maybe getting him into therapy? There could be something bigger going on, and with him scaring you like that you really should look into it.

    Quoting amc103:

    I wish it were so.....I know that he means he wants to hurt the baby because sometimes after he says it he raises his arm like he's going to hit my belly. :-( Ive tried asking him everything I can to get him to talk about his feelings...nothing is helping. 

    Quoting EmmaZate:

    Is he saying that he is afraid he could hurt the baby? That's an honest format of a soon to be older sibling! My mom told me that I used to get really upset when they talked to me about my little brother (I was 2) and it turns out I was afraid that I would hurt him and that my parents would live me less. Try talking to him about these things. It could be something simple.


  • Autumn19
    December 28, 2012 at 8:13 AM
    hugs
    maybe you could spend specialn time together and let him know he is still loved
  • meam4444
    December 28, 2012 at 8:51 AM

    I have had a three year old who was pretty set against a new baby one of my pregnancies.  She constantly would say "no baby."  She never wanted to shop for the new baby or do anything which surrounded the idea of the new addition.  I didn't know how we were going to do it, but I made sure I had the new baby buy her a gift that she wanted.  And, when they first met, I told her it was from the new baby.  I couldn't believe how she loved on the baby.  I am sure it wasn't evne the gift...I think just seeing the new baby and how beautiful.  She was so excited to hold the baby, touch the baby, etc...And, we emphasized what a great big sister, etc.  Yea, there were a few weeks of adjustments and regression from her, but we kept being positive.  My husband would take the kids out on dates for being such great sisters, etc..

    I would just keep being positive.  It's hard right now...I remember being in tears thinking that things weren't going to be coming together.  But, they really do.  ((hugs))

  • FarmGirl2B
    December 28, 2012 at 9:30 AM
    Don't pressure him. Set aside some special time for just the two of you every day before and after baby arrives. Your SO may have to watch the baby so you don't have to be interrupted. Don't mention baby during these times. Try the gift from baby thing. When introducing ds to baby, make sure your arms are empty and let him sit with you on the bed. Have SO bring baby over so he can see, then deal with his reaction as it comes. He may want to hold him or he may push it away. If he pushes it away, don't force him, and don't scold him in any way unless he tries to hurt the baby. Explain to him that having a new baby means that you have even more love to share with him and the new baby and you will love them both more and more every day. If after a few weeks you are still having issues, call his doc.
  • mem82
    by mem82
    December 28, 2012 at 9:35 AM

    If he has overheard you talking about the usual pregnancy pain and discomfort, on top of seeing t\your belly grow and expand, he might think that the baby is hurting you or WILL hurt you getting out. If he overheard anyone talking about how much labor hurts or something, he could be worried about you.

  • -Mommy-2-Three-
    December 28, 2012 at 9:43 AM

    Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.

    I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.

    If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!

    HUGS

  • tanper29
    December 28, 2012 at 9:57 AM
    I agree with this. Maybe he feels like once the baby is here you will forget about him. Talking about the new baby too much can cause a feeling of resentment in small children. Just focus on your 3yr old.

    Quoting -Mommy-2-Three-:

    Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.


    I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.


    If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!


    HUGS

  • sparklebug86
    December 28, 2012 at 10:13 AM

    thats fairly normal and you may have to watch him in the beginning. DH used to reach into his sisters crib with a stick and try to poke her. 

    BTW just because your friends say their kids are excited doesnt mean that they really are, it could just be their perception or they dont want to tell the truth. 

    My son is about to be 4 and he could careless! 

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Today's “Featured” Posts
More Featured Posts