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SCREAM **2nd update in purple!**
November 8, 2008 at 7:47 PM

I had my daughter on Monday, and so far I have HATED every minute of it. I have never wanted to be a mom, and now that feeling has really hit me. I am not saying that I don't feed her and what not, I just don't want to. I hate when I hear her cry, and hate having to go to her. I want life the way it was. When I found out I was prego I considered all my options, and was to afraid to have an abortion. I think mainly because I thought it would end my marriage. Now, I wish I would have. I am hoping this feeling will go away. But I don't know. I get the feeling of wanting to run, and I don't want to because I cant live without my best friend, my husband. What do I do? I am getting so depressed, and  i am seriously starting to hate life. I am crying as I write this. Please, I beg you all to have a heart and help me, and not bash me.

So I went to the doctor today, and she told me that I do have PPD. She also decided to put me on some medication, which she said will help. I have also been instructed not to be alone with the baby, so my husbands family (mainly his mom) is going to help me with this while he works. I am still unclear about being alone by myself, but we will see as time goes. I also was given my doctors cell number, she said if I ever needed her, to call. She wants me to call with updates on how I am doing and such. Whether its me or my husband who calls. She also wants me to call before I do anything stupid. I am glad I have such a nice doctor. Thank you all for all of your advice and support. I hope to be doing better sometime soon. For now, its a waiting game.

OK, so I thought I would give another update. My depression had gotten worse, and the type pf medication the Dr put me on was one of the causes. Also, many other negative things happened in the same month. I lost my grandmother, my job, my car, and my health. Well things have started to turn around. I got my job back, with a better paying position, and I am on a medication that is helping. Also, I have started counseling which has done wonders so far! I am now looking forward to each day, and not so afraid of it. Also, I have been able to spend a little more time with my daughter each day, so that's good. I am still working on my bond with her, but I know it will get here one day; hopefully sometime soon! Thanks to all who was there for me!@


  • momtorussell
    November 14, 2008 at 9:23 AM

    Its not as easy for others to "deal with it".  Please understand that people with PPD can't just deal with it and that is why they are having a hard time.  I don't have PPD, but my sister did.  I just think this young mother needs some meds and someone to talk to that is a professional.  There are some great therapists out there that can help no matter how much you make.  Dh and I go to therapy and occassionly take our baby with us if we have to.  I hope this helps and I hope you get the help you need soon!

    Quoting chairhead28:

    You just have to deal with it. My father died (my best friend) 5 weeks before I had my daughter. It was unexpected. He was given 6-8 months to live on June 24th of this year (he had been fighting a rare type of follicular lymphoma for over four years) and he died on 8/8/08. So, he didn't even make it two months. There are days I want to stay in bed and not take care of my newborn. I also have an 18 month old I need to take care of. I do it because I have to. I WANT to, because I love my kids, but some days it's so hard. I just want to lay in bed and cry. Not do anything. My husband tries to help as much as he can, but I'm soley breastfeeding and my little one loves to comfort nurse, so I feel like I'm attached to her 24/7. She won't take a bottle of breastmilk, so I rarely get out and get to clear my head. It's hard. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I know what you mean though. You just want your old life back...but think of what you're getting instead of your old life... a beautiful new life you can start with your best friend, your husband, and your new daughter.

    I hope no one bashes you because I'm sure everyone's felt this at one time or another. New mom's go through so many different emotions. You really need to talk to your doctor. We can help you by talking to you, but your doctor can prescribe some type of meds or something.. or therapy. *Hugs* take care.

  • shell1m
    by shell1m
    November 14, 2008 at 6:56 PM

    Yea, I felt the same way about my two sons. Luckily it went a way in about 2months after they were born. They are only a year apart.  I knew the day I felt better because my sons cry made me chuckle because it was such a cute noise.  After being tortured by that horrible noise, it was now cute.  I took a really long look at him and realized how luck I was. 

  • Shluna105
    December 5, 2008 at 2:21 PM


  • SRLPrincess1067
    December 5, 2008 at 6:31 PM

    Yay for you girlie! Good luck, and just remember all the GOOD things in life to be thankful of..... like your husband, the family that is still around, siblings, friends, etc. Go get a girlfriend that's your age or older and hang out. See a good movie. Get your mind off of yucky stuff!

  • searl731
    December 6, 2008 at 10:39 PM

    Glad to see things are looking up for you thanks for the update. Hang in there.


    way to go


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