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Does it bother you when you hear that your baby "looks just like their dad"?
November 14, 2012 at 3:38 PM

Moms Don't Want to Hear That Their Baby Looks 'Just Like Daddy'


nicole fabian-weberYou know what's annoying? Hearing people say that your child looks "so much" like your partner. There, I said it. Some people (predominantly my family) think my daughter looks like me. Others, not so much. "Not so much" as in "Oh my god, she looks so much like her daddy!" Quiet, you. I grew this adorable little girl inside of me for nine months. You really can't see me in her at all?

You can't?

Then lie.

 

 

It's a common reaction -- one I'd often give myself before I had a baby of my own. People love to immediately offer their expert input as to who the child looks like more -- Mommy or Daddy. (In addition to whether she's "big" or "small.") They do it as if they're cracking some long-anticipated code. (Oh, that's who she looks like. Finally! I've been dying to find out! Thank you!) Unsurprisingly, people on Mom's side of the family think Baby looks like Mom, and people on Dad's side think the opposite. Honestly? It's kind of annoying both ways.

When my husband, baby, and I are around family members from my side, and they start talking about how much my daughter looks like me as a baby (which, well, she does), I feel bad for my husband. It's like they're excluding him from being a part of the fun; part of the family! And when the opposite happens -- like it did this past Sunday at a birthday party -- I have an urge to let a baby picture of me "fall" out of my wallet, and go, "I'm sorry, were you saying something?"

Before I had a kid, I never in a million, trillion years thought something like this would irritate me. And even now, I admit, I'm kind of surprised that it does. I kind of hate that it does. I don't consider myself an uptight person when it comes to other aspects of parenthood. If you ask to hold my baby, I won't hover over you. I swear! I trust you!

I just don't want to hear you saying she looks just like her daddy! Because it's not true, it's subjective. And it's especially annoying when you're meeting her for the first time and it's the first thing out of your mouth. Tell me she's sweet and cute, and how, hey look at that! She's a combo of both her parents.

A few weeks ago, I was at my friend's house, where both she and her mom kept commenting on how A) My daughter is small, and B) How she looks like my husband. It was kind of annoying. But when I got home and was walking inside, baby and car seat in tow, my neighbor stopped me and said, "Holy cow, what are you feeding that girl? She's huge! And man, does she look like her mama."

It was sweet, and for a moment, it negated everything I'd been hearing the past few hours. But then I thought: Did you just call my baby fat?

Does it bother you when you hear that your baby "looks just like their dad"?

 

Image via Nicole Fabian-Weber

Replies

  • jlbelknap35
    November 14, 2012 at 3:41 PM
    Not one lil bit, Ds1 is my husbands mini me and Ds2 is my mini me. And when we just had ds1 it didn't bother me and I thought it was cute.
  • erikays
    by erikays
    November 14, 2012 at 3:43 PM
    No bc my husband is handsome! My oldest is almost identical to my husband (he has my olive skin tone and dark eyes). My middle is a mix of my husband and FIL and my daughter is all me.
  • jlbelknap35
    November 14, 2012 at 3:46 PM
    Oh and the last comments, those don't bother me either and why worry bout what other people say, 99% of the time they mean it positively you should take it like that, don't twist people's words.
  • lulu9209479
    November 14, 2012 at 3:50 PM
    It only bothers me when my mil says that ds looks like my husband. The kid could look identical to me and she would still say that he looks just like my dh. Like I had nothing to do with the creation of our baby. God that woman gets on my nerves.
  • momto1ryen
    November 14, 2012 at 3:55 PM

     No. Dh is cute so I don't mind at all.

  • Turtledoves
    November 14, 2012 at 3:55 PM
    DD doesn't hold a single trace of me. She looks 100% like her daddy. She's beautiful so it's ok, but yes once in a while I say "maybe the next one will look like me?". He got all the fun, I did all the work and it looks like she doesn't belong to me!
    DH and I are both mostly German, but he's the stereotypical blonde hair, blue eyes and fair skin where I took after the Italian side of me with brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin.
  • aniters
    by aniters
    November 14, 2012 at 3:56 PM
    it does bug me a little.. especially when they say he looks nothing like me.
  • PhoenixsMommy10
    November 14, 2012 at 3:57 PM
    My son looks a good bit like my husband, and it doesn't bother me at all.
  • Bambootrees
    November 14, 2012 at 3:57 PM
    Oh it bothers me...
  • NeverABreak
    November 14, 2012 at 3:59 PM

    It makes me proud to hear that my children look like their father. I married a wonderful man with wonderful qualities.

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