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What would you do?? (PIOG)
January 12, 2008 at 10:43 PM
I'll Start off by giving you some history, I've been with my sons father on and off for almost 2 years (it will be 2 years this summer) we met at a bar, slept with him the first night because I was drunk. Our relationship started out as a lie, a week after we met he told me he was going to fly to the other side of the country to be in a friends wedding, while he was there he asked me to be his girlfriend. Little did I know that he did not go there to be in a wedding, an online girlfriend he was with flew him to stay with her for a weekend! and he asked ME to be with him while he was there!! (stupid of me to stay with him I know) So I confonted him about it, he lied at first and then admitted it, I should have just dropped him right then and there but nope!!

I forgave him for it, but since then we have had major trust issues in our relationship, I wouldnt be with him if it wasnt for the fact that we have a child together, I got pregnant due to missing a pill (stupid I know) but theres alot of things about him that I cant stand! he has a porn addiction, he constantly looks at it and he knows that it bothers me, we don't have sex!! the last time we had sex was 5 months ago, I dont know whether its because I gained weight from having a baby or what but I feel really ugly around him especially because he would rather look at other girls. He's contstantly texting people when hes spending time with me. He never really even acknowledges that our son is even in the room, he doesnt help with diaper changes, feedings or anything!

I love him I really do, but I dont know if there is really a point to it if I cant trust him and we can't get along, so ladies what would you do if you were in my shoes?


  • applescentyummy
    January 12, 2008 at 10:49 PM
    Wow, a tuff situation.

    I wouldn't be with him. Having a child with someone is NO reason for you to stay with them. You should be with someone because you WANT to be and because you love them. I know so many people who stay in a relationship for the child's sake and it NEVER works. Most of the time, it makes it harder on the child. This is just my opinion though. You need to do whats best and what you feel is right. Good luck to you.
  • 1victoria
    January 12, 2008 at 10:53 PM
    First of are not the first person this has happened to.  I know I am much older than you but maybe you can learn from my mistakes.  I met my second husband in a bar, had sex with him that night(i was drunk too), and wasted 16 years on him.  He only stayed with me because I was taking care of him...paying the bills, etc.  Thankfully we did not have any children together, but he WAS the stepfather to my children.  Their own father disappeared right after we divorced.   I say get out and get out fast.  When my children's father and I divorced, I was left with 4 children.  I went back to college, got my degree and raised them on my own, along with dealing with an alcoholic second husband.  It wasn't easy, but I did it.  And you can too!
    Take care of yourself...and your child.  You will never regret it.  And never ever let a man make you feel bad about yourself...GOOD LUCK!  I'll be praying for you.
  • ilovecoffee95
    January 12, 2008 at 10:58 PM
    You are staying b/c he is dad to your child but does not help care for him or rarely acknowledges him,this can be done  apart w/out the emotional damage to your son. I say leave ASAP,Robin
  • Mommy2_two
    January 12, 2008 at 11:17 PM
    Well you can't trust him, you fight all the time, he doesn't help out with his son or spend time with him. What would you even want to stay with this person who is so insensitive. Get out and take care of yourself and your son. He sounds like a person who doesn't deserve to have you. 
  • DevynsMomma
    January 12, 2008 at 11:41 PM
    Thanks for the advice really helps.

    I forgot to include that his actual excuse for not having sex with me is that he doesnt want sex with anyone, hes so stressed out that he doesnt have a drive for it anymore. Also he IS there financially for me and my son but nothing else.
  • Faithsmomma
    January 13, 2008 at 5:01 AM
    First, I learned the hard way that " I love him but..." doesn't erase what he does.  Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how much you care about him, how much you want him to be there for your son, none of what you want from him matters because he is responsible for changing his behavior, not you.  It's not your job to "make" him (enter feeling or type of responsibility here)  It sounds like he's a piece of poo, and frankly, who needs more poo in their lives.  I don't mean to sound harsh or insensitive, I just hate seeing other women going through this kind of treatment, I got out from 2 relationships that were similar to yours, and I thank the good Lord every day for it.  Another question to ask is: Do you really what this "man" (and I use that word in the most loose definition) being that kind of role model for your son?  Being on your own is scary, but it will always work out.  It may not be the life you invisioned for you and your son, but trust me, that you have every ability to do this on your own.  And you will be happier for it.  I hope I didn't offend you...
  • Dawn100173
    January 13, 2008 at 10:06 AM
    Staying with someone "for the children's sake" is almost always the wrong answer.  There has to be trust in order to have a healthy stable relationship.  Obviously he isn't concerned about your feelings because he does things that make you uncomfortable.  I would sit down and make a list of the good vs the bad and see which one weighs in more heavily.  Sometimes if you have to actually look at the facts on paper, a little light bulb will go on in your head and make you see it for what it really is.  Just a suggestion,  good luck

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