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momof2boys097
IS HE REBELLING AGAINST ME ?
January 10, 2008 at 11:22 PM
MY 5 YEAR OLD MUST BE GOING THROUGH A REBELLION STAGE OR SOMETHING. HIS DAD AND I ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER AND I AM MARRIED GOING ON 3 YEARS TO ANOTHER MAN. WELL MY 5 YEAR OLD HAS THIS THING WHERE HE ALWAYS HAS TO BACK TALK ME AND NEVER LISTENS TO ME. I ASK HIM IF HE DOES THE SAME WHEN HE'S WITH HIS DADDY AND HE SAYS NO. I SPANK HIM, GROUND HIM FROM TV AND PLAY, JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF, BUT HE STILL  DOES IT. HIS DAD DOESN'T EVEN DISAPLINE HIM BUT HE'S AN ANGEL WITH HIM. PEOPLE SAY IT'S B/C OF THE NEW BABY (WELL THE NEW ONE IS 1 YEAR OLD) BUT HE'S BEEN ACTING THIS WAY SINCE THE SPLIT. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT ELSE I CAN DO?

Replies

  • CafeMom Team
    January 11, 2008 at 8:05 AM
    Hi momof2boys097,

    In addition to posting your question here, you may also want to join one of the groups on CafeMom and post your question there too.

    You may be interested in this group: Raising Boys

    You can also search for a group based on your interests at:
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    We hope you enjoy CafeMom!

    \The CafeMom Team
  • imma_mommy07
    January 11, 2008 at 10:34 AM
    TO BE HONEST I AM GOING THROUGH ALOT RIGHT NOW MY SONS DAD HAD JUST CALLED AFTER 9 MONTHS. HE SAID HE WANTS TO BE THERE. BUT I DONT KNOW IF I WANT HIM TOO BE THERE RIGHT NOW. MY SON CHRISITIAN WILL BE 10 MONTHS THE 16TH. AND I AM SCARED ALL WE CAN DO IS LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND WE HAVE TO DO WHAT WE THINK IS BEST FOR OUR SON. AND THAT IS LETTING HIM HAVE A DADDY IN HIS LIFE OR LET SOMEONE STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND SOMEONE U KNOW THAT WILL BE THERE WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH. AND WHEN UR LITTLE ONE ACTS UP  CANT PUT HIM IN TIME OUT. HE IS SO USED TO HIS DADDY BEING THERE, AND HE IS NOT SEEING HIS DADDY LIKE HE USED TOO AND ITS CONFUSING HIM.  LET IT GO AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS JUST TRY TO EXPLAING IT TOO HIM
  • momof2boys097
    January 12, 2008 at 10:42 PM
    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME ABOUT THE GROUP " RAISING BOYS". I APPRECIATE IT DEARLY. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
  • momof2boys097
    January 12, 2008 at 10:52 PM
    I APPRECIATE YOUR ADVICE ALSO. I UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM ALSO ABOUT NOT KNOWING IF YOU WANT YOUR BABY'S FATHER IN THE PICTURE SINCE HE HASN'T BEEN THERE IN 9 MONTHS. AT THE SAME TIME, HOWEVER, I FEEL THAT SINCE THE BABY IS STILL YOUNG I'D LET HIM SEE HIM/HER AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. A CHILD DOES NEED BOTH PARENTS WHETHER THEY ARE TOGETHER OR APART TO BE THERE FOR THEM. MY OLDEST SON'S FATHER HASN'T SEEN HIM SINCE BEFORE THANKSGIVING. FOR WHAT REASON, I'LL NEVER KNOW. IT REALLY BREAKS MY HEART THOUGH B/C MY SON LOVES HIM DEARLY AND HE CRIES B/C HIS DADDY WON'T COME SEE HIM. DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE ON WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT HIS ATTITUDE TOWARDS ME ( BACK TALKING ME AND NOT LISTENING)?
  • chimom01
    January 12, 2008 at 11:46 PM

    Hey sweetie! I know how you feel! My 6 year old son acts the same way.  Our situations are a little different, but it is like night and day when it comes to hoe my son acts for and for his father.  my son's little attitude and rebellious behavior started when he was fivem and hasn't ended yet.  I was talking to a friend of mine  (who actially was my 3rd grade teacher. and now teached kindegarten) and she said it is a stage all kids this age go through.  she said she sees is every year starting in december or so.  she said it does get better for a bit, but then it come back.  they are just testing the people they know love them and will continue to love them no matter what.  So i know it is hard to deal with this attitude and makes you want to run and hide.  i would put my son in time out and spank him and threaten him with everything under the sunm but none of it worked.  the only think i have found that works is talking to him.  When he starts with the attitdue and the meanness i ask him to tell me why he feels he needs to act this waym because it hurts me (kids at this age really only want to please their parents).  he will usually also chill out if i sort of give him a part in the descision making (like the simple part... ok you don't want to brush your teeth right now, ok the thing is you have to, but if your choice is to look silly in front of your firiends at school with green and slimy teeth then that your loss because you aren't going to have much fun if no one wants to play with you or i know you don't want to pick up your toys, but that just means i will have to take the toys away and then you won't have the problem of picking them up, it's your choice etc.)  As for the acting different with dad... well he doesn't see him as much... so he isn't going to know that if he acts bad he will always have love.  Also your son's father and you should come together on what the discipline idea should be.  If there is consistancy between the two of you there will be less room for your son to rebel.  hope this helps!  feel free to chat with me on my page!

  • chimom01
    January 12, 2008 at 11:49 PM

    Hey sweetie! I know how you feel! My 6 year old son acts the same way.  Our situations are a little different, but it is like night and day when it comes to hoe my son acts for and for his father.  my son's little attitude and rebellious behavior started when he was fivem and hasn't ended yet.  I was talking to a friend of mine  (who actially was my 3rd grade teacher. and now teached kindegarten) and she said it is a stage all kids this age go through.  she said she sees is every year starting in december or so.  she said it does get better for a bit, but then it come back.  they are just testing the people they know love them and will continue to love them no matter what.  So i know it is hard to deal with this attitude and makes you want to run and hide.  i would put my son in time out and spank him and threaten him with everything under the sunm but none of it worked.  the only think i have found that works is talking to him.  When he starts with the attitdue and the meanness i ask him to tell me why he feels he needs to act this waym because it hurts me (kids at this age really only want to please their parents).  he will usually also chill out if i sort of give him a part in the descision making (like the simple part... ok you don't want to brush your teeth right now, ok the thing is you have to, but if your choice is to look silly in front of your firiends at school with green and slimy teeth then that your loss because you aren't going to have much fun if no one wants to play with you or i know you don't want to pick up your toys, but that just means i will have to take the toys away and then you won't have the problem of picking them up, it's your choice etc.)  As for the acting different with dad... well he doesn't see him as much... so he isn't going to know that if he acts bad he will always have love.  Also your son's father and you should come together on what the discipline idea should be.  If there is consistancy between the two of you there will be less room for your son to rebel.  hope this helps!  feel free to chat with me on my page!

  • UTZY
    by UTZY
    January 13, 2008 at 8:34 AM
    he may not be rebelling--so much as he is reacting to everything.  i don't think they really rebel, at his age.  rebelling comes when they ae a little older than that.
    five-year-old boys, at least all the five-year-old boys i have known, seem to have changes in their attitude.  i noticed changes in both my boys and in several that i have known--right around the age of five.
    add to his age all of the stresses that he has--and you have a kid who is acting differently.
    maybe you could set one day a week where you and the little guy do spomething special--just the two of you?
  • momof2boys097
    January 13, 2008 at 10:48 AM
    Thank you, ladies, for all your advice. It is greatly appreciated. All of you are great. I'll keep all of you updated. Thanks again :)
  • Shellbell710
    January 13, 2008 at 10:52 AM
    My aunt went through this same thing with her son when she and the father split. He's acting out, because he probably doesn't quite understand even though it has been quite some time.  Do you and the father have a decent relationship or is there tension to where your son could hear you speak negative of one another?  This was the problem in my aunts case and is still a problem although it has been almost 5 yrs since the split.
  • teresam3636
    January 13, 2008 at 2:00 PM
    IT MIGHT VERY WELL BE, HE MAY NEED SOME COUNSELING WITH YOU AND YOUR EX-HUSBAND.  I'VE NEVER BEEN DIVORCED, BUT ALOT OF THE FRIENDS OF MY DAUGHTERS HAVE PARENTS THAT HAVE BEEN DIVORCED, AND IT IS A REALLY BIG ISSUE.  I COULD NOT IMAGINE THE IMPACT IT COULD HAVE ON A CHILD.  SOMETIMES WE AS PARENTS, CAN HANDLE THINGS BETTER THAN OUR KIDS.  JUST A THOUGHT.

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