Advice for Moms

Featured Posts
caroleemarr
need help with teenage son
January 9, 2008 at 11:32 AM

Here is the story, my son, johnny is 16 he started having sex, i can deal with that, but its the girlfriend, if thats what you want to call it, she (17yrs.old) is living with her 19yr old boyfriend, in her parents home. She is also "dating" my son and they are having sex. She told my son we dont care about him because we dont want them seeing each othere. i havnt stopped it, but i am wondering what to do, do i tell the other boyfriend whats going on? My son is hurting because she wont get rid of the othere guy, but yet doesnt want to not beleive her that she loves him. i believe this is very toxic for him, i dont want him to think its ok to do this to anyone. please help.

Replies

  • 4kidsandadog
    January 9, 2008 at 11:41 AM
    OH that's a horrid situation! You know she is just using your son! And you know he's going to get his heart broken! And what the hell is wrong with her parents? I've heard it all now.......you'll have to be very careful or you'll push him (unintentionally) to stay w/her. You may have to just step back and let him learn this lesson for himself.......that sucks!
  • Mardibug
    January 9, 2008 at 11:53 AM
    I know it may sound terrible of me to say, but sit him down & have a heart to heart with him.  You say you're fine with the sex issue & y'all obviously have a sceure enough relationship to talk about it, so take advantage of it!  Ask him if he's comfortable with her since she's seeing him on the sly.  Do they have anything in common other than sex?  Ask what he would do if she were to get pregnant... what if he was the father?  ...what if he wasn't?  Have a REAL conversation about STDs & don't forget to talk about other diseases that can be transmitted through just casual contact: meningitis, herpes, MRSA!  Use this situation as an opportunity to discuss what relationships are all about: mutual trust and respect, not just desire.

    I talk with my children about this kind of thing all the time.  I work in a women's prison and I see all sorts of diseases spread like wildfire & the drama involved with crazy relationships.  Just give him something to think about & let him decide for himself if this is healthy or not...  I'm sure if you talk straight with him, he'll make a wise choice!

    Love from Mardi
  • callykat20
    January 9, 2008 at 12:08 PM

    Quoting Mardibug:

    I know it may sound terrible of me to say, but sit him down & have a heart to heart with him. You say you're fine with the sex issue & y'all obviously have a sceure enough relationship to talk about it, so take advantage of it! Ask him if he's comfortable with her since she's seeing him on the sly. Do they have anything in common other than sex? Ask what he would do if she were to get pregnant... what if he was the father? ...what if he wasn't? Have a REAL conversation about STDs & don't forget to talk about other diseases that can be transmitted through just casual contact: meningitis, herpes, MRSA! Use this situation as an opportunity to discuss what relationships are all about: mutual trust and respect, not just desire.

    I talk with my children about this kind of thing all the time. I work in a women's prison and I see all sorts of diseases spread like wildfire & the drama involved with crazy relationships. Just give him something to think about & let him decide for himself if this is healthy or not... I'm sure if you talk straight with him, he'll make a wise choice!

    Love from Mardi
    I have to agree w/ this 100%.  It's definitely time to sit him down and have a talk with him.  Also, make sure he protects himself and I'd even ask the girl what kind(if any) of BC she is on.  Seriously, what kind of people are her parents??  I would call her parents and talk to them about this situation.  Definitely do not go to the gir's b/f, that could come back to bite your son in the butt. 

    I def agree w/ Mardi.

    Michelle
  • Sadie85
    by Sadie85
    January 9, 2008 at 12:16 PM
    Tell the boyfriend! He deserves to know. Also tell your son that if she is sleeping with him, and her boyfriend, God only knows how many other guys she is sleeping with. Show him pictures of what STDs do to his stuff!! Condom or not, they can still be contracted!! And when she gets pregnant (she will, trust me), nobody will know who the father of the baby is and your son will be on Maury along with 9 other guys trying to figure it out. Save him the embarrassment now. I know he must care about her or he wouldn't be having sex with her, but SHE obviously doesn't care about HIM.
  • tracylynnr67
    January 9, 2008 at 12:34 PM

    You are the parent. You have control over every aspect of your son's social life. I have a 16yo...if I thought he and his gf were having sex their time together would be really limited. As it is they are always supervised here and at her house. We drive them everywhere they have to go & they are always in the room with someone else. We talk to them ALL of the time about the consequences of having sex at their ages and they know that we (us and her parents) are NOT fine about them having sex until they are both over 18 AND out of high school. We talk all the time about many things, we have a very open relationship.


    You can make it so that your son does not see that girl, she sounds destructive and it sounds like all she's out for with your son is sex. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Condoms are not 100% effective, a girl like her may not be 100% truthful about being on the pill....your son has to understand that getting her pregnant is ALWAYS a possibility. Her parents are just asking for something to happen. My 20yo dated a girl when he was 17 whose mom let her have sex in the house, they have a son together and my son was 17 when she got pregnant. They used condoms, they didn't didn't work. I had NO clue that they were having sex...she lived with her mom, her brother, her sister, her nephew & her infant son and I really didn't think they'd have the privacy to HAVE sex but her mom would watch her grandson so they could go off and be alone.

    Parents hate being the bad guy to their teens....but that's their job. It's our job to say no and to not allow them to do adult things.

  • caroleemarr
    January 15, 2008 at 4:08 PM
    thanks for all your help we did it. thanks so much.
  • bhmom1228
    February 28, 2008 at 10:16 AM
    As soon as she turns eighteen I would have her arrested,for statutory rape.
  • Xx_Andrea_Xx
    February 28, 2008 at 10:36 AM

    you cant blame only the girl your son knows about her other boyfriend, tell him he needs to find out if they are other guys she is sleeping with, there could be more than the two, sounds like the girl has some serious issues, you need to tell him that not inly is he sleeping with her but everyone she is sleeping with now and in the past.. tell him if he's not going to show her any respect [ not saying she deserves any ] but he needs to show himself some respect and call it off with the  as my kids say ho bag. i also have a 16 yo girl and dont think for one second I wouldnt kick her ass if she even thought of doing something like that, I would let her know real quick who the parent is, and she/he was not going to bring ANY std's to my house. Put your foot down, and let him know you will not put up with it no longer.

Advice for Moms

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts