Advice for Moms

eyes_on_jesus
How do we talk to DH's 6 year old son about this?
December 2, 2013 at 2:43 PM
My dh has a 6 year old boy and since we have been together, his little boy has said nasty things and talks a lot about male and female private parts. He has gotten a lot better about it, but some of the things are disturbing. He used to constantly touch his 11 year old sister's butt. We put a stop to that. He once "accidentally" grabbed his brother's privates during bed time. And he is infatuated with my 3 year old niece.. She came over to play on our water slide a few months ago when she was still in diapers and her diaper got soaked and fell off. He stared at her privates with a curious look, but to me...it looked like more than just curiosity. My dh feels the same way sometimes. Well since that incident, nothing has happened...until Thanksgiving Day.

My sister, my niece, and my nephew came to our place for Thanksgiving. My sister came to me and my dh and said that she found them in the closet together. (Our 6 year old boy and her 3 year old daughter.) Well my dh called him into the kitchen, and ss ducked behind the crib and hid as if he knew he was doing something wrong. Dh called him again and he shook his head no. So dh started counting down from 5 and he finally came to dh. When dh asked him about it, he said he was hiding from her because she wouldn't leave him alone. He said it in a very quiet, guilty voice while looking down at the ground and playing with his hands.

My dh has no idea what to do about this.. We have had worries in our head a few times, but how do you approach a situation like this? Should we have a sit down with dh ex wife and her dh? I don't even know if they would agree to it, but should it be mentioned to them?

Replies

  • jesssanate
    December 2, 2013 at 5:37 PM
    Me too..
    We are going thru SS6 asking girls to kiss him and put their hands in his pocket...

    BM will not be honest about anything.. about 3mos ago I walked in on SS masturbating. DH and I talked to him about how it is normal to have these feelings, but that we wanted to make sure everything was ok (in the sense of where it came from. Come to find out SS6 and his aunt (5) had an inappropriate encounter.

    But we are trying to teach him like this.. He has always known there are grown up words and lil grom words.
    I said that kissing girls (who aren't mom, sister, older aunty, grandmas etc) or other friends is a grown up action.

    He understood, so lets hope he listened!!

    It will all be ok, just try to be understanding and he will open up. If you act overbearing or aggravated he will most likely shrink up.

    Good luck to you guys!

    Quoting crochetmom07: I agree with this.



    Quoting countrygirlkat:

    I would be concerned because at 6 and younger he really shouldn't even know about stuff like that so it makes you wonder where he learned it.  I would think your DH should mention it to his ex and see if she has noticed anything. 

  • eyes_on_jesus
    December 2, 2013 at 5:44 PM
    Thank you so much! I think this is going to be the plan when he comes this weekend! I'm going to talk to my dh about it and see what he thinks! Thank you!

    Quoting SamMom912:

    I think you need to sit down with SS and Hubby and talk to him. He has QUESTIONS. He is curious. Its NOT dirty.. He is 6 he sees different, hes been told all hush hush no.. Without much to back that up. Get a book, show him pictures, explain to him what they are.. Explain anatomy, how boys and girls are different. Let there be no secerts.. And explain that they are private and no one likes them touched or looked at.. And the "rules" are no one touches his. 

    Dont scare him, educate him. Hes a person, with interests and a brain. Treat him as such.. Respectfully, intelligently, open and honestly. Use clinical terms, dont be embarrassed... Bodies are really a medical miracle... Maybe he will be a Dr someday... Dnt treat him like he is doing wrong... But maybe just trying to figure out what all the hub bub is about... 

  • erinsmom1964
    December 2, 2013 at 9:10 PM
    That us riduclious...so his FATHER is supposed to just sit by and hope he isn't being a abused? BULLSHIT

    Quoting eyes_on_jesus: I wish we could. We only get him every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month and certain holidays. And we don't have the right to take him to a counselor without discussing it with his mom.



    Quoting erinsmom1964: I raised three boys and never dealt with these issues I don't find it normal at all From what your describing with the lack of communication between the boys parents if it were me I would take him to a counselor and let them sort it out.
  • eyes_on_jesus
    December 2, 2013 at 9:52 PM
    She has primary custody and I have read and retread the papers from the court. He can only take him to emergency room without notice, but any appointment has to be run by her.

    My husband can't do anything about that. He ha tried to talk to her about the kids and she won't reply. Her dh communicates with him about the kids. In my opinion, the bio parents should be the ones communicating. My dh agrees and has tried on different occasions. He also only gets to talk to his kids every Mon, Wed, and Fri between the hours of 6 and 8 pm. We pay for the kids to share a phone and most of the time tier mom and stepdad have it off. I often feel bad for my dh because he does not have the power to do much of anything. They have the control and he doesn't want to get taken to court and lose the rights he already has, so he doesn't try to start anything. And all I can do is be supportive of his decisions..

    Quoting erinsmom1964: That us riduclious...so his FATHER is supposed to just sit by and hope he isn't being a abused? BULLSHIT



    Quoting eyes_on_jesus: I wish we could. We only get him every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month and certain holidays. And we don't have the right to take him to a counselor without discussing it with his mom.





    Quoting erinsmom1964: I raised three boys and never dealt with these issues I don't find it normal at all From what your describing with the lack of communication between the boys parents if it were me I would take him to a counselor and let them sort it out.
  • RitaTequila531
    December 2, 2013 at 9:54 PM
    This

    Quoting countrygirlkat:

    I would be concerned because at 6 and younger he really shouldn't even know about stuff like that so it makes you wonder where he learned it.  I would think your DH should mention it to his ex and see if she has noticed anything. 

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    December 2, 2013 at 10:31 PM
    This

    Quoting countrygirlkat:

    I would be concerned because at 6 and younger he really shouldn't even know about stuff like that so it makes you wonder where he learned it.  I would think your DH should mention it to his ex and see if she has noticed anything. 

  • MomtoAlexis05
    December 2, 2013 at 11:24 PM

    shake handYes I would def mention to All involved as this is something that should not remain a secret, i had a similiar situation happen to me when I was younger and it let to all sorts or havoc, so please let it be known and also pls let a family counseler , agreed apon by all parties neccessary, become involved to assist as they are of great value as well , esp to try to get to the vry bottom of things such as these episodes. Please , please let us know what comes about ok??? ~~Carrie~~

  • MomtoAlexis05
    December 2, 2013 at 11:31 PM

     

    Quoting eyes_on_jesus: She has primary custodTy and I have read and retread the papers from the court. He can only take him to emergency room without notice, but any appointment has to be run by her.

    My husband can't do anything about that. He ha tried to talk to her about the kids and she won't reply. Her dh communicates with him about the kids. In my opinion, the bio parents should be the ones communicating. My dh agrees and has tried on different occasions. He also only gets to talk to his kids every Mon, Wed, and Fri between the hours of 6 and 8 pm. We pay for the kids to share a phone and most of the time tier mom and stepdad have it off. I often feel bad for my dh because he does not have the power to do much of anything. They have the control and he doesn't want to get taken to court and lose the rights he already has, so he doesn't try to start anything. And all I can do is be supportive of his decisions..

    Quoting erinsmom1964: That us riduclious...so his FATHER is supposed to just sit by and hope he isn't being a abused? BULLSHIT



    Quoting eyes_on_jesus: I wish we could. We only get him every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month and certain holidays. And we don't have the right to take him to a counselor without discussing it with his mom.





    Quoting erinsmom1964: I raised three boys and never dealt with these issues I don't find it normal at all From what your describing with the lack of communication between the boys parents if it were me I would take him to a counselor and let them sort it out.

     This is rather like myself I am the non custodial parent and I haven't much power over her and as I read and re read your above post I seen sever likenesses in my rights and that of your dh (hope I'm gtn this all straight) !! I can only do certain things and he has NO contact w/ me it's all thru via his mother who reports back and forth thru me, a shame on the parts of both of us as we shouldn't have that burden. Anyways, you are not alone and I'm even in the process of making a blog for parenting~~~w/ a focus on non custodial parenting if interested pm me alright, thanks ~~Carrie~~

  • erinsmom1964
    December 3, 2013 at 2:39 AM
    Then run it by her after he is at your home. He is waving red flags at you guys and to sit there and say there is nothing you can do is bull. Make anonymous report SOMETHING. You are full if excuses but not any solutions. How can you live with yourself if he is being hurt?

    Quoting eyes_on_jesus: She has primary custody and I have read and retread the papers from the court. He can only take him to emergency room without notice, but any appointment has to be run by her.



    My husband can't do anything about that. He ha tried to talk to her about the kids and she won't reply. Her dh communicates with him about the kids. In my opinion, the bio parents should be the ones communicating. My dh agrees and has tried on different occasions. He also only gets to talk to his kids every Mon, Wed, and Fri between the hours of 6 and 8 pm. We pay for the kids to share a phone and most of the time tier mom and stepdad have it off. I often feel bad for my dh because he does not have the power to do much of anything. They have the control and he doesn't want to get taken to court and lose the rights he already has, so he doesn't try to start anything. And all I can do is be supportive of his decisions..



    Quoting erinsmom1964: That us riduclious...so his FATHER is supposed to just sit by and hope he isn't being a abused? BULLSHIT





    Quoting eyes_on_jesus: I wish we could. We only get him every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month and certain holidays. And we don't have the right to take him to a counselor without discussing it with his mom.







    Quoting erinsmom1964: I raised three boys and never dealt with these issues I don't find it normal at all From what your describing with the lack of communication between the boys parents if it were me I would take him to a counselor and let them sort it out.
  • surromama
    December 3, 2013 at 2:49 AM
    I think he should see a counselor. There is curiosity and then there's beyond. It wouldn't hurt and maybe it can help. My step brothers talked about sex, body parts, etc a lot when I met them at 7 and 10. It wasn't from abuse, more of what they were around at their dads house. It turned into more. My sister and I were often molested by one of them. You need to figure it out before he acts on thoughts at school. Good luck.

Advice for Moms