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Briangel
Clingy baby - HELP!!
July 6, 2013 at 8:04 PM
So we're on a 2 week vacation at my patents w/toddler and 1 yr old. Well my 1 yr old doesn't know my parents and won't let me put her down! It's driving me nuts. Well my mother thinks I should leave every day for a short time for her to learn that I will come back, we think she may be so attached cuz a while ago my husband left for deployment and hasn't been back. I think she may be worried I won't come back. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad idea. Any thoughts?
We've been here a few days and I can barely get away long enough for shower.

Replies

  • TexanMomOf6
    July 6, 2013 at 8:18 PM

    Peekaboo has been used for generations. It shows although somethiing disappears, it comes back. Just disappear a little longer each day.

    Your mom is right.

  • Briangel
    July 6, 2013 at 8:50 PM
    Thanks. My mil was telling me its a terrible idea that I will scare her too much. But I was thinking it wasn't such a bad idea.


    Quoting TexanMomOf6:

    Peekaboo has been used for generations. It shows although somethiing disappears, it comes back. Just disappear a little longer each day.


    Your mom is right.


  • Briangel
    July 6, 2013 at 9:01 PM
    So how would you do it, say bye or sneak out. Saying bye she will surely cry, but I would be able to sneak without her crying. I have been able to do that when I have to take a shower or get the diaper bag ready, etc. but the second she sees me it's an instant melt down and she will no longer play with anyone else.


    Quoting TexanMomOf6:

    Peekaboo has been used for generations. It shows although somethiing disappears, it comes back. Just disappear a little longer each day.


    Your mom is right.


  • frndlyfn
    July 6, 2013 at 9:44 PM

    Unfortunately in this case, you have to trust your mom and perhaps go for a walk. Dont use "bye' instead say "be back in a while"  Dd was the toddler that is just fine with whomever and if i walked back into the room hysterics would start.    If she cries, trust your mom to figure out how to entertain her during the fit.   I am sure it is scary for her not to understand where daddy went since she is incredibly young.  Their brains are not meant to understand this type of thing.

  • TexanMomOf6
    July 6, 2013 at 10:11 PM

     At the daycares I have watched both methods. It depends on the child certainly.

     I Suggest the following:  your mom have something ready to distract her, like her favorite toy or book. You get ready, kiss the kids, tell them you are going to get a treat and you will be back in a few minutes. Walk out the door and let mom handle distracting her (both of them). Resist walking back in when you hear crying. Your mom managed to raise you so I bet she can deal with a crying baby for a few minutes!!  Then when a few minutes have passed, come back in the door with a special treat for everyone. They will be excited you are back but the treat should distract her from clinging so much. Get something that she has to sit in her highchair to eat so she cannot hang onto you. Put her into her chair and give her the treat before she gets attached to you!!!  Try to keep that treat exclusively for your return.  Since you have a limited time to work on it, perhaps you can do it 2 times a day so she can learn that not only do people come back, they have hugs and a treat!

    When you don't have help you can still reinforce the lesson......  You could  set an egg timer in the kitchen and hide in the pantry then come out when the timer goes off.  Or do the same thing in the shower. Anything to show her you are coming back.  

    Once you get back home you might consider putting the kids in a "mommys day out" program one day a week. Mommy needs some time for herself too!

    Remember, this too shall pass!

     

    Quoting Briangel:

    So how would you do it, say bye or sneak out. Saying bye she will surely cry, but I would be able to sneak without her crying. I have been able to do that when I have to take a shower or get the diaper bag ready, etc. but the second she sees me it's an instant melt down and she will no longer play with anyone else.


    Quoting TexanMomOf6:

    Peekaboo has been used for generations. It shows although somethiing disappears, it comes back. Just disappear a little longer each day.


    Your mom is right.



     

  • Lindalou907
    July 7, 2013 at 10:44 AM

    Listen to your mother, you need a break.Also, it's okay to put her down, if she cries, she cries. Have your parents and her sibling distract her while you do other things. She will learn that other people are also fun and will help her when she needs something.

  • heretolisten
    July 7, 2013 at 10:59 AM

    I say bad idea. Your child is already traumatized. You're now in a strange place as well. It's too much.  I wouldn't proceed with such a tactict unless you were at your own home where she is familiar and more comfortable. Start with letting her play in a run-around type exersaucer with her favorite cartoon and go into another room for a couple minutes.  You only have one chance to comfort your child and make sure you don't make things worse for her exisiting seperation anxiety.  Your mother is a stranger to her.  She needs to feel comfortable with her before you up and walk away.  You can't undo further damage without extensive effort so I would advise you to do it right the first time.  This is NOT the time.  My son was like this.  I just put him in his high chair in the bathroom with me with some snacks when I took a shower.  He liked the peek a boo game from behind the shower curtain.  At home, he got used to the routine of his exersaucer time with cartoons and me with door open telling him I would be right back.  Keep in mind, showers were not luxury relaxation moments, but rather quick 5 minute rapid clean opportunities, but he's worth the sacrifice.  Is your mom being nurturing and attentive to your child?  Is she being sympathetic or annoyed with the crying?  Your child is also likely picking up on your anxiety/stress.  Just keep in mind, baby is dealing with a lot of emotions right now so I would be as attentive and doting as possible.  

  • healingone
    July 7, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    It is 100% completely developmentally normal for your one year old to have some stranger anxiety .  Especially given the loss of  her dad!  This is normal, normal normal, and you will be doing her a severe injustice if you try to help her "unattach" abruptly when she is in a fearful state.  She nees your encouragement to get to like and interact with new people while she is in your arms, and lose her fearfullness gently and in an encouraging way.  BABies and toddlers sense when their mom is anxious as you say it is driving you crazy, so she is responding with more anxiety, not less to your own frustration.  Accept her and they dynamics as they are, relax and breathe deeply mama and she will know you are relaxing and you are loving and gente with her and then she will loosen up too.  It is hard to have patience at times like these when the older generation and those who raised you have opinions and think you are doing things "wrong,"  YOu are not, and you need to trust both your feelings and hers, but gentle encouragement along with acceptance.  Hugs mama!!  Blessings!!! 

  • SewingMamaLele
    July 7, 2013 at 1:10 PM
    Separation anxiety is common at this age anyway, and pushing her away is not going to help... Two weeks is not long enough for a "lesson" like that to work. Just give her what she needs, and she'll get comfortable when she's ready.
  • glitterrain
    July 7, 2013 at 2:00 PM

    yep what ur mom suggested i think is a good ide! my one year old is really clingy to, shes bad evne with people she knows, like her baby sitter, i legit had to bring her up to her house before i left (she lived upstairs from me) and her , the babysitters, mom would take her and distracted her while i sneak out, if she doesnt see me leave she doesnt know im gone!  shes the same wiht my dad and my dad is the only family member close enough to watch her, hes older and is disabled so i dont normally leave her with him, or id i do its not a long time, but one day i had to  go to the dentist and she was not having it, she sees my dad all the time, all i did was walk out to get her stuff and she ran to me crying, i ended up just taking her with me!  so i know all about it, i heard what ur mom suggested works great i never tried it bci never could, but if i can i will!  gl

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