Advice for Moms

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navygirlrider
How would you react/What should I do?
May 17, 2013 at 11:30 PM

Good Evening Ladies! Let me start out by saying I have a two year old and a 3 month old (both boys). They have two different fathers. My oldest son's father is in the Marine Corps in Missouri and he pays child support and has nothing to do with him upon his own will. My youngest son's father is in the Navy (I used to be active duty Navy) in Virginia Beach. He doubted that my youngest was his child and all this for no reason. Well, about a week ago, the paternity test results came back and he is the father! Now all of a sudden, he wants to be involved in his son's life (go figure)...

Well, I took a leap of faith and started dating a guy named Luke in February shortly after my youngest was born. Luke has been nothing but awesome to me and my boys. He loves us three unconditionally and I can truly tell that. He knows everything about my past and I have been very up front about it. He accepts everything because it makes me who I am today.  He thinks that I am an amazing mom and an amazing woman at the same time. He is always praising how well I do (and I am #1 in my class in my senior year of nursing school). The problem that we are up against right now is that we only get to see each other one or maybe two days on the weekend and that is it due to me working full time first shift and going to clinicals for nursing school from 8 pm to 3 am and then him working second shift at his job (we do not live together). When I first met him, I told him that I was looking for someone who was willing to be there with me and the boys and enjoy life's moments together. I just feel like he is missing out on so much and that there is nothing that either one of us can do to help it because of our conflicting schedules. I feel really bad and sometimes I snap at him because of this and he tells me we just need to wait it out (mind you that  I dont graudate until August from school) and that we can be together more then...I really dont know what to do...what would you do?

Oh and another thing...Since my youngest son's father has been in the picture trying to contact me alot, my boyfriend is accepting of that but he is standoffish at the same time because he wants the best for my yougest and he feels like his biological father is not the answer for that (I feel the same way).

Replies

  • sabrtooth1
    May 18, 2013 at 12:01 AM

    You have 2 kids from 2 different fathers.  Practically the same time you were giving birth to the last kid, you started dating another man, and now, after only 3 MONTHS, of seeing him only 1 or 2 days a week, you can "...truly tell..."  that he loves you and YOUR kids "unconditionally".  Wake up!  Do you need to be in some man's bed THAT desperately?  You don't even KNOW this guy.

    You need to get your shit together.  Do not drag ANOTHER man into your children's lives, for who knows how long, till you get pregnant AGAIN, and he dumps you.  Spend time growing up, BY YOURSELF.  

  • A.J.s_mommy
    May 18, 2013 at 12:05 AM
    What a mess. Finish school and focus on your children.
  • 143myboys9496
    May 18, 2013 at 12:07 AM

     With regard to spending time together..it's easy for me to say..but at this point you're so close to graduating, I'd just do the best I could to hang in there knowing that you'll be able to spend more time together then. I mean, if you're not really in a position to change your schedule, what can you do but hang in there?

    With regard to the father of your youngest...he IS his father, and has a right to see him. Whether or not he's the best answer for your ds,at this point is like closing the barn door after all the horses get out. All you can do is go to court, get it all in writing..custody, support, visitation. And move on from there.

  • Nicoles2LilRams
    May 18, 2013 at 12:12 AM
    Finish school, August isn't even really that far off. Don't make any life changing decisions until YOU are settled. If he loves you as much as you think he shouldn't rush you. As Pp said, the relationship is still new. Not saying that he isn't the one, but with kids you have to take things slowly. Take your time and be absolutely sure.
    Give your ex a chance with his son..they both deserve it.
  • Karen_S
    by Karen_S
    May 18, 2013 at 12:31 AM

    It's a pretty big red flag for me that you see waiting until August for more time together as a big deal.  A mature, committed relationship can easily handle three months of twice-weekly dates.  What is the hurry?  You have had two relationships where you went too far too fast...please think carefully about whether you are repeating that pattern.  What would be so bad about having "only" two nights a week with your boyfriend while you focus on school for a couple of months? If you see that as some kind of crisis, then I think you are in way too much of a hurry.  

  • JustMomToSM
    May 19, 2013 at 4:19 AM
    Dear, u r speeding that fast i can barely keep track:( unfortunately i dont know how life is at such speed, so i cant give you any advice. But i just wonder how can u do them all? I m a sahm, 1 boy, a stable relationship, school over and sometimes i feel it s too much for me ...

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