Advice for Moms

webberley12
My husband is afraid of the topic of "sex"
April 29, 2013 at 1:21 AM

I don't know how to deal with my husband's issue with sex. I swear he starts to raise his voice every time I bring up sex. I've been dealing with it when it comes to us and our sex life, nothing can be out of the norm or even close to taboo. Including me having an orgasm... and any tipe of toy is the devil! But he likes to have anal but I can't even talk about anything else or try anything. I am dealing with it. But now I tried to talk to him about how we are going to talk to our son about sex and he was like we don't need too, the Bible says it all. While I am a devote Christian and would like to raise my son that way I refuse to be niave. We both had sex before marriage and even though I would hope my son would wait, he might not. I don't many that have. I hate arguing with my husband because he is 6'7" and he gets loud. And always does it in front of our son who is 5 months old and I sacrifice my view's to save my son from seeing or hearing it. I don't know what to do, and I am so frusturating by this. I don't know what to do. HELP.

Replies

  • frndlyfn
    April 29, 2013 at 1:47 AM

    Since your son is only 5 months old, you have a long time to breach that topic.   You both need some serious counseling to be able to discuss these topics freely with each other and not fear the other getting upset with you.  How was he raised growing up?

  • webberley12
    April 29, 2013 at 1:53 AM

    He was raised by the Bible, parents never had to sex talk with him and he waited till he was like 18 or so to have sex and then a lot but I wasn't talked about it and I had it very early and often. I know that we have time but I don't want to be an issue when the time comes. We have done counseling quite a bit but I feel like I've just gotten quieter and he hasn't really gotten better.


    Quoting frndlyfn:

    Since your son is only 5 months old, you have a long time to breach that topic.   You both need some serious counseling to be able to discuss these topics freely with each other and not fear the other getting upset with you.  How was he raised growing up?



  • frndlyfn
    April 29, 2013 at 2:17 AM

    Let him know it is about safety, not giving the child permission to have intimate relations with another person. Would he listen to a person of leadership within the church? My dad was a minister of a few churches and mom made sure to talk to us all about the biological side of sex.  Body parts, what happens when there is intimacy,  that all forms count as sex , etc.   When health class got around to teaching it, i had already known the basics but the class helped more with all the potential diseases and that type of stuff.

  • webberley12
    April 29, 2013 at 4:37 AM

    we don't attend church since his mom has convinced him that most the people there are pretender christians. And even though it's not something I believe or feel the right to pass judgement we don't go. Plus he wants our children homeschooled. Very good advice though


    Quoting frndlyfn:

    Let him know it is about safety, not giving the child permission to have intimate relations with another person. Would he listen to a person of leadership within the church? My dad was a minister of a few churches and mom made sure to talk to us all about the biological side of sex.  Body parts, what happens when there is intimacy,  that all forms count as sex , etc.   When health class got around to teaching it, i had already known the basics but the class helped more with all the potential diseases and that type of stuff.



  • funhappymom
    April 29, 2013 at 9:44 AM

    I think you need to get back into counseling, even if you go alone. It sounds like if you don't learn how to speak up now (you can do it respectfully and within the guidelines of the Bible), you are in for a very long and not so happy marriage.

    Hang in there!



  • Bmat
    by Bmat
    April 29, 2013 at 1:53 PM

    This sounds very wise.  I'd include STDs and what happens if one has a baby- a baby being a human being and not a cuddly toy.  Don't dance if you aren't willing to pay the piper.

    Quoting frndlyfn:

    Let him know it is about safety, not giving the child permission to have intimate relations with another person. Would he listen to a person of leadership within the church? My dad was a minister of a few churches and mom made sure to talk to us all about the biological side of sex.  Body parts, what happens when there is intimacy,  that all forms count as sex , etc.   When health class got around to teaching it, i had already known the basics but the class helped more with all the potential diseases and that type of stuff.


  • luvemboth
    April 29, 2013 at 2:05 PM
    I'd try to talk him into going to counseling by himself. Maybe he'll open up more that way. Communication is so vital in marriage & parenting...not just about subjects we're comfortable with. Have him look up Marriage Works! on Facebook. I've learned a lot thru them about what sex is suppose to mean, communication, etc...all from a Christian/Biblical point of view.
  • LindaClement
    April 29, 2013 at 4:45 PM

    Sounds like the victim of childhood sexual abuse, to me. He'll need professional help, probably.

  • Lydlou02
    April 29, 2013 at 4:57 PM
    If you're doing as he says to keep peace in the home.... That doesn't Sound like a healthy environment for you or your son. Was yours perhaps a shotgun wedding?
    Do you love your husband? Is yhe relationship worth fighting for? Does he feel the same?
    Everyone at church is at a different point in their walk with Christ, and some ppl are at the point of going through yhe motions but not having a real connection, but it is not our place to judge. Maybe you should mention that to him. Judge not lest ye be judged.
    Not "allowing" YOU to attend a church is keeping you isolated, which is a tactic of abusive controlling individuals.
  • Lindsay4Ambit
    April 29, 2013 at 5:02 PM

    WAIT. Devout Christian's that do anal?! Did you not know all of this before y'all got married? I don't know what I'd do. SO and I are super open about our sex life. We try a lot of things, but not anal. Or thresomes, lol. 

Advice for Moms