Advice for Moms

Ms.Pteranodon
When an ex dies..
April 18, 2013 at 1:58 PM
Is it okay to go to the funeral?

The last guy I dated my husband died today.

We weren't that serious. We only dated for one summer and we actually broke up because I was looking for something more. He wanted to party and drink all the time and I couldn't do that. I had just started a very demanding job and I had a 2 year old to think about.

But we were pretty good friends before we started dating. He was my cousins best friend.

I want to go to the funeral... Idk to say good bye. But I don't want to offended anyone. We had a pretty bad break up. His mom loved me. She thought I was "good for him." But the truth he wasn't good for me and I couldn't ask him to grow up, it was just too much to ask.

We did talk a couple of times after the break up, and even though he was heart broken at first he admitted to me that we were headed in different directions. He ended up being glad I broke up with him.

But back to my point...

I just don't know what to do.

Replies

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    April 18, 2013 at 2:01 PM

    Nothing wrong with going. 

  • momcat437
    April 18, 2013 at 2:02 PM

     I don't see how showing your respect to him and his family would be offensive (although I know what you're saying)--I say, if it's important to you, then go!

  • TrouserMouse
    April 18, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    Yes. It is still a piece of your life that you do not have to ignore. At one time, they were someone really important to you.

  • luvemboth
    April 18, 2013 at 2:03 PM
    As long as dh is ok with it, I don't see a problem. He was someone special to you and you must have had some kind of connection still to know he had died. Sorry for the loss.
  • Mommy2justone
    April 18, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    If you knew the family well I would, if you just dated him and had no relationship with the family, I wouldn't. But you said that your cousin was best friends with him, so maybe you could go together. 

  • Ms.Pteranodon
    April 18, 2013 at 2:11 PM
    Yes, I knew his family well. His mom LOVED me while we were dating. She would make jokes about us getting married which made him really uneasy.

    But after we broke up she made comments about me using him or whatever... Even though it wasn't like that. He was 20 years old at the time we were dating. I was 19 with a two year old. It wasn't fair to him for me to ask him to grow up when he was just acting his age.

    My cousin doesn't even know yet. But I will ask him.


    Quoting Mommy2justone:

    If you knew the family well I would, if you just dated him and had no relationship with the family, I wouldn't. But you said that your cousin was best friends with him, so maybe you could go together. 


  • Ms.Pteranodon
    April 18, 2013 at 2:13 PM
    We are still friends on Facebook and that is how I found out. But we also still talk every now and then.

    He helped me fix my phone a few weeks ago. My DH told him how to fix his car.

    My niece went to a baseball game with him about a month ago.

    I don't think my DH would have a problem


    Quoting luvemboth:

    As long as dh is ok with it, I don't see a problem. He was someone special to you and you must have had some kind of connection still to know he had died. Sorry for the loss.

  • Bleacheddecay
    April 18, 2013 at 3:02 PM

    My question would be how would your ex-es SO if any feel?

    How would you feel if your current SO died and his ex came to the funeral?

    It sounds like it would be okay because you are all so friendly and casual about it but those are some things to think about.

  • Ms.Pteranodon
    April 18, 2013 at 3:39 PM

    My ex that passed away was not dating anyone when he died. He wasn't really a commitment relationship person, one of the reasons we broke up.  

    If my husband died, there are some of his exs that I don't think I would not mind seeing. But then there are other exs that would be asked to leave,



    Quoting Bleacheddecay:

    My question would be how would your ex-es SO if any feel?

    How would you feel if your current SO died and his ex came to the funeral?

    It sounds like it would be okay because you are all so friendly and casual about it but those are some things to think about.



  • jabs54
    by jabs54
    April 18, 2013 at 3:43 PM

     As long as your presence would not upset anyone it is fine for you to go and pay your respects.

Advice for Moms