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ready4happiness
Am I wrong to mourn
April 18, 2013 at 5:45 AM

My xhusband and father to my youngest passed away 3 weeks ago after a courageous battle with colon cancer. He and I remained good friends because of our child. While he was ill I would go visit and bring our child until he got so bad that I didn't feel someone so young should see their parent in that kind of pain. Anyway, I stuck with him and held his hand and talked. He didn't have any friends only me and a few family members. My daughter is going through counseling which seems to be going ok. The issue is I miss him and talking and seeing him. I am remarried and my new husband resented me taking the time out of our lives to be with my x. So, I am not aloud to greve the way I need to. Is it wrong of me to hurt this much. We were together almost 15 years.

Replies

  • robyann
    by robyann
    April 19, 2013 at 9:35 AM

    No it is not wrong for you to grieve the death of your ex. He is the father of your child, he will always hold a place in your heart. Your new dh is being selfish and immature. He should comfort you during this time. 

    You are grieving because you lost your friend, you lost your ex, but you are also grieving  because your child lost their father. 

    You do need to grieve and come to terms with this. If your dh won't allow this, he is setting you and himself up for issues later on. Go ahead and greive however you need to, if your dh doesn't like it let him deal with that. 

  • squirrelml
    April 19, 2013 at 9:43 AM

    Your new husband needs to understand a friend is a friend no matter what. You have a right,to mourn for anyone. Its a loss of a friend and if your husband cant see it that way tough! Karma will be in his shoes someday(another words someday the shoe will be on the other foot).And will he have the same feelings/or remember this valueable lesson?

     It took me over 5 years of mourning my service dog I had when I first married my (ex)husband,and he never understood it,untill 20 years later-when it happened a similiar thing to him. Some people it takes longer to learn the value of friendship than others.

  • Lindalou907
    April 19, 2013 at 12:40 PM

    No, you are not wrong, it wouldn't be healthy not to mourn the loss. Just keep reassuring your husband that you love him and chose to be with him. Text him during the day now and then, make him feel supported and loved.

  • nurbabe82
    April 19, 2013 at 12:43 PM

     

    Quoting jhslove:

    It's never wrong to mourn. Grief is an individual process, and everyone has the right to do it in their own way. Take the time you need--this person filled an important part in your life, and now he's gone. I think a lot of people would go through mourning for someone like that.

    *hugs*

     

  • storkradio193
    April 19, 2013 at 12:59 PM

    I agree with others that mourning is a natural feeling and he played an important role in your life.  Don't repress the feelings and give yourself the time and space to feel.    

  • LuvMommysBabies
    April 19, 2013 at 2:56 PM
    Its not wrong to mourn, after all you 2 shared a life together at one point and time.
  • Diane1223
    April 20, 2013 at 12:21 AM

    I think it is definitely ok; He was the father to your child and you were together a long time :)

  • rebeccasmly
    April 20, 2013 at 12:25 AM
    It is never wrong to mourn. You may both have moved on but you spent many years together and share a child together. Your husband is wrong and being insensitive. I'm sorry for your loss and your daughter's loss.
  • lazyd
    by lazyd
    April 20, 2013 at 1:11 PM

    Yes, you should still be able to grieve.  You can still feel love for your EX, especially since you guys had a child together.  Tell your hubby to get over it.  Sorry for your loss and hope your daughter gets all the help she needs and you to!!  You can hurt as much as you want!  Take the time to grieve too.  

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