Advice for Moms

AScaredMomma
He calls you what?!?
April 17, 2013 at 3:24 PM
My dh and I have custody of his younger brother who is nine. We took him out of an alcoholic and abusive house with his mother to come live with us. He always calls my dh and bm by their first names but since the first week he was here he has always called me Mom, or 'shima' (mom in Navajo) This has never really bothered me since I know I am the closest thing he's ever really expereienced to a mother but when we are out in public it does make for some awkward conversations since I am very obviously not the mother (he's pure navajo and I'm white as rice, he is nine and almost as tall as me) but recently my MIL, his bm, found out that he does this and is very angry and says its inappropriate for him to do so, Is she right? What should he call me? If you were in this situation what would you ask the little boy to call you by?

Replies

  • mommy404204
    April 17, 2013 at 3:29 PM

    If you have custody of him then it is really none of the bm's business what he calls you. and since you are acting in the mother role then i see no problem with him calling you mom.

  • jackiewal10
    April 17, 2013 at 3:32 PM

    I think he should call you whatever he's comfortable calling you.  It's not like you sat him down and demanded that he call you mom.  He came up with that all on his own.  TBH, who CARES what your MIL thinks.  If her judgement were that great, she'd still have custody of her son. But it's not and she doesn't.

  • lilmama8408
    April 17, 2013 at 3:33 PM
    Whatever he and you are ok with. Esp if his bio parent(s) are not involved.
  • Mom2Just1
    April 17, 2013 at 3:35 PM



    Quoting mommy404204:

    If you have custody of him then it is really none of the bm's business what he calls you. and since you are acting in the mother role then i see no problem with him calling you mom.



  • rmebrat1020
    April 17, 2013 at 3:36 PM

    He is 9 yrs old, he obviously is comfortable calling you mom and as long as you are comfortable with it then there should be no problem. Explain to MIL and BM that it was his choice and that you did not insist or force him to call you mom.

  • Matriarch87
    April 17, 2013 at 3:37 PM

    I would let him call me whatever he wanted to...your mil and bm can fly a kite.

  • jackiewal10
    April 17, 2013 at 3:38 PM

    The MIL *is* the BM.

    Quoting rmebrat1020:

    He is 9 yrs old, he obviously is comfortable calling you mom and as long as you are comfortable with it then there should be no problem. Explain to MIL and BM that it was his choice and that you did not insist or force him to call you mom.


  • lacyd75
    by lacyd75
    April 17, 2013 at 3:39 PM

     I agree with jackiewal10 and mommy404204. Let him call you whatever he is comfy with. If it doesn't bother you then who cares what they think. My friend and her husband have both his kids. They have contact with their mother but they still call my friend mom because thats exactly what she is to them. She is the mom role by far more than their BM.

  • AScaredMomma
    April 17, 2013 at 3:39 PM

    Quoting jackiewal10:

    I think he should call you whatever he's comfortable calling you.  It's not like you sat him down and demanded that he call you mom.  He came up with that all on his own.  TBH, who CARES what your MIL thinks.  If her judgement were that great, she'd still have custody of her son. But it's not and she doesn't.


    Thats pretty much what I thought too. I didn't demand him to but thats what he chose. In general we don't let her communicate with him unless he wants it but recently he called my husband (to ask for more money...but thats another story)and overheard him call me mom in the background so thats what sparked this. Her saying something like that made me stop and think about it.
  • spitfire.mommy
    April 17, 2013 at 3:40 PM
    I think he should be allowed to call you whatever he is comfortable with. Obviously your MIL isn't in a great position to get upset. If she didn't want her son to become attatched to someone else she should have thought about how her actions were going to affect him.

Advice for Moms