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AScaredMomma
He calls you what?!?
April 17, 2013 at 3:24 PM
My dh and I have custody of his younger brother who is nine. We took him out of an alcoholic and abusive house with his mother to come live with us. He always calls my dh and bm by their first names but since the first week he was here he has always called me Mom, or 'shima' (mom in Navajo) This has never really bothered me since I know I am the closest thing he's ever really expereienced to a mother but when we are out in public it does make for some awkward conversations since I am very obviously not the mother (he's pure navajo and I'm white as rice, he is nine and almost as tall as me) but recently my MIL, his bm, found out that he does this and is very angry and says its inappropriate for him to do so, Is she right? What should he call me? If you were in this situation what would you ask the little boy to call you by?

Replies

  • Zazayam
    by Zazayam
    April 18, 2013 at 11:58 PM

    He's old enough to decide what role you fill in his life, if he feels comfortable calling you mom and you're ok with it then I don't see an issue.

  • rebeccasmly
    April 19, 2013 at 12:03 AM
    He should call you whatever he feels comfortable calling you. If BM was really concerned about him calling another woman "mom", she should have been a mother to him.
  • AScaredMomma
    April 19, 2013 at 12:41 AM
    He will be with us till he is ready to go to college, I nor dh could ever return him to that life, he was neglected to such a horrible degree the judge cried. When we went in to get him there were two packs of ramen and nothing else to eat, the mom was drunk, the trailer they lived in was infested with bed bugs so badly they were crawling all over the walls and he was covered in bites... no he will never go back to that life...


    Quoting Karen_S:

    Do you expect this to be temporary custody or permanent?  If it is permanent, and you expect to act as this boy's parent for life, then it's fine for him to call you what he wants.  BM needs to deal with the fact that she messed up their relationship.  But if it is only temporary custody, be a little careful with how the boy will feel when he goes back...it might be better for him to think of you in a different way if it won't last.  A mom is for life, IMHO.

    How wonderful that you opened your home to this child in need.  


  • paintitblack0
    April 19, 2013 at 12:44 AM

    Since you guys have custody of him and he feels comfortable calling you that and you have no problem with it as well... I see nothing wrong with that especially since she's an alcoholic and was abusive towards him

  • Karen_S
    by Karen_S
    April 19, 2013 at 12:46 AM


    Hugs to you and yor big heart.  Sounds to me like you're a mom to him!

    Quoting AScaredMomma:

    He will be with us till he is ready to go to college, I nor dh could ever return him to that life, he was neglected to such a horrible degree the judge cried. When we went in to get him there were two packs of ramen and nothing else to eat, the mom was drunk, the trailer they lived in was infested with bed bugs so badly they were crawling all over the walls and he was covered in bites... no he will never go back to that life...


    Quoting Karen_S:

    Do you expect this to be temporary custody or permanent?  If it is permanent, and you expect to act as this boy's parent for life, then it's fine for him to call you what he wants.  BM needs to deal with the fact that she messed up their relationship.  But if it is only temporary custody, be a little careful with how the boy will feel when he goes back...it might be better for him to think of you in a different way if it won't last.  A mom is for life, IMHO.

    How wonderful that you opened your home to this child in need.  




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