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A question for all you moms who don't spank, yet have disciplined kids
April 6, 2013 at 12:12 PM
How do you do it?

My 3 yo is driving me insane. I'm a wreck. Everytime I look at her I want to cry. I don't know the first thing about discipline, but I know I don't want to spank and no one supports my decision.


  • Onemiracle
    April 7, 2013 at 8:38 AM

    Did anyone mention Love and Logic yet?  It works with 123 magic, and the nice thing is they have classes you can take

    I took a class a few years ago and learned so much - and it was terrific to hear from other moms and get some perspective on just how "bad" my kiddo is.

    Maybe you are in the same situation?  2s were terrific!  3s are terrifying...

  • Blessedlife79
    April 7, 2013 at 8:39 AM

    Time outs dont work with my youngest (3). She is obsessed with Strawberry if she has behaved during the day she gets a small cup at night. Works 95% of the time :)

  • mzblack22
    April 7, 2013 at 8:59 AM

    3s are hard!  Hang in there -  show her you're strong and in charge, but loving and accepting.  Let her know you DO know what to do.  Time outs will work for 2 or 3 min.  Keep putting her back in the chair or area but dont hold her down.  Most important, is let her know something she CAN do or say to replace the naughty behavior.  "It's not OK to ______, but you CAN ___________and that would be much nicer/better manners..." etc.  Quick and easy, no long lectures.. Also catch her being good a lot, no matter what it is, and say, "Wow, I really like the way you are _________that is soooo nice!"  Give her stickers or something to show you love her good behavior.    No need for spanking!

  • SweetLuci
    April 7, 2013 at 9:10 AM

     You have to be consistent. Tell her what the rule is, the consequences if she doesn't obey, then follow through. And don't say anything else. Don't lecture, don't plead, don't keep warning her. Keep it simple. And don't get mad. Just do what you need to do and ignore her whining or whatever. She just wants your attention. When she gets it by good behavior, and not by bad behavior, she'll change.

  • Basherte
    April 7, 2013 at 11:04 AM

    time out. 

  • red.intuition
    April 7, 2013 at 11:14 AM

    This is exactly how it goes in my house! It's worked thus far, ds is 6. Dd is only 5mo, so I always remind him that he needs to carry himself right if he wants to teach sis right from wrong.

    Also we don't spank, there has been maybe once or twice that he has actually gotten his butt spanked. It hurt his feelings more than anything, so I will threaten with a butt whoopin... When I say 1, he gets his butt movin! He has never found out what happens when I get to 3, but judging by he way he jumps at 1 he knows shit is gonna go down!! 

    Quoting 5PointedHuman:

    I ask politely once, firmly tell once, and then it's corner time. I don't speak until I have eye contact either. When my son is getting out of hand, I'll ask him if he's proud of himself right now. The answer is always 'no', if he's acting up, and we then discuss how he can be a better leader for his younger sister.

  • texasmommy125
    April 7, 2013 at 1:17 PM

    Magic 1 2 3 works well with older kids, and time outs are effective.  Don't pay attention when she acts out while on time out.  It's just a way to get your attention.  The hardest part is staying calm and impassive while disciplining.  My son went through the same stage.

    Good luck!

  • brittany208
    April 7, 2013 at 4:24 PM

     Supernanny would say to just keep taking her back, time and time and time again without giving her any attention. And eventually she'll get it.

    When I very first started time-outs when my son was about 18mo, I would put him in the corner by the front door and block him in with the armchair. He was in a small, triangle space that he couldnt get out of and couldnt hurt himself in. he wasnt tall enough to see me, but I could still keep an eye on him. Eventually he learned that he had to stay put, and I was able to not have to pen him in anymore.

    Quoting _AshlynNicole:

    I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.

    Quoting Lindalou907:

    Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.


  • Carreon
    by Carreon
    April 7, 2013 at 6:19 PM

    I never spank my kids and for the most part they are great. I have always been a "time out" mom and my husband it a "time out " dad. We very rarely after the age of 4 have to use it, just a treat usually works. Hitting a child is cruel and makes no since fear me? I want my children to understand WHY not just What they did was wrong, annoying, mean, rude or just driving mommy crazy. We have a chair, it is their size it faces out in their room back being toward the wall. I usually give 3 chances the 3rd being time out I put them in the chair tell them what they did and why it is wrong I stay in the room with my back turned for 1 min for the age so for your daughter 3 min. If they get up I put them back in and (I do not start time over) go on. At the end I say again why they are there and give a hug and move on. If they continue to cry I ask them if they need a moment. Children are little people and so I treat mine how I want to be treated. My 12 year old is a dream the others are on their way. Good luck

  • MamaSnaps
    April 7, 2013 at 6:20 PM

    Go out and buy these two books: 1-2-3 Magic and Positive Discipline. I promise they will make your life SOOOOOO much easier. 

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