Featured Posts
_AshlynNicole
A question for all you moms who don't spank, yet have disciplined kids
April 6, 2013 at 12:12 PM
How do you do it?

My 3 yo is driving me insane. I'm a wreck. Everytime I look at her I want to cry. I don't know the first thing about discipline, but I know I don't want to spank and no one supports my decision.

Replies

  • Lindalou907
    April 6, 2013 at 3:30 PM

    I'm just telling her what worked for me, I have 3 amazing adult children. They are kind, loving, smart, and extremely well educated. I stand by my advice.



    Quoting 5PointedHuman:

    Oh my god. Do not hold a child down! This results in her feeling constricted and causes things to escalate. Walk away. When she gets out of time out, put her back without uttering a word. Repeat as many times as needed. Yes, this child is strong willed, which is why the mother and father must encourage her to be strong willed about doing the right thing.


    Quoting Lindalou907:

    I would smack her butt, but if you don't want to spank, I respect that, just hold her down. Kids need limits, she really does want to know what the rules are and what the consequenses are for breaking them. She is "strong willed" which can be very difficult, but you have to be stronger or she will get into all kinds of trouble as a teenager!



    Quoting _AshlynNicole:

    I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.

    Quoting Lindalou907:

    Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.







  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    April 6, 2013 at 3:36 PM
    You leave her there and walk away. She gets out you put her back and do not talk until she sits there. If she hits and kicks and you give in, she wins, or you talk to her. Do not engage. When she is done go over and explain again why she was there and demand an apology and then hug. It only works if you do this every time.


    Quoting _AshlynNicole:

    I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.



    Quoting Lindalou907:

    Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.


  • Sassy762
    April 7, 2013 at 2:13 AM

    I have never spanked a child in 34 years ( I had 7 kids and 9 grandkids....I have custody of my 4 youngest grandkids). I have always used Time Outs, taking away privileges, they do extra chores. The thing is you have to be consistant and don't back down and relent after a few days

    BTW....3 isn't so bad......just wait until the teen years. Then you will be praying for her to be 3 again, lol

    I found this online about the children's temperaments according to their age

    Whimsical Ones (x1) 
    Terrible Twos (x2) 
    Terrifying Threes (x3) 
    Fearsome Fours (x4) 
    FIERCE FIVES (x5) 
    Sour Sixes (x6) 
    SNEAKY SEVENS (x7) 
    EVIL EIGHTS (x8) 
    Nasty Nines (x9) 
    Tense TENS (x10) 
    ELECTRIFYING ELEVENS (x11) 
    TRICKY TWELVEs (x12) 
  • BeanieBlue
    April 7, 2013 at 2:43 AM

    When I was growing up, my dad would whip us with his leather belt (which was 'decorated' with 2 long rows of brass grommets!!) OUCH!! For nothing more than telling our mother "Just a minute". He expected us to 'SNAP TO' when told to do something! Those beatings almost always left purple welts on our butts and legs.

    Because of that, I swore I would NEVER spank my kids...EVER!!! Well, then I had my 2nd and youngest (same kid! lol)  He was a LOT like your dd. Flop, hit, scream...etc whenever I tried to put him in time-out. He's slither right outta the chair and onto the floor EVERY SINGLE TIME I put him in it. Sending him to his room??? Wasn't happening unless I locked him in, which I could NOT bring myself to do!!

    One day I had just HAD IT with his tantrums and without thinking, I smacked his butt...Once. That's all it took.  After that, all I had to say is "Go sit in the chair or you get a spank" (Praying he would sit! lol) and whaddya know???.... He went and sat out his 5 minutes. Life was much calmer after that.

    While I am in NO way condoning spanking...maybe she just needs to know that you WILL if you need to(?).

    Ppl used to tell me "Kids that are that strong willed usually grow up to be very intelligent".  All I could think was "Yea, if my head doesn't explode before I get him raised!!" lol He is now a very intelligent, level-headed 25 year-old.

    Best of luck to you :-)

    Quoting _AshlynNicole:

    I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.

    Quoting Lindalou907:

    Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.


  • snowpeasmom
    April 7, 2013 at 2:45 AM

    Consistence, Voice of authority and CONSISTENCE, did I say CONSISTENCE.

    You get down on her level and you tell her what she is doing is wrong for xyz and if she keeps it up she will be going in to time out, I don't care that we are at the grocery store, or restaurant. I don't care that I have to put you back in time out 20 times. I don't care that a 3 minute time out turned into 45 minutes. Use the voice of authority and no matter how tired you are or where you are if the rule is broken you call her out on it. You don't time out for all offense, the minor ones you just say "CHILD NAME, that is not ok because of XYZ, if you continue to do it you will get a time out." And then FOLLOW THROUGH. If she does the action again, you get down on her level look her in the eye and say "CHILD NAME you are going to time out because you contuinede to do ABC." Take her to time out. Then after time out is over you say "Childs name you were in time out because you did ABC and that is not ok because of XYZ."

    Also, and alot of parents disagree with me but I think it is important to EXPLAIN, EXPLAIN, EXPLAIN why, why its not ok, even if you have to use words you don't think they understand the context of you explaining gives them more a sense of security that there is a reason why they shouldn't do it or should do it.

  • snowpeasmom
    April 7, 2013 at 2:52 AM

    Not true, I have had to hold my son down because he was harming himself  because he was mad. Holding him down, yes he got anger but I out willed him and he wasn't hurt. And if I would have left him alone he would have hurt himself. I sat on the floor with me hugging him from behind and my leg over his legs. He screamed and it took 10 minutes for him to give up, when he calmed down he still got his time out. The whole time he was screaming I would talk to him in a low tone, reassuring him that I loved him but what he was doing was wrong and once he stopped I would release him.

    Quoting 5PointedHuman:

    Oh my god. Do not hold a child down! This results in her feeling constricted and causes things to escalate. Walk away. When she gets out of time out, put her back without uttering a word. Repeat as many times as needed. Yes, this child is strong willed, which is why the mother and father must encourage her to be strong willed about doing the right thing.


    Quoting Lindalou907:

    I would smack her butt, but if you don't want to spank, I respect that, just hold her down. Kids need limits, she really does want to know what the rules are and what the consequenses are for breaking them. She is "strong willed" which can be very difficult, but you have to be stronger or she will get into all kinds of trouble as a teenager!



    Quoting _AshlynNicole:

    I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.

    Quoting Lindalou907:

    Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.






  • cookingmomma790
    April 7, 2013 at 2:55 AM

    take stuff way from her

    postive reward system sticker charts 


    time out corner or chair 

  • weirdkids
    April 7, 2013 at 3:06 AM

    my trick for talking back is 20 pushups. they hate them. now they think before they speak. 12yo and 11yo lol


    Quoting veganistic:

    Im reading 123 magic now and i think its fantastic. Im trying to get my mostly well behaved but mouthy and for lack of a better word, lazy, 8 year old on track. I ordered it on amazon and i totally recommend!



  • veganistic
    April 7, 2013 at 3:20 AM
    123 recommends just putting them in their room for one minute per year of age. Trying to keep them on a chair or holding them in place is playing into a power struggle and prolonging the flopping/tantrum etc. She just needs to separate from the situation and attention for a T/O to be effective. It works for my dd anyway. Attention prolongs and escalates the behaviors indefinitely, and a few minutes of separation and suddenly i have a calm and normal human child again.

    Quoting _AshlynNicole:

    I've tried and she starts hitting, kicking, and flopping around like a fish.



    Quoting Lindalou907:

    Time outs work if you are VERY consistant. Give her only 1 warning, or count to three, and if she doesn't straighten up put her in a corner or very boring time out spot for 3 minutes. You can still do it if you're out in public. If she cries, ignore it. If she gets up and walks away put her back and make her stay. She WILL learn if you do it EVERY time. And make sure all her caregivers and babysitters do too.

  • weirdkids
    April 7, 2013 at 3:25 AM

    if you dont mind my asking, what is it taht she is doing in the first place. i dont spank. i have differnt punishments for different crimes (and differnt kids) like for example when my 2yo does something he isnt supposed to do like play with the buttons on the tv ill sit him on his bed and give him the "mean" look. if hes hitting or kicking (he has sensory processing problems and doesnt realize that actually hurts other people) i tell him that he isnt being a nice boy and we dont hit. hes being mean baby. he usually gets really upset and thats how i know he understands and hes sorry. (hes mostly non verbal) for my older ones, if they leave the lights on when they leave for school, they have lost the tv for the day. talking back, is 20 push ups. cant keep their hands to themselves? time out with the warning that the next time it happens i am going to tie them to eachother by the hand and they will have to work together as a team the rest of the day for every activity. my teen... well grounding her is useless because she barely goes anywhere anyway but ill take her phone and laptop in a heartbeat. my 8yo is a little more difficult. i cant give her pushups because she enjoys them so time outs work well for her. she hates them. and honestly i caant even remember the last time i had to give her a time out. sometimes she can get mouthy with my grandmother and all i have to do is tell her to show some respect and she cools down fast. other than that for the big big stuff like stealing, i drove my oldest boy (11) to the local kiddie jail. scared the crap out of him. told him the next time he stole from someone, it wouldnt be just a tour of the parking lot. his habit stopped real fast. google has also been a big help. he used a lighter he found to light a coloring book on fire in his room. luckily thats all it was but i showed him images of what burned out houses look like and what burn victims look like. he hasnt even touched anything to do with fire since. my dd had a habit of not looking before she ran through a parking lot or across a street. i showed her what it looks like to be hit by a car. my other dd decided one day she wasnt going to listen when she was told to wait at the school for her dad and decided to walk home alone. she spent 3 hours reading articles on kids that had been abducted on their way home from school and when my oldest boy doesnt like to clean his room..... i made him watch an entire season of hoarders. his room has never been cleaner.

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts