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My 9 yr old won't stop talking back - Please help!
March 27, 2013 at 12:17 AM

New here. I am a very proud single mom to a wonderful 9 year old boy. He is a GREAT kid! Lot's of fun and personality. He's healthy, he does very well in school, and he is generally happy and almost always well behaved. Typical kid that LOVES sports and his friends. I am very blessed and grateful. He's an only child and we are very close. 

My only real problem with him is his mouth. He talks back constantly. He doesn't scream or have tantrums, and he doesn't usually say things that are disrespectful. However, I think it's disrespectful that he argues and whines when I ask him to do things. He ALWAYS has something to say and it drives me crazy!!  I rarely can ask him to do anything without it turning into a 5 or 10 minute conversation. I've tried everything I could think of. I have taken allowance away until further notice. I try not to yell, but usually end up yelling for him to be quiet. I take away TV sometimes.  But these are only short term solutions. I have told him to stop talking back a MILLION times, but even if he stops for a day or two, he goes right back to arguing. 

Should I just walk away and let him have the last word and ignore it like some 'experts' suggest? I am just afraid that if I do that, I am sending a message that it's okay to argue and talk back because Mommy will just back down. Any advice would be very appreciated. I will not smack him or hit him, so that isn't an option for me. Thanks!


  • GleekingOut
    March 27, 2013 at 12:32 AM

    ummm - have you tried ignoring him until he does as you ask. I mean; don't even answer a question until he's done what you've asked. If he wants to do something redirect him to the chore and say 'as soon as your done with the chore. Say no to everything (except his basic rights) until he does it. If he still refuses, make him stand in the corner until he's ready to do the chore..

  • teenmom0305
    March 27, 2013 at 12:35 AM

    I have started something with dd called exercising no. I tell her no  just because I can. Everytime she argues with me then in the next breath askes for something(riding her bike) I say Im exercising no, just because I can. lol

    I cant tell you if its working yet tho.

  • Pukalani79
    March 27, 2013 at 12:38 AM

     Every time my kids talk back, it's automatic jumpin jacks, or sit ups or.. you get the idea. It's actually been very effective.

  • Mooremom03
    March 27, 2013 at 12:40 AM

    I probably should ignore him, and then not let him do anything else until the chore is done as suggested. I've  that before and it does work.  It's just sooo hard to stick to because I feel like I am being disrespected when he keeps on yapping. I will try the ignore route again. I think maybe I am taking it too personally because I have a  fear that if I let it go now, he will be trying to cuss me out when he is a teenager. 

  • Mooremom03
    March 27, 2013 at 12:42 AM

    Quoting Pukalani79:

     Every time my kids talk back, it's automatic jumpin jacks, or sit ups or.. you get the idea. It's actually been very effective.

    Hmmm..I think I likeee. I never thought of that!

    Thanks for the advice everyone :)

  • emmy526
    by emmy526
    March 27, 2013 at 6:59 AM

    when my kids would start in on something we have discussed before, they got the answer of, 'we already talked about this, and the discussion is closed', and then i walk away, and if they wanted to keep arguing, they could, but not with need to lay down the expectations of him when you tell him to do something, and if he does not live up to the rules you set forth, then consequences should follow.  Tell him if he wants to argue, then it's two chores, instead of one..yes, it will be an inconvenience for you, but parenting is not an easy job.  Also if he wants to argue about a decision you've made, he can argue by himself in his room. 

  • QuirkyMom26
    March 27, 2013 at 7:26 AM

    I'm not sure if this would be effective and I'm contemplating about doing it myself because my DD's like to do the same thing your DS does. Maybe if he is refusing to do something you want him to do when asked, do the same to him when he needs you for something? (within reason of course) Maybe a dose of his own medicine to see how frustrating it is. He needs to realize that you both depend on each other in a way and he needs to cooperate. I don't know...just a thought. It's what came to mind first.

  • emmy526
    by emmy526
    March 27, 2013 at 7:35 AM

    Another idea you mite want to look into is a Big Brother or Sister for would give him much needed interaction with someone else who's opinions may differ from his, and it could be a learning experience

  • funny_girl3
    March 27, 2013 at 7:35 AM

    Yep, that's where I'm at with my 10 year old too.  When I ask him to do something he rolls his eyes so hard at me that I'm afraid they're going to fall out of his head.  He ALWAYS has a comeback, he always has to have the last word and has to make simple requests into arguments.  I don't believe in hitting kids, but sometimes it gets so bad my hand itches to slap his mouth, I guess because that's what my mom did to me.  It worked, I definitely didn't like getting hit so it cut down on the backtalk but from that point on I pretty much hated my mom, so I don't suggest that.  We take away privileges as punishment, but that doesn't seem to work and just causes more arguments and backtalk because he feels that he has been wronged.  I'm interested in what others suggest.

  • jeweldragons
    March 27, 2013 at 7:40 AM

    Make him run laps.

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