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restlessLullaby
I ask for help but I just get a dirty look or a mean comment!!
March 20, 2013 at 8:32 AM

My daughter is 11months old and high maintenence. Most nights she stays up til 3am and I am the one who is always up with her. Since the day she came home with us I can count on my fingers the times that my boyfried has changed a diaper! If I ask him to change her or hold her even just so I can go to the bathroom he argues and we get into a fight.. He works 8hrs a day and when he gets home he sleeps three or four hours so I am stuck doing homework with his kids (he has two one 6 and one 10yr old), making dinner, and taking care of the baby. I don't mind doing house work and in the 6months that we've been in our new place he hasn't cooked a meal, done laundry, dishes etc. I try to make things comfortable for everyone, but it would be nice to get a break. A big stress of mine is that my daughter has epilepsy and needs several medications twice a day, which she despises taking so it is not fun or easy to do. He has never given her the medication and says he never will because he "doesnt want her to hate him". Any simple request is seen as me nagging him. My family says, though he is older, he is immature and to move on. I've asked whole heartedly and nicely even beggeed before and still it's always "just a second" (wich means no) or he gives me a deep sigh followed by an eye roll and a rude remark. Half the time now I don't ask, but I am about to snap (again!!). I am upset, annoyed, dissapointed and to the point where I almost hate myself for staying with him. Anyway, I would like some help with getting help please any advice?

Replies

  • Hero1059
    March 21, 2013 at 12:56 PM
    Quoting Mommy2justone:


    That is your opinion and you are intitled to it but if he wanted to have kids then he needs to help WHENEVER he is home. Yes being a mom is a 24 hour job but that is why the father is in the picture, to help raise said child. I stay at home with my baby, take care of the house but when my husband comes home from his paying job, he still hrlps me cook some days, puts laundry away, feeds the baby. Daddy's are supposed to want to help take care of their children, not push if all off on mom. And your analogy is silly. How is her asking him for help with the kids and house like him asking her to do his job? Why are women expected to be able to go to work AND still come home and care for the house and kids but men aren't? That doesnt fly with me.
  • DarlaHood
    March 21, 2013 at 1:19 PM

    Honestly, you need to raise the bar.  You are "stuck" doing those things because you allow and accept it.  STOP.  Expect and require more of him, and if he truly can't engage in an adult conversation or take care of his adult responsibilities, then I think you do need to consider moving on.  You could try marriage therapy first, to see if you can get a counselor to get through to him.  If you can find a good directive male therapist, that would probably help.  He might respond better to hearing from a man what his responsibilities are as a husband and dad.  Good luck to you. 

  • jackiewal10
    March 21, 2013 at 1:26 PM

    You being unhappy and stressed over this (needlessly) isn't good for anyone.  You or your DD.  From what you've said here, it does sound like it's time to move on.  Why bother staying with someone like that, ya know.  It's not like you haven't tried.  You shouldn't have to beg him to watch his own child.  Something is very wrong with that picture.

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