Advice for Moms

mommyof20813
FML ... NEED ADVICE -- UPDATE ... SO MUCH FOR IT GETTING BETTER!!!!!
March 19, 2013 at 4:51 PM

**I posted this in the moms confessions and then found this group.. I will hopefully get more advice in here*


Am I the only one who feels like they will never get ahead in life.. I feel like im failing my boys and my husband. It never fails how much we both work we can never get caught up on bills, no matter how much I clean our apartment its right back to being a mess. I want to give up at times but I have to be positive about everything for our kids I have a 4 year old and a 2 month old.. im 23 and I really feel like my husband and I are stuck in a never ending battle with money and bills!!! does anyone have any advice for me lol or help organizing finances I suck with!!


***Update***

SOOO my husband and I need to come up with $150 before Friday .. yeah 2 days away or we lose our place because we would have to go to court. I have NO family to help I have already asked them they dont have the money. My husband is supposed to be asking his parents. We thought we had paid everthing to avoid court but nope they called last night stating if they didnt have the $150 we still have to show up to court Friday .. Im losing my mind Im working my ass off. My husband is working his ass off and we just keep gettin shit on.. no pun intended and its not gettin better its worse. How am I going to explain to my 4 year old that we have to find a new place to live. we cant stay with my family. my parents have a 4 bed room house and every room is takin and my sister is sleepin on their couch! FML i seriously give up i wana take my family and run and completely start over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Replies

  • brittany208
    March 19, 2013 at 5:00 PM

    Its hard with kids that age!! Having a newbon especially!!

    Sometimes I feel like we are barely making any headway too. We have a 3.5yo and one on the way and its very important to us that I either stay home with them, or only work a couple days a week, depending on their ages/stages. So yeah, We work our butts off to get one thing paid off, only to turn around and work on the next thing. I never feel "caught up" but we are trucking along...When my boys are in school and I'm working full time.. then we'll get caught up.

    As for keeping the house clean--teach your LOs from the time they are little to pick up after themselves. We have a "one toy out at a time" rule at our house. I know the 2mo obviously cant pick up messes--but he's not really the one making them either. The 4yo can pick up messes. He/she can also help a lot around the house. At that age, he/she may not be super helpful, but anytime spent "helping" is time not spent making a mess elsewhere. My 3.5 unloads the silverware, helps throw laundry in the washer, helps cook, helps put laundry away...

  • TalulaBelleLove
    March 19, 2013 at 5:13 PM

    I wish I could tell you something that would actually help but I'm kinda in your boat except I have more kids. I have 3 girls, 6 , 4 and 2 AND I'm pregnant with another baby that is due In October. It's hard and I know the feeling of failing and drowning. Some months aren't so bad and other times it feels like you are just ready to give up and let the Earth swallow you whole. I have to believe it's going to get better, we just have to keep trying. Giving up will only ensure that we fail. Your kids don't care about money they care about their mom. Just remember it could always be worse BUT it CAN always get better. Hang in there. Congrats on your new baby. Feel free to PM me if you ever wanna talk or vent! Hugs to you!

  • mommyof20813
    March 19, 2013 at 5:18 PM

    Thank you both! I agree there are days I want to just throw in the towel. But I know I cant give up My 4 year old seems to only want to help when its convienent for him to help, I know that hes 4 but its kinda crazy just like his daddy lol It seems like I have to tell them both 764684 times to put their dirty clothes in the hamper. or to pick up whatever they had out.

  • Zazayam
    by Zazayam
    March 19, 2013 at 9:11 PM

    It's hard with kids that age, just keep up the good work and it WILL get easier :) I'm sure you're not failing anyone, just do the best that you can and that's all that matters. You don't have to be rich to be a great mom.

    Have your 4 y/o help you pick up, it's not too early to have them help clean up after themself :) And it's much easier to teach them chores/responsibilities AS they grow, instead of just surprising them with it one day. Put things away before you get new toys out, take one day to just wreck the place and organize everything. If everything has a set place to go it's easier to keep track of and clean up at the end of the day.

    As far as money goes, I don't have any good advice, we've leveled out and while we're stable and not stressing for bills every month we're not ever really going to get anywhere else. Make sure you're not living above your means, and if you're overspending try writing out a budget (and sticking with it!) every month. You can save a lot of money if you cupon and grocery shop well, but that does take time/effort that isn't always easy to come up with.

    Keep close with your husband. Give him a quick kiss when you walk past him, hold his hand when you watch tv, stay up a little later and talk, make time for the two of you. You don't have to get a sitter, when the kids are in bed or napping or even just playing well, squeeze in a couple min's of time for him.

    I like to wake up early so I can have me time. It took a while to get used to because I am such a fan of sleeping in, but once I adjusted to it it helped so much. Even just 20 mins outside in the morning with coffee or w/e you drink, no one screaming or needing anything, just peace. It helps me stay calm all day.

    Sorry for rambling, lol

  • MamaSnaps
    March 19, 2013 at 9:19 PM

    I think at that age it's totally normal and EVERYONE is in that rat race. 

    Before we can give you any help we kind of need to know the reason behind WHY you are having so much trouble with bills. Is it because the paycheck isn't enough to cover it or is it because of money management problems? OR is it because of something catastrophic that was out of your control? 

    As for the cleaning thing-You and every other mom! LOL! When kids are really little it's so hard to keep things done on a constant basis. They aren't exactly able to wipe out the sink every time they brush their teeth and have it be 100%. They're definitely old enough to be learning at 4, but you are still the one who has to do it. You still have to wash down the tub after their showers... At 4 they aren't really so great at rinsing their dish and putting it in the dishwasher... Train them for the future now... plant the seeds. There is some relief, it's just not in close sight!

  • ali840
    by ali840
    March 19, 2013 at 9:34 PM
    I know it's hard, I was in your shoes for a long time. Husband and I overextended ourselves, then spent what seemed like FOREVER digging ourselves out of debt. If you just keep your head down and work hard, the debt will go. Just don't buy anything else you don't absolutely have to have! Also, pp is absolutely right, keep it up teaching oldest to pick up and the youngest will follow suit. It's one of the best things I did as a mom was teach my now 9 yo to pick up. Now 5yo doesn't even have to be told. Nobody ever said being a wife and mom was easy. Keep it up, you'll get there!
  • Lindalou907
    March 19, 2013 at 9:42 PM

    You should ask also in the "frugalistas" group, those women are great at figuring out how to save money! I know a huge expense for most families is groceries, don't buy or eat anything that's not on sale. Base your dinners on pasta, rice, potatoes, and then just a little meat. Eggs are cheap and full of protein, beans too. If you have a dollar store that sells produce get it there.

  • Ashley0523
    March 19, 2013 at 9:48 PM

    I'm sorry your feeling that way sweetie ! But im 24 two boys that are almost 5 and 18 months with a great husband i stay at home full time and my husband is in the air force and money is the number 1 thing we stress about !! with all the bills we have every month it gets pretty tight on money on occasion, Our grocery bill used to be over 400 dollars every two weeks until i started meal planning i write down a meal for every day write down the ingrdients that we need for that meal and it has saved us alot of money in the long run .And for the messy apartment dont worry about that stuff until they go to bed ! as a mother of boys I can pick up toys and then there all over the place again lol when they go to bed or when its relax time at night is when I start picking up the house:) I hope things get easier for you just dont put to much stress on yourself :)

  • mommyof20813
    March 20, 2013 at 11:05 AM

    Thank you everyone for the advice!! The problem with money is that is both the pay check isnt big enough and the spending too much on random things. Mostly tho the check isnt big enough by time we pay rent. and groceries and the truck payment - we only have the one vehicle and insurance we have no money and then we still have to pay electric, water,car insurance, and other odd and end bills. We try to pay half of everything the first part of the month and then the other half the secont half of the month. I get paid bi weekly and he gets paid every week so the weeks we both get paid is when we try to pay everything at once.. except we normally go grocery shopping 1 time a week since our refrigerator is small and not much storage space in an apartment. so if you have cheap meal ideas, and budgeting suggestions if some one has any ideas and needs monthly income to help pm me im willing to try anything!!

    **AND THANK YOU LADIES FOR LETTING ME NO ITS NORMAL TO STRESS AND IM NOT FAILING ANYONE**

  • ceciliam
    March 20, 2013 at 11:10 AM

    Start at home by decluttering all the unnecessary stuff. Look around your home and see what you can sell and put that money away.

    Create a spread sheet of all your bills so you can figure out where you can shave costs and also know what you need to live every month.

    Try not to be overwhelmed and just make small steps towards your goal. Good luck.

Advice for Moms