I am a married mother of two and I am tired of having no friends!
I want a best friend like I had before I had kids...someone that you call daily to talk, invite to all your events, hang out with at least once a week, and that sort of thing. However, I am afraid to try with the women I am encountering because I keep meeting people who seem really compatible with my personality except for the major difference that I have kids and they dont (and they dont want any).
I met this girl in one of my classes at college today who went to the same highschool with me, knows my brother, has the same interests as me, and is pursuing the same major. But she said she would HATE to be married and doesnt even want to imagine having children ever.
How do I go about building a friendship with these women? And is it even worth the trouble or is that a big enough difference that I should just find some other mommies to be around?
Why arent you reaching out the young or old mothers that have the same interest as you and they also have children so you can commisserate over that as well. I have been friends with alot of married women who had children before i had one but we were of like mind. I am not a partier, drinker,smoker so it was hard to find friends in my own age group.
Find people with common interests or you will be constantly disappointed. The easiest way to meet people is the park...or even better when your children are in extracurriculars. Join the PTA. Honestly...most moms don't have friends when their kids are young. But really, it won't do you any good to put energy into people not interested in kids.
Yes I think so, but it would take a special friendship, IMO. And probably one that started before one of the women involved had kids. Simply for the fact that no matter WHAT you have in common, you have so many more things NOT in common. Your lifestyles are different. The one who isn't married and doesn't have kids just doesn't understand what it's like. They have no empathy and don't "get it". It's hard. Not impossible, but definitely difficult.
Sure its possible. Having kids is only one part of your life--not your ENTIRE life (although it sure feels like it most of the time).
I think the biggest difficulty is just that unmarried moms without kids may not understand how moms cant just drop whatever they are doing and go out whenever they want. I used to go out with a very good friend who was married, but who does not yet have kids, and I was just no fun at all. She wanted to stay out til 3am dancing. I knew that I had to be up really early in the morning, so I didn't want to drink much or stay out too late.
But if you WANT to stay out til all hours... or if you both want to do something else... then absolutely. this friend and I still hang out, just not at the bars. We might go to lunch together (and she is fine with DS being there too), or we might meet up and go running on a Saturday morning (without DS). I think it depends more on if they are a nice person with common interests than if they also have kids.
Many of my friends are single, childless, and have no intention of having kids in the neat future. We get along just fine. My kids are a big part of my life, but they aren't the only thing that defines me, I have other things to talk about and to do.
If you have plenty of interests outside of marriage and kids, I think you can. If you're one of those people who considers childrearing to be the most interesting thing in the world, you'll probably have a problem.