My DD just turned 4 a few weeks ago but my pregnancy and birth are still fresh in my mind. I have absolutely nothing good to say about pregnancy or labor other than the fact you get a beautiful child out of it.
When I was 7 months pregnant I was put on bedrest because of pregnancy induced hypertension. That same night, my SO went out and cheated on me. Then he started using meth and my life was super stressful for a long time. He went to jail when I was 8 months along. We were able to work through it in time for the birth of our daughter.
I went in to be induced on a Sunday night. From the time they put that string under my cervix to help soften it, I had constant cramping. The next morning they started the pitocin. With that I had constant contractions. They wouldn't stop unless I was on medication that lasted about 45 minutes. You could just see the long ass contractions on the paper that was printing off. I cried and was sick for all of Monday. They were going to let me go home that night, but when I was checked the doctor decided to break my water instead. Monday night I demanded more medication even though I was only 4 centimeters. They gave me an intrathecal(sp?) and shortly after, my babys heart rate started dropping. They would turn off the pitocin and give me oxygen and I would feel better and the heart rate would go back up. Then they would star the pitocin and it would drop again along with the continuous contractions. All this time I had only had roughly 3 hours of sleep.
At about 6am Tuesday morning, they decided on an emergency c-section. They gave me so much medication while I was laying there that my entire body was numb and all I could feel was the very top of my head. I remember hearing her cry, seeing her for a brief second, and the next time I know, I woke up in recovery. We have pictures of her by my head but I don't remember any of it. When I came too, I didn't even remember I had a baby. All I wanted was water and jello. I couldn't move my arms. They wheeled me back to my room and plopped my baby on me and tried to get her to nurse while I was laying on my back and couldn't even hold her because I was still so numb.
I had constant visitors the next 4 days. Family, friends, hospital staff--I was so tired and didn't have time to sleep. I broke down crying and the nurses had to take my DD to the nursery. I didn't even like my child. I had no time to bond with her and I disliked her for crying so much all the time. I was in so much pain.
There are other details of my recovery that just added that much more awful to my experience. I never want to have another child because of it.
Has anyone else had an awful experience like this? I want to hear some stories so I know I'm not alone with these feelings.
I think, also, that movies play into the fantasy that we, as mothers are EXPECTED to instantly fall in love with our babies and know what to do. I'm sorry, but sometimes that just does not happen and then there is the ENORMOUS guilt heaped on because we are not glowing from motherhood.
My labor and delivery with my first son was nowhere as bad as your experience. I was 2 weeks late, was in labor for 25 hours. He got stuck because he was "sunny side up" so they prepped me for a c-section, but was able to get him out with me pushing like crazy and the use of a vaccuum. I was a bit dazed from the experience once it was over and then they had me this baby. I'm like, "Okay? Now what?"
Don't be so hard on yourself, Momma. Strangly, I went on to do the labor and delivery thing 2 more times and each time was AMAZING and actually beautiful. But, yea, the first time really sucked.
My daughter is 4 and I remember being induced. That labor actually wasn't so terrible though. I hardly cried at all. My sis in law helped me through that labor since the father wanted nothing to do with my daughter. (The pregnancy was was very heart breaking...but long story)
Anyways, with my son, it was painful. I wasn't incduced as I was already contracting two weeks early. They're weren't close together though so we didn't have to worry for about a week. Then, they started getting close. The dr gave me the option to induce but I said no because I figured he'd come on his own that night anyways...I was right...kind of. I went to the hospital that night and they wouldn't give me any medication until the slowest dr in the world got off his butt to come in a check my dialation. They finally put me in a room and I was given an epidural. They had to give me at least 5 boosters on it since I had to keep changing positions because my son thought it was more comfortable to sleep on his cord, dropping his heart rate. I literally had to go on my hands and knees for about 2 hrs waiting for him to finally be ready to come...
Sure, I'll start at the beginning lol.
I was sitting home with hubby one night, said I had a headache and passed out cold. Woke up in an ambulance on the way to the hospital, after an hour or so sitting there freaking out the doctor calmly walks up and asks me if I'm aware that I'm pregnant. Ok, dramatic start but yay.
3 weeks later I feel like I have a knife in my side, go back to the ER and it's just a large ovarian cyst, no big deal it's going to hurt but you'll be fine. Oh but you have a subchorionic hemorrhage, go home stay on bedrest until your doctor can see you. What is that? It's a hemorrhage on your placenta, might be ok, just relax and take it easy. Yeah right, ok.
See my doctor he says it's big, stay on bedrest until it goes away. Sorry your cyst hurts so bad there's nothing to be done about it, I'll see you next month good luck and come back if anything happens. Totally not comforting, and in a whole lot of pain the whole time so far.
Hubby's grandmother gets thrown out of her nursing home, she's started wandering and they can't keep her in her room anymore (She had dementia) so we're the only family. She's going to come live with us. Ok, we have no room for her so we have to move, like NOW. And I'm supposed to pull this off on bedrest and in extreme pain.
So we move, hubby's grandmother is MUCH worse off then we thought she was. She would have fits every time she seen him, so I was trying to take care of her. I don't know if you have any experience with dementia but it's basically like dealing with a fully grown and adult strength child. I had to do everything for her, bathing, cleaning up, feeding, all of it. And she was MEAN. It broke my heart because I've known her for years and this really wasn't her. So between the emotional and physical strain I was pretty down, not to mention worrying every day about this baby that's causing me so much pain and knowing that I'm way overdoing it for someone that's supposed to be on bedrest.
Couple check ups later, the hemorrage is gone, all looks well. Baby's good, cyst is feeling better and things are ok. Grandma has a stroke, I just flat out can't take care of her anymore but hospice came in to help. She passed away, we all took it very hard. We were hoping that she would at least get to meet the great-grandbaby.
This house we rushed into is horrible. The AC only works sometimes, there's a leak in one bathroom so the floor's always under an inch of water, and there's mold EVERYWHERE. It makes me sick, I get put in the hospital and back on bedrest. The landlord basically says oh well, move out. So we do, we find another place and move. It's a lot nicer but the headache and stress of moving was very nearly too much for me.
We're all settled into the new place, and the baby's doing well. I'm about 7 mo's in and pretty much over the whole thing, due date can't come soon enough. Baby's a kicker (I looked like that chick with the alien baby) and broke my two bottom ribs. Nothing to be done about that, stay laying down hopefully they'll heal straight. (One didn't, it sticks out about an inch now but I am SO not letting them re-break it so it can heal all over again)
My dog has puppies. I don't even know where she found a boyfriend and I thought she was getting fat. We weren't the slightest bit ready for puppies, yeah I know, my bad for not having her fixed. I thought we were safe, apparently she's sneaky. She has 12 of them. Big puppies. So I'm about 2 weeks shy of my due date trying to keep a litter of puppies safe clean and happy, while on bedrest, with a couple broken ribs.
All of this is on top of the extreme side of normal pregnancy stuff, heartburn, throwing up, extreeeme back pain, you name it.
False labor and trips to the hospital 3 or 4 times, crazy contractions on and off. I was 3cm dilated at 38 weeks and just stayed like that until I finally had her.
Due date comes and goes :( They set me up to be induced at 42 weeks. I was to be induced wed morning, tuesday night my water breaks. Ok cool, lets do this. No one believed me lol, it wasn't a gush just a leak. So I finally get everyone on board and I head to the hospital (alone, I figured I had plenty of time yet).
Settled into the room, steady contractions but doable. Ok I do want an epidural so go ahead and send that guy on up whenever you can. Sure, they hook me up to the fluids and all that, and tell me to sit tight.
About an hour passes, I call home and tell hubs to come back I need company, he's putting kids to bed but will be right here. I call the nurse tell her I need the epidural like now, she says she'll call the guy. They come back in like 5 mins later, have me sitting on the edge of the bed and I feel a lil pop and say I need to push. She's like haha no you're only about 4cm you're being dramatic. I argue she agrees to check me, baby's coming now.
She's screaming for a doctor, the epidural guy's in the corner white faced and trapped, I'm panicking because they're all panicking, no one's listening to me so I pushed. The doctor runs in with juuust enough time to catch the baby. Hubby shows up about 20 mins later.
So the delivery was ok, pregnancy was all around hell, labor sucked but wasn't too long. Baby was so worth it, finally got my little girl :)
by paganmommy4March 6, 2013 at 12:36 AM
I fell in love with all of my kids right away