Advice for Moms

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Roseanne10
need advice about my brain
February 19, 2013 at 1:09 PM

I am a bio mom and a step mom, my life is wonderful in every way except one.  It has been 7 years and my husbands ex makes me crazy. we have custody she only sees her son once a week and every other weekend.  She just gets to me, I can not stop thinking about her.  I want nothing good for her and now she is pregnant and the babys daddy is getting married to someone else.  My stepsons mom is going to try and take this baby away from its dad just like she tried to do to my dh. I have raised my ss since he was 2 and now he is 9 we have a great relationship but I can not stop thinking about htis mad woman and sometimes I think I am the mad woman.  I have everything I ever wanted now I need her to stay out of my brain.

Replies

  • frndlyfn
    February 19, 2013 at 1:11 PM

    Definitely need to concentrate on your life and your children.  Some people will get under our skin but that doesnt mean give them power over our happiness.

  • Roseanne10
    February 19, 2013 at 1:22 PM

    I know and I have tried I am not sure why I even think about her so much??  I am in counseling and it only seems to help a little.  What is wrong with me??

  • DarlaHood
    February 19, 2013 at 1:33 PM

    You have resentment and anger that you haven't been able to let go of.  The best thing you could do is forgive her, which doesn't mean condoning or agreeing with her behavior, and doesn't even have to involve her at all.  She doesn't need to know.  It's something you do for yourself within yourself. 

    The question is how!  Well if you're a praying person, you could start there.  It also sometimes help to know people's stories.  Even if it doesn't excuse the behavior of adults, it at least gives insight about why she may not make good decisions.  She also could have a mental disorder that affects her relationships.  Understanding that she might not be capable of making better decisions might help you let go of some of the anger and resentment.  If you can't talk with her or deal with her, volunteer at a women's shelter or another women's charity.  Or read some stories about women who have struggles and cycles of dysfunction within families.  Learning their stories might help you realize that people have problems for all kinds of different reasons, and maybe increase your gratitude that you are who you are.  Good luck!

  • Roseanne10
    February 19, 2013 at 1:37 PM

    I appreciate your advice and it does help.  I know I need to let go its just so hard. She has tried to get me fired and get my kids taken away and threatened to kill me. She has been arrested twice I just want her to lose this baby to the father just like she lost my ss to us. I just want nothing good to happen to her and I feel she should not even have a baby when she doesnt have her first one.

  • bamababe1975
    February 19, 2013 at 3:26 PM

     When you find yourself thinking about her, tell yourself that she's not allowed space in your head and you won't let her ruin your day. Force yourself to think of something positive in place of whatever you're thinking about her. Eventually, it'll get easier and easier to stay positive and not let her rule your thoughts like that.

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  • Roseanne10
    February 20, 2013 at 10:55 AM

    I try very hard not to let her in my head I just find that she is there all the time.  I feel better after I type it out and read your responses so thank you very much <3

  • ChristinaDuff
    February 20, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    Most women have an urge to destroy things out of envy. I know it is easier said than done but try not to let her get to you. Try and avoid any contact with her unless it has to do with her child. She will probably never go away only because of her son. Unfortunately when we fall in love with a man they tend to have baggage. My husband has a very unsettling ex as well and she is constantly taking him to court for more money or more something just to let us know she will always be around and always be a pest. She got into my head for a VERY long time but I have learned to live with the fact that she is a very unhappy woman and is trying to make our lives miserable because she wants what she doesn't have and can't seem to get over it. Focus on your husband and your children and just know in the back of your head she will always try to ruin a good thing. It sounds like you have your hands full and that can always be very stressful. As much as we would like to wave a wand and make them go away we can't. The day I find out how I will definitely let you in on the secret ;) all the best to you.

  • Mommy2justone
    February 20, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    I think you need to keep your focus on your family while they are in your home. And not wish ill intent on anyone else. 

  • Roseanne10
    February 20, 2013 at 11:11 AM

    Thank you for the advice, but my kids are always in my home and I do try and focus on them. I feel I am a great mother to them.  I dont want to wish ill intent on anyone but the thoughts are in my brain and its hard to push them out but I try that is why I came to this site!

  • DarlaHood
    February 20, 2013 at 10:15 PM

    I understand.  I have someone in my past whose behavior was similarly horrible.  Trust me, people like this don't create good things for themselves.  They generally blame other people for their problems, and since they never accept responsibility and everything is everyone else's fault, they tend to never change and repeat the cycles over and over.  It stinks for the other innocent people that get in her way, but her life will be a miserable mess because of who she is. 

    But the more you even pay attention to what she is doing, the more control you give her over you, and the more her poison creeps into your life.  It's not worth it.  One day your kids are going to be grown, and they are going to know who their mom is and what that really means.  And as they become parents someday, you will be the light that guides them.  And you will be the one rocking your grandbabies with the biggest smile on your face ever.  And she won't have that privilege because of the choices she has made.  Life has a way of working out that way if we can let go of bitterness.  I do know how hard it is.  I am just hoping to encourage you to be able to not let her have any power over you anymore.

    Quoting Roseanne10:

    I appreciate your advice and it does help.  I know I need to let go its just so hard. She has tried to get me fired and get my kids taken away and threatened to kill me. She has been arrested twice I just want her to lose this baby to the father just like she lost my ss to us. I just want nothing good to happen to her and I feel she should not even have a baby when she doesnt have her first one.


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