Advice for Moms

MAmomoftwo
Cannot stand the fighting anymore!
February 18, 2013 at 3:42 PM

I have five and a half year old twin boys and I am at the point where I actively dread the weekends and school vacations because all my boys do is fight.  We try to build with Legos, it's a fight.  We play Candyland, it's a fight.  I set up paper bags and we toss balls into them, it's a fight.  All I hear, all day long, "That's not fair, stop that, you can't do that."  I am at my wits end.  Seriously, I could throw up thinking about the week ahead of me.  I'm tired of having to separate them every weekend because they can't play, but I'm home alone with them on school holidays and vacations and I can't take it anymore.  Please, any tips on how to get them past this?

Replies

  • ChancesMommy07
    February 18, 2013 at 3:45 PM

    I'm the oldest of 5 and when we would fight my mom would make us sit on the couch and hug, it was horrible,lol. 


  • SoKamele
    February 18, 2013 at 3:47 PM

    lol......my parents did that too.

    My BF tied her 2 boys together for the whole weekend......they seriously could not do anything without the other...including the bathroom.....when the youngest had to stand in the corner....the oldest had to stand beside him........it was pretty hysterical from my point of view........anywhooo....no more fighting for a while.

  • Bleacheddecay
    February 18, 2013 at 7:08 PM

    Try reading this book and others like it. They may give you ideas that will help. Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

  • brittany208
    February 18, 2013 at 8:16 PM

    Me and my brothers were like that growing up. My parents never did anything about it and it never got better. My DS doesnt have a little brother yet... so no first hand experience here...

    but what i would do is take things away if they can't play nicely. Give them one warning--"either you share, or neither of you get to play with it." If they keep fighting, it gets taken away.

    Also, find as many opportunities as you can to teach them how to share. At first you might have to play with them and monitor, but then once they have the skills then they can play on their own. Maybe they really don't know the rules of how to share and take turns. If they are fighting over "what's fair" maybe they are playing by two different sets of "rules" and need YOU to set what fair really is. As in, should they take a specific number of turns, then its the others' turn? do they get a certain amount of time? is it whoever has it first gets to see it until they are done, then they other can have a turn? give them rules, teach them how to follow them, then let them regulate themselves.

  • emmy526
    by emmy526
    February 18, 2013 at 8:28 PM

    How about giving rewards for good behavior/taking away privledges until they can learn to at least get along for part of the day?   Tell them if they can't do X with out fighting, then the trip to X is cancelled or the next game is cancelled or they can go to bed early.  The goal is to get them to get along when they are together as well as foster independance in them too.  Set separate activites for the boys, and have them switch off every half hour, so they both get a turn.  Tell them if they can play nice, they'll get (whatever was picked out before) even if it's just stickers for the day...accumulate the stickers to reinforce the positive behavior, and set a bigger reward for getting a certain amount of stickers in a specific time period. 

  • SweetLuci
    February 19, 2013 at 8:41 AM

     Don't wait until they start fighting...separate them first thing in the morning. Tell them they can't be together at any time, all day. On second day tell them if they follow the rules that at lunchtime you'll let them play together for 15 minutes. Then after dinner- 30 minutes, only if they play nicely. Give them praise for getting along.

  • kali_mom
    February 19, 2013 at 10:21 AM
    I would separate them Friday evening and keep it like that until Sunday morning. I would do that for a few week weekends gradually allowing them to interact. They are smart enough at this age to understand they can work together as a team but do so with out the bickering and fighting. When they are allowed back next to each other I would have them hug for 5 mins before any play time begins. I would repeat this before lunch and dinner for at least 3-4 weeks. It will get better!
  • Mommy2justone
    February 19, 2013 at 10:23 AM

    How about different activites for each of them? 
    Play the ball bag toss with one, while the other plays with playdough. If they want to play what the other one is playing explain that they have to work as a team. If they fight, put one on the other activity. 

  • frstldyhmsch
    February 19, 2013 at 1:07 PM

    Hilarious! My mom made us do the same thing LOL! And it was horrible but after a while we were laughing. Now my sisters and I are very close and make our own kids do the same....oh, those were the days

    Quoting ChancesMommy07:

    I'm the oldest of 5 and when we would fight my mom would make us sit on the couch and hug, it was horrible,lol. 



  • la_bella_vita
    February 19, 2013 at 1:47 PM

     

    Quoting SweetLuci:

     Don't wait until they start fighting...separate them first thing in the morning. Tell them they can't be together at any time, all day. On second day tell them if they follow the rules that at lunchtime you'll let them play together for 15 minutes. Then after dinner- 30 minutes, only if they play nicely. Give them praise for getting along.

     Yup this is what I was going to suggest.

    I also plan activites for my kid's for when they say they are bored. Maybe one could play a game while the other crafts and then they could switch.

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