since we brought Christian home in october, its mostly been myself doing everything for him. feeding him, changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night with him, everything. we both work full time, and he goes to daycare full time. i ask him to help and its like i have to nag for him to hel me. we have fough tmulttiple times about it. i know he loves our son, but how do i tell him i need help without nagging him?
Just ask for help and hope for the best. Nagging will just stress the both of you out and create tension. Maybe your husband doesn't feel confident in his ability to care for the baby in the ways that you do?
Don't ask, just say "your turn!" Just say "Hey, we both work FT, and we are both this little guy's parents. We both need to do the baby stuff." Then you can start to talk about how you can take turns waking up with him, etc. My husband and I took turns waking up with our son, and we take turns bathing him. We both change diapers. You have to be a team.
And on the days where neither of you are working, leave him alone with Christian for a few hours while you run errands, etc. The more time he has alone with him, the more comfortable he will be.
My husband was very helpful but one time (I was on maternity leave) I was sooo exhausted and tired of saying "please help me" that I told him I Was going to go back to Pennsylvania for a few weeks to stay with my family and have some help.... that woke him up...he did nights a few days out of the week after my comment about going back to Pennsylvania
I would tell him he could either clean the house or take care of the baby- pick one, because I am not doing both. Or he could do half of each, which would be the better option, IMO. If he doesn't want to do any of it, then tell him it is time for you to consider WHY you are with him at all. Make him convince YOU as to why you should stay.
Don't nag, just talk to him and explain that you both do equal work and you both made this child and are this childs parents, so you need to do equal work with the baby. If you changed a lot of diapers and he didn't change any that day, if the baby needs a change, say "I did all of the others, you can do this one" and leave it at that.