HERE GOES...I ASKED FOR ADVICE ABT 6 MONTHS AGO FROM YOU AND RECIEVED TONS OF REPLIES THAT I TOTALLY APPRICIATED...SO NOW I HAVE ANOTHER DILEMA. BACK THEN I WAS VERY UNHAPPY AND TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP...SINCE THEN THINGS HAVE GOTTON SO MUCH BETTER...LIKE HE ALMOST HAS DONE A 360. BUT IN BETWEEN ALL THIS I REACHED OUT TO MY BEST FRIEND FOR HELP AND HER AND HER MOM BOUGHT ME A TICKET TO MOVE TO HAWAII...THEY BOUGHT THIS TICKET ABT 5 MONTHS AGO. I WAS HEAD STRONG ABT LEAVING AND STARTING A NEW LIFE. I'M SUPPOSE TO LEAVE NEXT MONTH AND START A NEW JOB OUT THERE. MY KIDS ARE STAYING BEHIND W/ THIER DAD UNTIL THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR...MY PLAN IS TO SAVE MY $ FOR A FEW MONTHS, GET A PLACE AND START A NEW LIFE W/ MY KIDS IN HAWAII....BUT NOW ME AND THIER FATHER ARE DOING GREAT!! IT'S WEIRD...HE IS THE MAN I ALWAYS KNEW HE COULD BE...HE UNDERSTANDS WHY I WANT TO GO TO HAWAII AND ISN'T EVEN TRYING TO DISCOURAGE ME. HE WANTS ME TO GO! HE SAID IF THINGS WORK OUT LIKE I PLAN HE WOULD LIKE TO COME OUT WITH ME & THE KIDS. WHAT A TURN AROUND IN EVENTS. NOW I'M STRUGGLING WITH LEAVING!! I'M HAVING ANXIETY ABT LEAVING MY KIDS. I'VE HAD SLEEPLESS NIGHTS...FIGHTING WITH MYSELF ABT WHAT TO DO. MY PROS #1. GETTING BACK ON MY FEET & BEING FINACIALLY INDEPENDENT (CURRENTLY SAHM) #2. HAWAII IS WHERE I WANT TO RAISE MY KIDS #3. MORAL SUPPORT FROM MY BESTIE (CURRENTLY HAVE NO FRIENDS HERE) MY CONS #1. LEAVING MY KIDS BEHIND #2. LEAVING BEHIND MY GRANDSON! I FEEL THAT EVERYONE WILL BE LOST WITHOUT ME. I COOK, CLEAN, BABYSIT MY GRANDSON...ETC. I'M TRULY FEELING GUILTY ABT THIS WHOLE THING. MY BEST FRIEND AND HER MOM ARE WILLING TO HELP ME GET ON MY FEET AND ARE EVEN ACEPTING THE FACT THAT MY KIDS FATHER MIGHT BE JOINING ME AND HAVING US BE ONE HAPPY FAMILY!!! PLEASE CAFEMOMS HELP ME!!! I NEED EVERY SINGLE ONE THAT READS THIS TO COMMENT!! I'M LOST! HELP ME FIND THE ANSWER AND HELP ME FIND ME!!!
I think you need to see a lawyer before you make any decisions. I am having trouble keeping track of whose kids are whose. I think you need to see if you would be responsible for providing flights home for the kids to see their bio dad...here, the parent who moves away pays the bills for visitiation. What job skills do you have that make you think you could support yourself in the expensive Hawaii market? I would not base a decision on him. He has a good paying job he has had for 16 years. Why would he give that up? You can find yourself any place...it does not have to be in Hawaii. I worry that you will get there and get stuck due to the economy.
I feel that every women needs to be more independent, once you are on your own feet you will automatically become the best person you can be. You need to do this not only for yourself but also for your kids. They will see what a strong, independent mother you are and they will follow your foot steps. You really have nothing to lose.
UPDATE...SO DURING THE WEEKEND I TALKED TO MY KIDS FATHER AND THIS WHOLE HAWAII MOVE...WE BOTH THINK TAKING OUR YOUNGEST W/ ME MIGHT BE THE BEST THING. MY BEST FRIEND IN HAWAII HAS DISCUSSED W/ ME THE AFTER SCHOOL DAY CARE OPTIONS I HAVE. MY MIDDLE DAUGHTER WILL STAY BEHIND AND COME W/ HER DAD TO HAWAII EITHER RIGHT AFTER BREAK OR AFTER SUMMER (SHE'S IN THE 5TH GRADE) AT HER GRANDPARENTS. HE HAS ASSURED ME THAT HE IS WANTING THE BEST FOR US ALL. HE WILL STAY HERE IN AZ AND ME OUT THERE IN HAWAII UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT TO LEAVE. I'M MISERABLE & LONELY HERE IN AZ AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. I WANT TO BE HAPPY TOO....AND I HAVE BEEN UNHAPPY FOR SO LONG. I FEEL GUILTY AT TIMES THINKING THAT I AM BEING SELFISH BUT I KNOW NOW THAT CAN'T BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH. I AM MOVING FOR A BETTER LIFE W/ MY GIRLS & FAMILY. I HAVE BEEN ON MY OWN SINCE THE AGE OF 16. MY PARENTS WEREN'T GOOD PARENTS AND THAT'S THAT! BUT I AM THE MOTHER I AM TODAY BECAUSE OF HOW I WAS RAISED. I'M NOT CONFUSED ANYMORE...I AM MOVING TO HAWAII AND THAT'S THAT. THE HISTORY I HAVE W/ THIS MAN HASN'T BEEN THE GREATEST BUT I KNOW HIS INTENTIONS WOULD NEVER BE TO HAVE ME SEPERATED FROM MY GIRLS. HE'S EVEN WILLING TO STAY HERE IN AZ UNTIL MY OLDEST DAUGHTER (NOT HIS) FINISHES HER SENIOR YEAR HERE. SHE'S A STRAIGHT A STUDENT AND SHE LOVES THE THOUGHT OF STAYING HERE TILL SENIOR YEAR. WE ALL HAVE TO MAKE SACARIFICES. I ASKED FOR OPINIONS FROM YOU LADIES AND BOY DID I GET THEM. I WILL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED ON MY PROGRESS. I AM APPRICIATE YOU LADIES TAKING THE TIME OUT OF YOUR BUSY DAYS TO READ MY STORY & TO PUT YOUR OPINIONS UP. THANK YOU THANK YOU!!