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shaik
he wouldn't consider me
by shaik
February 8, 2013 at 4:40 AM
My husband had a female friend who was his work colleague she was close to him a few weeks after we got married she used to phone him on his off days asking hw he is n hw I am I was a bit jealous but I never thought anything bad abt them being friends he used to also travel with her. When I was 8 months pregnant I started getting suspicious coz he used to come home sort of push me away and chat to her I started reading his msgs n I found that one day she was watching porn movie n telling him wats its all abt I kept that to my self thinking that if mentioned it to him he would dlt her msgs a fews days after that he told his friend 'he wants to do her' I was hurt but still kept in me I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl..
I sat him down n told him abt it he said he was joking n wen I asked him abt the porn movie he kept quiet n I insisted for an answer n he fought with me we used fight daily abt it I told him to dlt her of bbm n remove her numb. Which he did

a month later he went for training lied to me his going alone n was checking his phone n he had msgs to a another friend that she is with him he admitted he went with her but I was hurt that he lied to me we started fighting I accused him he hit me his mother n family got involved n mentioned it was a mistake getting us married n made it seem like I was at fault.
his sister gave him a choice to live separate n still support the child n he just kept quiet...his mother n sister tells me what to do all the time when to feed my child what she should wear they are like verbal reminders they tell my husband what to do and he listens to them yet he hardly listens to me I cnt trust my husband anymore n I forgave him but every time we argue I think of all these things n it works me up its eating me up inside I dnt wanna loose my husband
I'm so helpless plz help me find a way to trust him and a way to make him consider me as his wife in his life we spoke abt it so many times but that didn't work he refuses to go for counseling

Replies

  • kblossom20
    February 11, 2013 at 6:32 PM

    It's OBVIOUS he does NOT love you. He lusts after other women, he abuses you, and disrespects you. You're a piece of trash in his eyes and always will be. He will not change because you allow him to treat you this way! You need to do what's best for your baby and get out of there! Soon enough, he'll be absusing her too. That's just common sense. 

    Do you have a support system? Family or friends you can stay with while you get on your feet? You need to get a job, and get your own place. File for divorce and put his pathetic ass on child support! 

    Leaving would not make you selfish. You'd be doing what's best for you and your child's safety and well being. Leaving would make you strong, and you'd be able to provide a better life for her. Don't be one of those women who stays in an abusive relationship, it will not end well for you or your poor little girl. SMH. BE SMART and LEAVE. 

  • spotsmom
    February 12, 2013 at 12:24 AM

    I was going off the understanding that everyone read what I read...a husband that lies, is flirting/sexting with a woman he says he "wants to do," lies to his wife about being with her, lets his family walk all over her, argues instead of talking things through, and when that doesn't work (to get her to shut up), he hits her. AND he refuses couple's counseling. Reading all of that, and then reading Bmat's advice to "be sweeter and try to make yourself more appealing (paraphrasing)...well, yeah, I was pretty disgusted. It basically sounded like Bmat was saying "He's cheating on you or wanting to cheat on you and hitting you because you're not trying hard enough. If you'd make yourself more appealing, maybe he would finally start honoring your marriage and stop hitting you." Telling a victim of abuse something like made me throw up in mouth a little bit. I understand she missed the crucial part of it, so, that's a relief. 

    Quoting AM-BRAT:

    I think OP's post is a tad hard to navigate and I didn't catch that either! 

    Bmat's advice is pretty solid and with little and scrambled info I'm not sure what else she could have said.

    OP gl to you. If it really is awful and he won't TRY, then move on. I think the point that Bmat is trying to make is that you are trying too. 


    Quoting spotsmom:

    Really? Her husband lies to her, lusts after another woman, refuses to go to couples counseling, and hits her and it's HER fault? She just needs to be more positive and "happy?" Ugh. Maybe you should keep the advice to things like what to make for dinner, and which laundry detergent to use. No offense, but you suck at relationship advice.

    Quoting Bmat:

    I'm not sure why you consider her a rival, since he married you. Do you treat him well? Do you smile and make home a place he likes to come to?  If you act desperate then he may turn to someone who makes him laugh and places no demands on him. I'm not saying to be a doormat, but would you like to come home to someone who makes you unhappy?  Of course not. His sister needs to stay out of a relationship between husband and wife. Since you are so unhappy, get counseling.







  • spotsmom
    February 12, 2013 at 12:30 AM

    Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as overly harsh...OK, well, I did, but please understand that I thought you were telling a woman who is probably being cheated on and is being hit by her husband that if she would just be a little more appealing and more positive maybe he wouldn't lie to her about being with this co-worker that he "wants to do" and maybe he would stop hitting her. It was a misunderstanding. I'm completely relieved that you missed the part about the physical abuse, and I see where you're coming from, otherwise. Sorry to have hurt your feelings. 

    Quoting Bmat:

    I'm surprised that you feel my relationship advice in general is bad based on one reply, or are you saying that all or most of my relationship advice is bad.  I admit it makes me feel badly that you feel this way.  I spoke from the heart, admittedly as an outsider looking in, with only the best intentions. Have you ever seen me tell people what to have for dinner (although I'd be glad to having studied nutrition) or what laundry detergent to use (which I wouldn't, but I could refer the person to a group here that could help her in this.)  I wish shaik well, and pointed out a possible problem. I did not dismiss the guy as without fault. In an attempt to save the marriage I suggested that she seek counseling.  I have a certain amount of success with relationships and have given my opinion for a number of years now. And that's what it is, an opinion. Great. Now I feel hurt and sad.

    edited: OK, I missed about the hitting. My advice is now for her to leave immediately.

    Quoting spotsmom:

    Really? Her husband lies to her, lusts after another woman, refuses to go to couples counseling, and hits her and it's HER fault? She just needs to be more positive and "happy?" Ugh. Maybe you should keep the advice to things like what to make for dinner, and which laundry detergent to use. No offense, but you suck at relationship advice.

    Quoting Bmat:

    I'm not sure why you consider her a rival, since he married you. Do you treat him well? Do you smile and make home a place he likes to come to?  If you act desperate then he may turn to someone who makes him laugh and places no demands on him. I'm not saying to be a doormat, but would you like to come home to someone who makes you unhappy?  Of course not. His sister needs to stay out of a relationship between husband and wife. Since you are so unhappy, get counseling.






  • HolaMami
    February 13, 2013 at 12:09 PM

    I am very sorry things are not working out between you two. I don't want to alarm you more then you are already, I would do my homework to find out about any possible affair, and I believe you wrote "he hit you"?

     

  • shaik
    by shaik
    February 15, 2013 at 2:03 AM
    I understand what u ladies are saying this man is not for me and he will never change I will always be wrong in his eyes n his family who interferes are right its time for me to get on my two feet n get out of here as soon as possible he'll never change coz things get worse everyday thank u for the advices ladies

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