Advice for Moms

-PB
3 1/2 yr old potty problems
by -PB
January 30, 2013 at 9:42 AM

I'll try to make this as short as possible....I started potty training my dd a year ago.  She was trained for 3 months when I became very ill.  She started peeing her pants frequently and started refusing to go.  I backed off of the potty training for a month.  We started over again.  She was trained again for about 2 months.  Because of my chronic illness (I was diagnosed with ms) my husband and I decided it would be better if we moved closer to family so we moved halfway across the country.  She went back to peeing in her pants and refusing.  I talked to her ped and she said it was just alot going on around her and she would come around.  She did.  She goes at home all the time.

Here's where it gets tricky.  I go to school and she goes to the YMCA daycare for 2 1/2 hours a week while I am in class.  (My college has a contract with the YMCA)  She won't go while she is in their care.  She wears panties at home but I put a pull up on her when she goes to theYMCA (which I hate).  I wish I could put panties on her while she is in there care because I feel like with pull ups she is just peeing in them becasue she can but I'm pretty sure they won't appreciate that too much and they will pull me out of class when she has an accident.  They kinda of have staff turn over and they don't do anything to assist with this predicament.  She is only there 2 1/2 hours a week and I only pay them $2 an hour so I'm not sure I would expect them to honestly.  I was considering putting her in a more full time daycare in hopes that they would have less turnover with staff and be able to assist better.  I asked her why she won't go while she is there and she said because sometimes she needs help and she dosent' want to ask (those darn pull ups are so much more snug then regular panties) because she is shy and she doesn't "know those people".  What am I doing wrong?  Any ideas?

Replies

  • JTE11
    by JTE11
    January 30, 2013 at 12:27 PM

    I don't think you're doing anything wrong, actually. She is not feeling at home there and isn't comfortable or bonded with the caregivers enough to feel brave enough to ask for help. If she went to a place where she went more often (not just when you have class) and actually had time to develop a relationship with a teacher who stays (no turnover) she might relax a little and feel more comfortable asking for help. Unless you want to force the issue and send her in panties, which I wouldn't recommend since it would probably just add to her stress, I'd either try to switch her to a daycare and let hre go more often so she feels she belongs there, or just hang in there with the Pull ups for now until your class is done.

  • sabrtooth1
    January 30, 2013 at 12:39 PM
    For 2.5 hours a week, why make an issue of it? Leave her in the pullups. Btw, unless a daycare takes infants, they won't take kids who are not potty trained.
  • mommajenn4684
    January 30, 2013 at 12:43 PM
    Honestly my daughter was just like yours and she is now 5 months from being 4 and decided last week she was going to start. Its an adjustment and eventually she will get it all the time. She has to do it on her own terms. Just go with the flow and praise her good deeds :)
  • -PB
    by -PB
    January 30, 2013 at 12:46 PM

     That's another thing....I have a daycare in mind and they take children 6 weeks to 12 years old.  The toddler class is 18 to 36 months and after that is pre-k.  Would they put her in the toddler class?  I would assume so since she is not "away from home potty trained".  Would they even accept her though?  Or would they not take her because she is too old for the toddler class and not trained fully so not able to attend pre-k?

    Quoting sabrtooth1:

    For 2.5 hours a week, why make an issue of it? Leave her in the pullups. Btw, unless a daycare takes infants, they won't take kids who are not potty trained.

     

  • -PB
    by -PB
    January 30, 2013 at 12:47 PM

     Yeah, I'm afraid if I push her too much she will regress completely, especially with all she has been through. 

    Quoting JTE11:

    I don't think you're doing anything wrong, actually. She is not feeling at home there and isn't comfortable or bonded with the caregivers enough to feel brave enough to ask for help. If she went to a place where she went more often (not just when you have class) and actually had time to develop a relationship with a teacher who stays (no turnover) she might relax a little and feel more comfortable asking for help. Unless you want to force the issue and send her in panties, which I wouldn't recommend since it would probably just add to her stress, I'd either try to switch her to a daycare and let hre go more often so she feels she belongs there, or just hang in there with the Pull ups for now until your class is done.

     

  • GELiz
    by GELiz
    January 30, 2013 at 7:49 PM

    If you take her potty right before you leave, she might be able to make it until you get there to pick her up, then take her right before you leave to take her home. Then try rewarding for a dry pull up once you get home: like a sticker chart or something like that.

  • -PB
    by -PB
    January 30, 2013 at 8:44 PM

     I take her right before and right after.  Last semester my class was only 50 minutes (3 days a week) and about half of the time she would make it.  This semester my class is 1 hour 15 minutes (2 days a week) and she has peed in the pull up everyday.  The thing is even when she did make it, it wasn't because she went while she was in the daycare.  She just made it because she didn't have to go the 50 minutes that she was there.  I remind her every day that if she goes to the bathroom while I am in class she will get 2 M&M's and a sticker but still a no go.  I actually keep M&M's and stickers in my backpack.  She says "Mom, I don't go potty when you are at class.  I don't like to.  I need help.  I'll just go when we get home."  :-(

    Quoting GELiz:

    If you take her potty right before you leave, she might be able to make it until you get there to pick her up, then take her right before you leave to take her home. Then try rewarding for a dry pull up once you get home: like a sticker chart or something like that.

     

  • DonnaPinitonya
    January 31, 2013 at 12:54 AM

    For as little as she is there I think it's all fine. You and your hubs seem to have done great. This is alot for her and I think moving her to a different daycare would mess her up again. Let it ride on this one. Maybe more hours there but if it's different staff all the time than let your sched. stay how it is and she will work this one out on her own. Just stay supportive. 

Advice for Moms