Advice for Moms

emmalee3
I am heart broken :(
January 22, 2013 at 11:03 PM

 My daughter (3 1/2) just told me I love her brother (2 months) more than her...I feel awful. I try so hard to give my full attention to them both, but apparentley I'm not doing a very good job. She said "you love him more than me!" & broke down crying. I, myself had to fight back tears after hearing that. & she just went on about me loving him more. Has anyone been through this with their children? My daughter LOVES her brother sooo much. She is always talking and kissing him, always trying to hold him and help with him. Help!! Will this ever get better or is it just something that is apart of siblings?

Replies

  • SouthTxPrincess
    January 22, 2013 at 11:09 PM
    Aw mama I'm sure it will get better. My dd just turned three and the baby is 16 mths so she wasn't old enough to tell me stuff like that. but she would tell me not to hold her sister to hold her, would climb in my lap then cry when I would put her down to feed/change the baby. Now that they are older it has gotten better. Im sure once yall get into a routine it will get better maybe read her a extra story or maybe daddy can care for the baby while yall go get ice cream?
  • amanda81919
    January 23, 2013 at 9:52 AM
    That's normal. My kids are 17 months apart. And my son said that before. But I explained that she needed more help right now. And tthat he could help too. He got over it eventually.
  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    January 23, 2013 at 9:55 AM

    Kids say things they do not really mean.  Wait till they are teenagers???  I would do things with her while her brother sleeps.  You can also feed the baby while you read to her etc.  Sometimes no matter what you do, they feel slighted.  My oldest always did and she is 21 and still feels slighted at times even though I paid even more attention to her always. 

  • H79fordgirl
    January 23, 2013 at 12:21 PM
    My dd has not said this. She's 6, the baby is 15 mo. However keep in mind that kids do sometimes say things and then they get a big reaction so keep saying it. I'd sit her down when the baby is asleep and explain that you love them both equally and right now the baby just needs more attention and that she was the same way when she was little. Remind her that the baby will soon be big enough to play w her and then maybe make it a point to take her out alone for a special day once a month.
  • macbudsmom
    January 23, 2013 at 12:30 PM

    Thats pretty typical.  Find a sitter and take her for a treat or something, or even just spend time doing a fun craft together.  Just something uniterrupted by baby needs.

  • Perfect.Pixie
    January 23, 2013 at 12:31 PM
    It is normal! My kids do that to me all the time and yes each time I feel guilty.
  • AmyL3469
    January 23, 2013 at 12:42 PM

    It is hard. My daughter was 15 months old when my 2nd was born and I knew I had to balance. We never had an issue, even still we don't. They're almost 4 and 2 1/2 now. I'm pregnant again and I know it'll be harder with 3 to balance it all, but I think this is one thing we've done right with the kids if nothing else. I don't want them feeling horrible. It is very hard with newborns though because they NEED so much attention and the little ones don't quite understand that.

  • LoreleiSieja
    January 23, 2013 at 1:00 PM

    This is not an uncommon response from children regarding their siblings!  Nearly all of them will try it from time to time.  Try NOT to get overly upset next time, and cry, because while she might have been sincere this time, she may be manipulative if she says it again.

    When she makes these types of comments, be calm and loving.  Put aside what you're doing, if you can, and draw her onto your lap.  Explain that you love them BOTH!  Talk about how when she was a baby, you changed her diapers, and tucked her in bed, and read to her, and gave her bottles (or nursed her) just like you are now doing for her brother.  Show her photographs of you and her when she was little.  Sharing photographs is a great activity! It will help her remember happy events from her past, and learn to understand about past, present, and future, and she will enjoy the moments on your lap with the photo albums.  

    Also, talk to her about all the things she can do with you NOW that her baby brother cannot do.  She might have a later bedtime, or perhaps she only takes one nap while he takes two.  She gets to play candyland with you - but he's too little!  She can play in the sandbox, or do fingerpainting, but he can't yet.  talk about how great it is to be a big sister!

    Of course, you need to spend time one-on-one with both children - but don't neglect your "me" time, either.  You need time alone, so you don't become a weeping, soggy mess when your kids seem to be pulling your strings.  

    You can nip the sibling rivalry in the bud.  It doesn't have to define your family.  Never compare children.  Never make comments about how one was potty trained at 2, but the other wasn't potty trained until 3, or one walked before the other, etc.  Just stress how unique and wonderful they both are.

  • mamakin616
    January 23, 2013 at 1:01 PM

    Just keep letting her know how much you love her, some kids get a little jealous when a new baby comes into the home ,especially if they were the only child for a long time,they sometimes feel that the new baby is taking their place,and they don't know how to express it so it comes out that you love the baby more.Keep letting her know how and why she is special,talk about when she was a baby,remind her how lucky the baby is to have such a wonderful big sister,and how lucky you are to have such a beautiful daughter ,,,let her help with the baby, getting you a diaper or holding his hand to occupy him during changes,picking out his out-fits ...Make her feel like she is a big part of  the family and that she is needed .After awhile it will subside. Try to hold her and s[end some time with just the two of you and do something special .I hope this helps ,I know when your little ones are hurting ..your heart breaks...mine always did.Just keep on letting her know how special and how loved she is by all of you.

  • PISCIS29
    January 23, 2013 at 1:05 PM
    Aww I'm so sorry you feel like that. But don't. It's normal. My dd is 5 and my ds is 1. The first time she said this to me she was four and he was about 7 months I held her tight and told her I loved her with all mt heart and would never stopping her. I also assured her that I loved the three of them equally. Since then we have a girls fat where her and I go shopping or just do our hair or something together.

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