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mamisjourney
Man on the Couch
January 19, 2013 at 10:27 PM

So there is a guy in my life. His life sucks. No lie, his life just went down the toilet. He has a new baby boy who is 3 months old and his BM will not let him see him. He fights with his BM but he she is his first love, and she is a major BITCH. He has no job, no car, no friends, nothing but a bag of clothing. He is a recovering drug addict and he has no place to live. This man is my DH's Best friend since childhood.

So this man has no where to go and been staying at our house for about a week now. Since he has been here he has not been doing drugs and he's just really sad. He has helped a lot he has cleaned my entire house and been pretty much pulling his weight about here helping me out with things. Actually my week has pretty much been watching movies, and playing with my baby.

I however, miss having my home. I feel bad for the guy, but don't want anyone moving in. He doesn't look like he is at all motivated to find somewhere else to go. I want my house back and I feel like an awful woman saying it because this guy has just a shitty life and he seems like he is trying to clean himself up.

I have 3 children and a newborn baby with Down Syndrome in my house and now I have their tio sleeping on the couch. There is no straight answer from my DH as to how long he will be there.

What should I do? I don't want this man living on the streets when the weather is freezing, and I don't want him going back to drugs. But I also want my family and our privacy back. I mean I like having time with just my family and not have company constantly. What should I do?

Replies

  • emmy526
    by emmy526
    January 19, 2013 at 10:44 PM

    you make a plan wihth your husband as to what to expect, how long he's there for, chores, goals for the guy, and things like that...wrtie the plan down, and have friend abide by the plan.  Make sure a deadline is in plans for the aactions to have taken place

  • Dqnana
    by Dqnana
    January 19, 2013 at 10:50 PM

    Treat this guy the way you would want someone to treat your child if they ever foundthemselves down on their luck. You have a chance to make a difference for this guy. He sounds like he is really trying hard not to be irritating ... and all he has to give right now is help around your house.  Please be patient and stick it out a bit longer.  If he starts to be a slacker and abuses the generosity you are showing him, then you can rethink the situation.  You may be one of the things that turns him around.  

  • mamisjourney
    January 19, 2013 at 11:04 PM

    yes that is another thing, he been asking me a lot for advice and talking to me more than he ever has before because I have never liked him. My DH has his past but he has grown up and doing good for himself. I always feel he's gunna bring him down. But I'm starting to like him. Just miss my couch...feel bad saying that

  • stargazerwolf
    January 19, 2013 at 11:04 PM

    I know how you feel for the most part. My boyfriend's best friend split from his wife, he also had his brother living with him, but when him and his wife split he is the one that left so she could keep the house and keep the 3 kids there. My boyfriend's friend and the friend's brother slept in our living room for about a month, one on the couch the other on the floor. I felt bad but hated it! Our baby was only a few months old and I have a 4 year old, and I hated getting up in the morning to get the kids ready for daycare (I was still working then) and having them take up the living room. I had to get then ready in their room, even feed the baby in there and I just got tired of them being there when I wanted time just the family.

    They helped out a little bit here and there, but I kept asking my boyfriend if they were looking for a place. It did end up being a month they stayed, but I was relieved when they were gone, by the way we live in just a 2 bedroom apartment, not big enough for all these people!

    I agree with the first reply, try to write up a plan to get him out, like him looking for a job, helping prep for it, etc. Also in some towns there are shelters for recovering drug addicts and he can look into that, they might even provide a counseler to help him stay drug free and get working and a life together. If he gets all of this going then maybe he can take the BM to court for visitation at least. Your husband needs to try to help get him motivated because he is his friend, I also agree with setting a timeline (I actually said that my boyfriends friends had to be out in a month and they did without me actually telling them the deadline).

    Hope things can get situated.

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