Advice for Moms
okay so i need some advice!
My partner is terrible when it comes to gifts. I love him dearly, but it kinda makes me very upset! I love holidays and birthdays and i feel when that time comes people should go all out.
For my birthday he just took me out to eat which was ok but i kinda expected more. For Christmas i got him 2 very large expensive canvases because he is a painter, a wii and an xbox game, and a star wars coffee cup. what did he get me? a $10 i tunes card... ok, think im over reacting? For our last anniversary i painted something beautiful that took a week and gave him a nice card, what did he get me? oh! thats right, he didnt get me anything...
His birthday and valentines day is around the corner and im still upset about all the other stuff. I always go out for him but now im thinking whats the point! He might not even remember to get me anything.
So what should i do? should i stop going all out? I dont wanna hurt his feelings by telling him this because he is very sensitive. Does anyone else have this problem?
Replies
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I would sit down and talk with him. Come to a decision you are both happy with about exchanging gifts with each other. Let him know how important it is to you.
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Read the five love languages by Dr Gary Chapman. In it, he explains how people show love in different ways and how if you're the kind of person who shows love by giving gifts, you're going to be disappointed by someone who shows love in different ways. He may show his love for you by doing things around the house or by handing over his paycheck at the end of the week. He might be someone who doesn't appreciate the big expensive gifts but really appreciates a hand-knitted scarf or sweater. You just need to find how he expresses his love for you, do that for him and explain what you would like. I'm married to a man who is like that too. He never got more than a coffee cup from the dollar store from his ex or kids and when I came around, I showered him with gifts. He didn't know what to make of it! In turn, he got me a drying rack for my sweaters so I didn't have to lay them around the house. WT...??? It took me a while and finding this book to understand how he shows his love is different than how I show my love.
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Talk to him maybe hes just cheap hugs -
I never looked at it like that? That sounds so intresting i have to read that book now! Maybe ill also sit down with him and exspess how i feel. I just never thought of it like that, because now that i think about it his exes never gave 2 craps about whether he got a gift or not. hmmm.... something to think on! :) thanks!
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yea, he is kinda cheap, but he could still go get a couple of items from the dollar store and that would makes me happy. Im the kinda girl who loves cheesy stuff so it shouldnt be that hard.
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He won't know unless you tell him how you feel. -
I go as all out for dh as money allows for. The best gift he can give me is the smile on his face. I know he's bad at gift giving and I accept him for who he is. -
I don't get why gifts are such a big deal. Why are you feeling the need to "go all out" on gifts for him? Do you feel like it'll make him happier or something? My husband & I rarely gift for each other because there's no need to. All we want from each other is love & respect. -
My hubby and I would make it a little competition-- who could get the other a "perfect" gift? Establishing that would alert him to the fact that you expect something. Or you could agree to go out (dinner, dance lesson, horseback riding, whatever) and then neither of you is shelling out more than the other.
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I think you should stop worrying about materialistic things like that and just be happy you have HIM and he remembered your birthday/Christmas. Just because YOU get someone something that you think is nice, doesn't mean you should expect anything from anyone else.
I think you need to take a step back and be thankful you have someone to share your celebrations with.