Advice for Moms

buttersworth
Preschool Bully, Best Friend's Kid, what to do?????
January 4, 2013 at 9:05 AM

I'm sympathetic to my friend having trouble potty training her son but I don't really appreciate her last tactic although it worked (for her). She told her son if he did not use the potty she would give his toys to my son!

She told me in an almost an apologetic way while giving me unsolicited assurances that this would not affect their friendship. I wasn't so sure but didn't say anything at the time.

Yesterday my two boys had a playdate at her house. My younger son picked up a toy and her son immediately grabbed it out of his hands in a rough way, then continued to play with my other son. Her son did this all throughout the playdate, plus pushed my younger son several times. (Her son is over 3, my sons are almost 3 and almost 2 - it's my 2 yr old he's pushy with).

When his mom saw him she corrected him but there were times she didn't see, that I saw. I would say things like "Oh, honey, that isn't nice" because I don't want to admonish someone else's kid - but I had to because this happened when she was out of the room at times.

My friend is really nice. I've known her for about 10 years. Her daughter is very mild and well behaved. She reprimands her son's roughness, but she doesn't see it all while she's talking to me, and also, she thinks he just doesn't know not to be too rough with a younger boy. BUT, her son doesn't act like this with my older son that is closer to his age - doesn't try rough-housing with him. It looks to me suspiciously just kinda bratty.

To my eyes, he is being a bully and this is difficult because essentially I'm sure he's a good boy, but I can see it's hurting my younger son's feelings. He doesn't even get excited to go to his house like my older son. In fact, over the summer my younger son fell and got a bloody nose from it, and I wasn't sure from my vantage point if that was just an accident or if her son nearby had pushed him.

I'm not sure if I should say anything, just watch out while I'm there, avoid playdates, or what. I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings but sons are more important. I think her tactic - if it didn't create this situation- exacerbated it.

I'm close to the mother and they are already anticipating coming to the boys birthday party next month. My boys birthdays are so close I'm havng a combined party and all I can think is, gee, my poor younger son is going to have this bratty kid bothering him at his own birthday! THat is, unless he behaves differently wth more people around.

Should I tell her in some nice quiet way that I think her son resents mine because she told him she'd give him his toys if he didn't use the potty? What would you do?

 

Replies

  • littleangie
    January 6, 2013 at 10:47 AM

    Maybe it is just me, I would tell her how I feel and what you see.  If you have been friends for that long, you should be comfortable in communicating the good and the bad. 

  • fullxbusymom
    January 11, 2013 at 10:36 AM

    #1 a 3yr old can't be a bully they don't even understand the concept behind it.  Also he isn't rough with your son because she said she would give his toys away.  Honestly you are reading way to much into it. 

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