Advice for Moms

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I don't want to resent my kids
January 3, 2013 at 12:49 AM
Ok, so I am new at this. I recently remarried and had a 3rd child because this was my husbands first kid. I have 2 other kids from my previous marriage to my high school sweetheart. I have always been a career women and was self employed by the age of 22. I was probably the most confident in myself At that time for those accomplishments. After I remarried, I moved away from my business and my family to a new little town where your not really accepted as a newbie in town. I am a stay at home mom for the first time ever and I am more than overwhelmed with an 11 yr old boy, 7yr old girl, and a very active 2 yr old girl. My self worth flew out the window a while back and I am really fearful that I am beginning to resent having my youngest. I'm sure it has to do with all the changes in my life (marriage, unemployed, new environment) which were choices of my own will. All of the above has also caused a lot of strain on a new marriage, because i never seem to find myself happy these days. There is not a mother's day out program, or anything in my area, and making new friends with a little one who is into everything, and keeps my anxiety raging is really difficult especially when the other person has older more self efficient children. My guilt comes from those who can only wish to stay at home, like I once used to, but now I am sitting here whining about it. I need a hobby and I need out of this house. Please tell me I'm not!


  • Aishamusty
    January 9, 2013 at 3:56 PM


    Quoting Roo1234:

    You can make the choice of who you want to be and how you want to see the world.

    If there isn't a mother's day our program, why not start one?  

    If you are the go getting you profess to be, you know how to change things, how to start things, so take the bull by the horns and make the world around you better.

  • susanmichelle25
    January 10, 2013 at 7:48 PM

    I understand the tiny town syndrom. I would say buy a jogging stroller to get out to walk, maybe a hiking pack if you can still carry your 2 year old on your back. I don't know if your town has a small library but their story time. Southern small towns can be tough with the clicks. I know because I grew up moving from many to many of them, blink and you would miss them. I always think of the lifetimers as Mean Girls in grown up form. That is where I started liking the out doors. Things like walking in the woods etc. Maybe take her out on those. I do know that you don't have to be the source of entertainment for your children at all times. Try your best to have them have times where they play by themselves and maybe start an online business. I am not saying anything fancy but something small. Just something to give you a boost to your pride.

  • stargazerwolf
    January 10, 2013 at 8:59 PM

    I know how you feel. I don't have a lot of friends here, moved here 2 years ago to make a life for myself and my daughter after my divorce. I started out working a low paying job to work up to being what I wanted to be, went from just bathing dogs to becoming a full fledged pet groomer. I got pregnant unexpectedly, I really wanted to stay home with her and my 4 year old. Me and my boyfriend live together and he has a great paying job. I had changed employers but still was grooming (I loved grooming) but I was doing mobile grooming which wasn't as great and as winter came I wasn't making as much, literally just a little bit over daycare for 2 kids, especially with one being an infant. I finally got my desire of staying home with them after a good discussion with my boyfriend.

    It was the begining of Nov. when I started staying home and sometimes I find myself getting depressed because sometimes I feel like no matter what kind of day I had, I don't have a reason to be tired. Sometimes my house work slacks because I just have no motivation and then I feel bad because my boyfriend can't stand even one dish in the sink and he goes and puts the dishes in the dishwasher. Other days I have a lot of motivation and get a lot done.

    I honestly avoid mom groups and things like that simply because I don't want to have to haul the kids around. I have a 4 year old and 8 month old. It's cold and we are finally having all our huge amount of snow melting (it actually rained today). The nicer days I don't mind it so much but having to bundle up kids, drive over ice and snow, carry around my 8 month old etc, I just hate the hassle of it all. When its cold I also can't take my 4 year old to the park because I don't want my 8 month old out for very long no matter how bundled her face can get cold quick. Going to friends houses (the ones I do have) I rarely do because of having to haul the kids and either hold my 8 month old constantly or constantly keep her out of things.

    I love my kids to death and I don't resent them at all, I do enjoy my time with them but sometimes when they both needs something or my 4 year old is all hyper and won't leave her sister alone it is stressful. Sometimes I am trying to cook, clean up after myself and make sure both kids are entertained so I actually can do something. My 8 month old is seriously into everything now, crawling, pulling up on things, furniture cruising and seriously already getting close to walking!

    Lately I have been working a lot on trying to keep things extra clean, make baby food for our 8 month old (Baby Bullet!) instead of buying it. I also try to make sure I cook enough dinner so my boyfriend has leftovers to take to work for lunches. He works overnights so he is asleep part of the day. We don't get a lot of time together alone, but most thursdays his parents take the kids for a few hours. I only get me time if I stay up late, but it is nice.

    Between the regular household duties and making baby food to freeze and some for the next few days use, I also try to find time to draw and paint, haven't had the time lately but I love drawing and painting. I also am trying to get things going for grooming out of our apartment and making and selling hemp jewelry (I also advertise to do drawings for other people), so far I've had one grooming customer and sold nothing else. I have also tried to get back into the writing I used to do, I can also make money doing that but really haven't in a long time. I try to be me, do things I love to do, but it is hard to find the time.

    My boyfriend very occasionally goes out with the guys on a friday or has a "sibling" night with his 4 siblings, but I think I've gone out twice in the last year simply because I don't have a lot of friends and have no family around here. It also seems like every time I try to plan something with friends it always fails. I am working on setting up a couple play dates, but I really want to do more kid-free things, ya know? It seems like when ever I hang with a friend its always with kids, I do have a lot of friends with kids, but I miss going out dancing a bit...I just wish I had a best friend here in town to go dancing even once a month. If I ever could find someone to go out with then my boyfriend would be more than willing to watch the kids, he thinks I do need to go have girls nights.

    All in all, you have to find hobbies, you have to find some way to get alone time for yourself and for you and hubby, you just have to for yourself. I feel somewhat worthless because I hate having a boyfriend support us all even though we've been together over a year and we have our 8 month old together and its to save on daycare, I just want to find some way to make money. I feel like I have so much I can do but so far barely made anything :( Sorry this was so long, I just want you to know there are lots of us out there. I will go back to work in the fall with my 4 almost 5 year old starts school, if I can't get my grooming from home or something else going to make money.

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