Advice for Moms

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I don't want to resent my kids
January 3, 2013 at 12:49 AM
Ok, so I am new at this. I recently remarried and had a 3rd child because this was my husbands first kid. I have 2 other kids from my previous marriage to my high school sweetheart. I have always been a career women and was self employed by the age of 22. I was probably the most confident in myself At that time for those accomplishments. After I remarried, I moved away from my business and my family to a new little town where your not really accepted as a newbie in town. I am a stay at home mom for the first time ever and I am more than overwhelmed with an 11 yr old boy, 7yr old girl, and a very active 2 yr old girl. My self worth flew out the window a while back and I am really fearful that I am beginning to resent having my youngest. I'm sure it has to do with all the changes in my life (marriage, unemployed, new environment) which were choices of my own will. All of the above has also caused a lot of strain on a new marriage, because i never seem to find myself happy these days. There is not a mother's day out program, or anything in my area, and making new friends with a little one who is into everything, and keeps my anxiety raging is really difficult especially when the other person has older more self efficient children. My guilt comes from those who can only wish to stay at home, like I once used to, but now I am sitting here whining about it. I need a hobby and I need out of this house. Please tell me I'm not!


  • yowza
    by yowza
    January 6, 2013 at 9:37 PM

    Being a full time mother is more difficult than working. It is unfortunate that many in society do not value Stay-at-Home Mothers when they are THE most important figure (besides a father) in society. Mothers have THE most influence in society by raising decent children that can be self sufficient and give back to society. Without the role of a Mother, soecity wouldn't have a chance.

    Examples can be studied from our prison systems. Just about every story of a prisioner's background and childhood has to do with their lives without proper parenting and upbringing.  Mothers should be hailed and appreciated more. Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Maybe he can help by expressing his appreciation to you about the job you are doing.

    Next, I think another fault society has us believing is that: "We have to keep up with the Jones'."  This means that we have to compare ourselves to others when in fact, we don't. Everyone has their trials and challenges...even the ones that we may consider that they have the "perfect" life. We can't always see the struggles they have because we are not them. I'd like to purpose another question to you instead. "What has those with a "perfect life" had to give up to get where they are or what they have? Sometimes the appearence is all they have and they are not really happy.

    You could start a graditude journal and write down the things you're grateful for especially when it has to do with your children and being a Stay-at-home Mother. When we reflect upon what we do have instead of what we don't, then we are happier.

    A wise man once said, "Whether the cup is half full or half empty it doesn't matter. Just be glad you have a cup." We that live in this country have so much to be grateful for even if we are poor and unemployed. Believe me I've been there!!! But we have so much even in the most poorest conditions.

    I'm grateful I have a roof over my head. Food in my mouth. Flooring instead of dirt. Even poor, I can go to the Doctor and get medical help. I have schools to send my children to, etc.

    Also, if you're feeling a lack of connection in the community, why not volunteer at something you are good at.....if you can. You'll feel great and you will feel more connected with those around you.....fulfulling a void. You'll be a lot happier if you serve others instead of worrying about yourself.

    Good luck!!!

  • beauswife
    January 6, 2013 at 10:11 PM

    You are not crazy! I quit my job and moved with my husband hours away to be closer to his family. Since we moved, we have had two more children. That is a total of four, 7, 4, 3, and 18 mths. I still cannot work b/c I will not be able to afford childcare! I am very seldom happy,,,,,, trying to keep housework caught up, healthy meals ready all day, and running after these kids. Panick attacks are my fear also! 

  • lovemyboys0812
    January 6, 2013 at 10:22 PM
    Nope not at all in fact I kno how u feel im in the same boat email sometimes I feel crazy for feeling the same way I have a 4 yr old and a 6 month old .. Anywho if u want to chat

  • muzicbox9
    January 6, 2013 at 11:39 PM

    You're not crazy!  I'm a stay of home mom of three children who are four and under.  I didn't start having children until I was 33 - I was a career woman too.

    It's difficult, but I had to ask myself, "which lifestyle would leave me with the least amount of regrets?"  I knew that if I went to work everyday, leaving my children in the care of someone who will never have the same emotional investment in them as I, their mother, that I would regret it later in life.

    This time will not last forever, and when you look back, you will not regret one minute that you invested in your children.

    Just know that you being home with your children means more to them than you know.  You can do it! 

    I can do it!  We all can do it!  There's plenty of time for personal pursuits later in life. Pour into your kids now and you'll harvest the rich benefits later.

  • mama0106
    January 6, 2013 at 11:48 PM
    I feel u I just became a stay home mom as well ,my husband and I decided its cheaper to care for our kids then pay someone to do it while I work,it's nice to be a stay home mom,but at times I feel like I'm not doing enough(money wise)but I love being able to see my kids get on and off the bus and go to school concerts holiday party etc....there are so many more pos the cons on being a stay home mom,yes u may not be able to buy everything u see now ,but u get to spend more precious moments with u kids they grow up so fast enjoy those moments u have ,one other thing join a gym that has daycare while u workout ,that way u get u time and the lil one gets fun time.working out helps with stress,and while the lil one naps make u a cup of warm green tea and just sit and relax,no tv,jus u and ur thoughts( goodones)I hope this helps
  • Bookwormy
    January 7, 2013 at 12:18 AM

    Check out to look for MOMS clubs or other playgroup meetups.  Libraries & bookstores are great.  Ys &/or Js are great.

    Honestly, going back to work might be OK for you & your family too.

    Good Luck!

  • Mrs_Wilson_gast
    January 7, 2013 at 7:09 AM
    I am a career women and about to have my first. You are not alone. Nor are you crazy. I have seen my friends become stay at home moms and it is more of a full time job than your company might have been. I am terrified of the prospect of being at home with a child 24/7. This doesn't make me a bad mom it only means I know myself and know that as a career woman we need it all otherwise we fixate and go nuts. We need diversity in our role and where motherhood is beautiful our child needs more than mom they need a role model.
  • CalicoMeezer
    January 7, 2013 at 7:44 AM
    Honey, I understand how small-town Texas can be. It's a great state to live in but small towns…yuck. I'm in East Texas, and I grew up here and still sometimes feel out-of-place.

    There's a lot of good advice here Momma. Take it. :) <3

    Quoting Mommaofthree722:

    Thanks ladies :) I will look and see what I can come up with. I live in a town of about 500 with surrounding towns of the same population here in the great state of Texas. The bigger areas are all about an hour away. You ladies have given me some great ideas and maybe the push I needed that my head was too clouded to see. Thank you

  • Mommaofthree722
    January 7, 2013 at 9:00 AM

    I am in East Texas also :)

  • Mommaofthree722
    January 7, 2013 at 9:50 AM

    I had no idea my post would bring such great feedback from all of you. I hesitated on posting because I didn't want to be judged and none of you have done that, So Thank You for that!!  I am greatful to see it it could be helping others out there too.

    I am a hairstylist by trade. I worked independently in the Houston area for 12 years.I was actually the breadwinner in my first marriage and my 1st husband was a sahd the last 2 yrs we were married. That didn't work out so well, which explains why Im no longer married to him. Where I am searching out in a Mom's group, he was searching out in personal ads. (ouch)

     I moved to East Texas after meeting my current husband where money doesn't come as easy, and people can't pay you much. We have tossed around the ideas of opening a shop for me, which is still not off the list yet. But maybe when the youngest is in school. I would have to settle for about 80% less pay and can't make sense of that physically or on paper which is why that hasn't been done yet. I do have a little internet business I do on the side that brings me some income so I don't feel completely dependent, which has helped a lot!! However, Lord forbid If I have to work once the husband is home. He likes that I do it but does not like it interferring with family time...and sometimes its required. I did join a church for a while and yes, that did help. Until my husband, who was not interested in going, started getting aggrevated that I was going to every service (wed night, and sun mornings/evenings) When his first question to me was, "What does this mean for US?" I was quite confussed. He was afraid I was going to change, I guess??? And did not like that I was not home when he was. That mixed with not being 100% comfortable in the church teachings, I stopped going. There are no daycares here (not recommended anyway) and no rec centers to my knowledge, but I will keep searching. There is a great little preschool that won't accept the youngest until she's 4, so we are half way there. I am very fortunate to have a  mother n law who is able to help me out and for that I am forever greatful. Yes, more one on one outtings with the husband is a if we could just convince him of  

    I am still new to this site and haven't quite figured it out yet so If any of you need to talk you can private message me here. I don't wish this feeling on anyone, but It is a relief to know there are so many who can relate. Thank you all!

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