Advice for Moms

sasfk00
To work or not to work?
by sasfk00
December 12, 2012 at 9:55 AM

 

Hi there! I am currently a full time working mother of two young boys. I often struggle with the guilt of leaving them and not spending enough time with them as I know most working mothers do. but lately ive been thinking thats its not worth it and im missing them grow up im considering trying to work from home, maybe a in home childcare or something else? Has anyone made the decision to quit their job and stay at home? how did it work out or was it better for your family?

Replies

  • ferne3
    by ferne3
    December 12, 2012 at 10:16 AM

    I can't give you the after view, but I went through the same thought recently and in a few months when #2 is born I will be a SAHM.  Don't get me wrong I LOVE my kid (soon to be kids) fiercely, but now my DD is 2, she is so cool and fun and it pains me to send her off to daycare anymore.  It won't be easy, I have worked hard to advance my career and make more than enough to cover daycare (in fact I am the breadwinner) but my husband makes a good salary too.  We are going to make some lifestyle changes, and I have found amazing ways to live with less, but we decided this worked best for our family.  We already have started living on just his salary so the transition will be easier and are putting my funds in a 'safety' fund in case he loses his job or another catastrophe occurs.  I plan on SAH until the little ones start school, but we talked about it and if it proves to be something that doesn't work for us, I can always go back to work.  Doing what I do, finding a part time job would be difficult.  My only advice is do what you think is best for you and your family.  My daughter loves daycare and I don't regret keeping her in one, it worked for us at the time and I think there are definate benefits.  Some SAHMs are appalled anyone wouldn't SAH.  I know mommies who couldn't wait to get back to work.  Just like everything else as a momma - do what works for you and you think is best for your kiddos.  A former SAHM (she just went back to work once her kids started school) told me that at least trying the SAH thing was worth it.  You can't go back in time and make the kids younger to try SAH, but you can always decide to go back to work.  I am not saying re-entering the workforce is easy, but it is easier than trying to make your kids little and getting that time back.  She was lucky and our company re-hired her almost as soon as she notified them she'd be available, so she doesn't regret her decision one bit.  

  • GOBryan
    by GOBryan
    December 12, 2012 at 10:19 AM

    I'm a Realtor.. so I'm here for them, yet, I work. I think it's important to have your own separate thing in order to stay active in the community and for your own health, however, you need to be available for your kids as well. It's not an easy balancing act but before, I was working 6 days a week about an hour away and that just wasn't working. Dad's home for them but I was the one missing out. 

  • xoxRachelxox
    December 12, 2012 at 10:24 AM

     With my oldest son, I was a full time working mom. It sucked. I never got to see him. With my youngest two, I am able to be a sahm and I love that I'm always here for them.

    I say, if you can do it you should. It's not easy though to just start up a daycare or even getting started on just babysitting. Look into what it takes to do that.

     

  • sweetmissy_05
    December 12, 2012 at 10:53 AM

    I got laid off from my job back in 2010....but at that same time I suffered a miscarriage and so I wasn't able to work anyways and then found out my oldest DD qualified for SSI so I just decided to stay home.  And I have been a SAHM ever since.  I have 2 little girls with special needs and between theri appointments and school and everyday living I wouldn't have time to work and also we live in a small town in the middle of nowhere so for me to find daycare (one that knows enough about special needs) and traveling for work just wouldn't be feasible.  We make do just fine with me being a SAHM and it's great for my kids.  Once they go to school fulltime I may consider getting a parttime job or going to college.  I also babysit a frriend's daughter for extra money too.

  • amonkeymom
    December 12, 2012 at 12:01 PM

    I made that decision myself back when I gave birth to my second child.  Between gas, work clothes, child care, etc. it was more cost effective at that time for me to be a stay at home mom.  I did do childcare to earn extra money for my family and it was definitely worth it for me.

    I think you need to weigh the pros and cons and figure out if you're going to be able to make it on no/less income.

    Quoting sasfk00:


    Hi there! I am currently a full time working mother of two young boys. I often struggle with the guilt of leaving them and not spending enough time with them as I know most working mothers do. but lately ive been thinking thats its not worth it and im missing them grow up im considering trying to work from home, maybe a in home childcare or something else? Has anyone made the decision to quit their job and stay at home? how did it work out or was it better for your family?


  • robyann
    by robyann
    December 12, 2012 at 10:46 PM

     I pretty much always been a SAHM, my oldest child is 30 years old now, my youngest is 17. I did work a part time job a couple of times, when things were tight. I have also babysat over the years. You have to be prepared for the sacrifices. It's good that you are already living on just your dh's income. Also having your income in savings is great. For us sometimes it was more of a sacrifice than others, but we had made the decision for me to stay at home and we somehow always managed to make it happen.

    The only thing for me was that I never really worked or got an education. So now that my youngest is 17 years old, I was kind of wondering what I should do. Then one of my ds's had a baby and him and his wife both work full time, so now I get to be a SAHMawMaw!! :)

    You need to do what you feel is best for your family. Sounds like you've thought it out and have covered all the bases. GL

  • AM-BRAT
    by AM-BRAT
    December 12, 2012 at 10:54 PM
    I stayed home fully til my girls were 3&5. Yes it felt isolated sometimes but I will never look back and feel like I wasn't there.

    Now, I work full time. But it's graves so I'm still always home. I sacrafice sleep, yes, but my family duties and personal duties are fulfilled.

    Everyone has to find their balance.
  • Dreamer_02
    December 12, 2012 at 11:05 PM

    Everyone is diffrent. depending on your age and style of living. My daughter is 3yrs old and I recently just got my bachlors degree. I'd admit I felt guilt at times but inorder to build a future for you and your kids you have to think what works for you. I work, however I have the weekends off and I take my days off to spend with my daughter. I want only the best for her and I cannot give her that without a high paying job,. so to me thats important.

  • Karen_S
    by Karen_S
    December 13, 2012 at 12:02 AM

    I work part time. It's the solution that worked for me and my family. My career was one where if I left it for more than a few months I wouldn't have been able to come back.  And I love my work. So working 24 hours a week was what fit my life. Now that DD is in kinder, I work all the hours she is in school (plus a bit more because DH picks her up two days a week).  Lately, she's been complaining when I pick her up that she wants to stay at school and do the afterschool program, because they do a lot of fun stuff like jump rope club and dance. So now I'm trying to figure out if I give her more time away to do these things, or if I want that time with my little bug when she's still small. 

  • larissacst
    December 13, 2012 at 12:23 AM

    As soon as the pregnancy test read positive both my now ex and I deciced hands down I would be a SAHM. .At least until our child could talk. Our reasoning was you never know what goes on in those daycares. He's a trust no one type of person. Plus my mom worked in daycares all my life and at many of them they were told not to pick up a crying baby for the first 10 min of crying. She refused to work at many places because of that rule. Plus you could potentially miss the first words, first roll over, first sit up...all that and the daycare workers aren't going to tell you. I work at a daycare now and when parents come in and ask if their child cried when they left the lady I work with is quick to answer no when in fact their child cried for 20 min!! It was a definite lifestyle change as he and I both pulled in 200+ a day but oh so worth it. Due to unfortunate circumstances I was forced to put my child in daycare shortly after his 4th b-day. After a month in one of them I stayed and for an Easter Egg Hunt and one child cried, rain up to the worker, arms outstretched and she did nothing!!! Just said oh he does that all the time. In the time I was there I consoled 3 kids while the workers just stood there doing nothing. I pulled him the next day. Stay home if you can. I regret everyday that I wasn't able to do it longer. The bond is amazing. Then again all I ever wanted to be was a housewife/mom and cater to my mans and child's needs.

Advice for Moms