Advice for Moms
Now every night when I put her down I am so sad. I'm so sad to leave her there alone. I know she is safe and I am right down the hall and I come when I hear her on the monitor. I just think if she were sleeping with me, she would never wake and cry and feel those scary feelings before I come and get her in the night.
I love her so much! I don't ever want her to have scary feelings of being alone. I'm sure I'm extra emotional but I feel it almost every night. Am I heaping guilt upon myself? How do I make peace about this?
Replies
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I have tried for half a night here and there. Dh says he can't sleep w dd in bed because he's afraid he will roll and squish her. The couple of times I tried dh ended up on the couch ( and then in a pissy mood the next day). : (
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I know exactly how you are feeling. My little girl was born at 32 weeks 3 days because I developed pre-eclampsia and my blood pressure shot up really high. I was admitted immediately and she was delivered 2 days later. She had to stay in NICU for 3 weeks. It was so hard for me to leave her every day once I was discharged from the hospital. When she came home, she slept in a bassinet for about 4 days but she decided she wanted to be in something bigger so she could move around and get comfortable. I didn't like her being down the hall from me either because she was a premie and was so tiny, but I had the monitor right beside my head on my bedside table and as long as I could hear her, I was okay with her sleeping in her crib. As far as the door, if it would make you feel better, open her door up when you go to bed. That's what we do up to this very day. It's perfectly natural for her to experience scary feelings and for you to want to protect her from those scary feelings, but she will learn to deal with the scary feelings and will cope with them in her own way. Don't stress yourself out. A lot of what you are feeling is hormonal and it does get easier with time. I hope I was able to alleviate some of your anxiety. I wish you all the joy and happiness of being a mother with a precious little girl. -
I was one of the moms who put the baby in the crib, in the same room with me, and he slept peacefully there every night. We moved when we as a few months old, still had the same set up, crib in our room. He slept in the crib for about a week and then got a cold. I put him in his bed and he started crying. I picked him up and brougt him into our bed and he has been there ever since. His little sister is in a side car crib cause I was afraid of sleeping with two small babies and my husband in our king sized bed.
My husband and I were talking about how our son wound up in our bed, and it was after a post from my midwife about sleep training. Whether you agress with or not is up to you, but it really touch both of us. I can not find the quote but it had to do with not answering your childs needs when you let them cry it out and how it can make your child lose trust in you as a parent.
I am not saying bed sharing or co-sleeping is always the answer, I am just saying that each family needs to find what works for them.
Just as a side note, my two older children now 14 and 8 have always slept in a crib in the same room with me and they are fine and sleep by themselves now. My two year old will lay down with older sibilings but wants our bed for nite nite. He will name by himseld during the day. The youngest one, will sleep in the side car bed with or without me next to her. Again this is what works for us and why we started doing it.
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As long as her needs are met, it is okay for an infant to sleep in a separate room.
I don't agree with letting your child scream itself to sleep, because everything we have been taught in foster parent training about the effect of needs not being met right away in infants, is scary.
But, in my opinion, letting your child sleep in their own room is okay, as long as their needs are met. -
Have you told your doctor any of this?
You might be suffering from postpartum depression.
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Why don't you use a co-sleeper or bassinet? I used a pack and play until my son was too big for it.