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youngmom16
venting about baby dad & custody (kinda long)
November 29, 2012 at 9:40 PM

I won't get into too much detail about what happened before Dd was born because it is a lot (unless you want to know and think it'd help with anything). I just need to vent because dd father is being a jerk right now about things. She was born the 14th so she is only 2 weeks old. Her dad wants to take her for a few hours to overnight already. She is ebf and I don't produce extra milk to be able to give him any for an overnight stay or a visit. He is saying that out of spite I am trying to keep her from him, which is not the case. Also, the pediatrician told me not to take her out much during winter, wait 3-6 months or until winter is over because of the flu/rsv season. Well her father doesn't believe me and wants proof which I am getting, but now he wants to take me to court. He had threatened me before she was born that he was going to take me to court and get primary.

He decided not to sign the acknowledgment of paternity or for her birth cert/social at the hospital. He's done a lot of stuff lately that makes me unhappy such as he has only seen her 3x since she was born,(twice in the hospital but left right after delivery) he puts his gfs daughter over her and he only asks about how shes doing MAYBE once a week. 

I'm extremely attached to her, and I am also afraid to let him have her for an hour or even overnight because he has anger issues.. I also don't know his gf, and with how he is I'm afraid he would basically kidnap.her and not bring her back to me. He won't let me have his address where he is currently living either which makes me very uneasy.

There's probably a lot more to tell, but ill start with all this first and see if anyone has opinions or suggestions. Please don't be mean about stuff though.

Replies

  • busymom64064
    November 29, 2012 at 9:45 PM

    Sory mama I have never been in that situation, but I would get a lawyer ASAP. If you can't afford one then I am sure there s one that will do it for either really cheap or free.

    Anyway, I wouldn't think that  judge woud seperate such a young newborn from a mother like that overnight, etc.....and with what you said about im and his aner issues PLUS im NOT letting you know where he lives.......i am sure that a judge would take that into consideration.

  • opal10161973
    November 29, 2012 at 9:47 PM

    No court order, no unsupervised visitation.  PERIOD!  The chance of him taking her and not giving her back are high without a CO and his past threats to keep her.  Even if he does take you to court, they are not likely to give him overnights when you are EBF.  She's way to young for that right now. 

  • sleepymommy87
    November 29, 2012 at 9:48 PM
    Most judges take breastfeeding into consideration in custody cases and they also rarely grant overnight custody or even more than a few hours with babies under 2. Good luck!
  • meka26
    by meka26
    November 29, 2012 at 9:50 PM

    My child would not go anywhere if I didn't have an address for the person she's leaving with. You have every right to want to know where he's taking your child. I would request a custody order. It's better to be safe than sorry.

  • robyann
    by robyann
    November 29, 2012 at 9:50 PM

     Do you have legal custody? Just because your the mom doesn't automatically give you custody, it used to. Now whoever files first gets it until the other parent gets it into court before a judge. That would be the first thing you should do before letting him take her at all. He has no legal rights for visitation, so let him visit her at your house with you there. If he doesn't like that then let him take you to court.

  • huntersmama711
    November 29, 2012 at 9:52 PM
    I agree with what the other ladies said, and since he never signed the birth certificate the courts will make him get a paternity test done, most likely before he'll get visitation. Tell him if he wants unsupervised visits go to court for them. Congrats on the baby and I'm sorry for what he's putting you through
  • sleepymommy87
    November 29, 2012 at 9:52 PM
    If he isn't even on the bc then he has no rights to even file to begin with.


    Quoting robyann:

     Do you have legal custody? Just because your the mom doesn't automatically give you custody, it used to. Now whoever files first gets it until the other parent gets it into court before a judge. That would be the first thing you should do before letting him take her at all. He has no legal rights for visitation, so let him visit her at your house with you there. If he doesn't like that then let him take you to court.


  • robyann
    by robyann
    November 29, 2012 at 9:56 PM

     Yes your right, missed that part, lol. So he'd have to request a dna test first. I still wouldn't let him take the baby right now, let him visit at your house.

    Quoting sleepymommy87:

    If he isn't even on the bc then he has no rights to even file to begin with.


    Quoting robyann:

     Do you have legal custody? Just because your the mom doesn't automatically give you custody, it used to. Now whoever files first gets it until the other parent gets it into court before a judge. That would be the first thing you should do before letting him take her at all. He has no legal rights for visitation, so let him visit her at your house with you there. If he doesn't like that then let him take you to court.


     

  • AubreeGrace17
    November 29, 2012 at 10:03 PM
    You don't have to allow visits if you don't want to. He has no rights at the moment.
  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    November 29, 2012 at 11:01 PM

    You first need an order of custody, until then he can take the baby anytime he wants for as long as he wants becuase he is the father.  

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