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venting about baby dad & custody (kinda long)
November 29, 2012 at 9:40 PM

I won't get into too much detail about what happened before Dd was born because it is a lot (unless you want to know and think it'd help with anything). I just need to vent because dd father is being a jerk right now about things. She was born the 14th so she is only 2 weeks old. Her dad wants to take her for a few hours to overnight already. She is ebf and I don't produce extra milk to be able to give him any for an overnight stay or a visit. He is saying that out of spite I am trying to keep her from him, which is not the case. Also, the pediatrician told me not to take her out much during winter, wait 3-6 months or until winter is over because of the flu/rsv season. Well her father doesn't believe me and wants proof which I am getting, but now he wants to take me to court. He had threatened me before she was born that he was going to take me to court and get primary.

He decided not to sign the acknowledgment of paternity or for her birth cert/social at the hospital. He's done a lot of stuff lately that makes me unhappy such as he has only seen her 3x since she was born,(twice in the hospital but left right after delivery) he puts his gfs daughter over her and he only asks about how shes doing MAYBE once a week. 

I'm extremely attached to her, and I am also afraid to let him have her for an hour or even overnight because he has anger issues.. I also don't know his gf, and with how he is I'm afraid he would basically kidnap.her and not bring her back to me. He won't let me have his address where he is currently living either which makes me very uneasy.

There's probably a lot more to tell, but ill start with all this first and see if anyone has opinions or suggestions. Please don't be mean about stuff though.


  • SexyTeacher
    November 29, 2012 at 11:12 PM

    He does NOT need a DNA test for paternity! He can sign the birth certificate and be done with it. I doubt the courts would let him take the baby overnight. Maybe for 4-5 hours at most. Both you and he need to get a custody and visitation order in place.

  • mmccrea
    by mmccrea
    November 29, 2012 at 11:21 PM

    Lawyer up for sure.  Go to a local place that helps moms, like a reproductive care place, and maybe they can help you out.  Trust your mom gut and don't let him NEAR your baby!  She is yours, and your feelings that it is sketchy of him to not let you have his address is so RIGHT!  And, if he has anger issues, thats another big no-no.  Don't let him near your daughter.  You should be better off without him.  

  • elzmnsf
    by elzmnsf
    November 30, 2012 at 1:02 AM
    Yes but the guy did not sign the paternity forms at the hospital. Legally, as o right now that child has only one parent and an unknown father in the wind somewhere. He would have to establish paternity to have any rights at all to the child and since he refused to sign that he's the dad, he hasn't done that. She doesn't have to let him anywhere near that kid as of right now, much less let him leave with the child. The courts will view you better if you allow him to visit though. This op needs to document everytime he calls , when she says he can come by and whether or not he does.

    Quoting robyann:

     Do you have legal custody? Just because your the mom doesn't automatically give you custody, it used to. Now whoever files first gets it until the other parent gets it into court before a judge. That would be the first thing you should do before letting him take her at all. He has no legal rights for visitation, so let him visit her at your house with you there. If he doesn't like that then let him take you to court.

  • elzmnsf
    by elzmnsf
    November 30, 2012 at 1:05 AM
    Legally he is not the father. They weren't married at the birth and he refused to sign the paternity form. As of right now he would be just some dude taking a baby, not a father getting his kid. He would have to go to court to establish paternity before he could do anything simply because he didn't sign the form. If he has doubts he should request a test pronto, if not then he cut off his nose to spite his face in this situation.

    Quoting CoeyG:

    You first need an order of custody, until then he can take the baby anytime he wants for as long as he wants becuase he is the father.  

  • firespurity
    November 30, 2012 at 1:09 AM
    With him making threats, I wouldn't hand her over without a court order. If she is ebf the court will probably not do over night, until she reaches a year old anyways.
  • savingtheworld
    November 30, 2012 at 5:26 AM
    My youngest son was 9months, when my ex husband divorced me...I didn't ask, but the judge ordered that my 9 month old would have no over night visits with the had to come to my house once a week to see the baby, an most the time he didn' son was 4 when he finally was allowed visitations...
  • DonnaPinitonya
    November 30, 2012 at 5:40 AM

    Don't let him take her. You can supply him with all the medical stuff like the recommendations from the doctor... he could just go with you but doesn't sound like he is that serious of a parent to her. And let him take you to court, then they will grill him on his lack of seeing her and why he wants so much custody if he wouldn't sign paternity when she was born. Also you will get his address. If he takes you to court  he will have to do everything the courts way which is very public and it sounds like he won't like all that. Don't stress, bond with your baby and be the great mom you are. The best interest of the baby is what they will look at so just make notes of what he says and when he actually does see her so you can show your argument on why his having her for extended periods is a bad idea. Good luck momma!

  • DonnaPinitonya
    November 30, 2012 at 5:45 AM

    IDK what state your in but in CA if my now hunny didn't sign DD2's papers before the hospital register lady submitted them to the state he wouldn't of been looked at as a legal guardian since we weren't married yet. She had me hold the papers till he came back from the house so he could sign. You don't have to do anything to apease him!  He has to take you to court for anything. :) 

  • melissaaytes
    November 30, 2012 at 12:30 PM

    DO NOT GIVE THAT BABY TO HIM!!!!  If he has the child in his custody with no court order then legally there is nothing you can do to get her back until a hearing.  Same goes with you, he has no rights while she is in your custody especially with him not being on the bc!!!!  There are pro bono lawyers that you can get if you can't afford one.  Judges usually lean more towards the mother especially with her being only 2 weeks old and being breastfed!! Good luck and congrats on your new baby!!

  • dlock25
    by dlock25
    November 30, 2012 at 12:38 PM

    Quoting opal10161973:

    No court order, no unsupervised visitation.  PERIOD!  The chance of him taking her and not giving her back are high without a CO and his past threats to keep her.  Even if he does take you to court, they are not likely to give him overnights when you are EBF.  She's way to young for that right now. 

    This I just looked up the law in PA. The father has just as much right to child as mother and if you give the child to dad, he does not have to give the child back. Let him take yo uto court.

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