Advice for Moms

AnAngelsKiss
Weed on school grounds really? *update x2
November 15, 2012 at 1:56 AM
My 17yo dd was suspended from school. She told me they randomly check her and her friends at lunch while they were all talking and found a pipe and weed on one of the other kids so they all got suspended. Well according to the school official that called me. They were all standing in a circle passing the pipe on school grounds. Wtf on school grounds? Well I am totally outgrageously not happy about the smoking weed which I already knew about and have told her over and over not before or after school. Well now she is in drug & alcohol classes which I hope deture her away from it. She has been grounded durring her suspension working on all her missing assignments. What else can I do?



*guess I stated this wrong as Mommies are getting the wrong impression. No I do not allow her to do it. Yes I have gone over the side effects this has. I did find it in her room (under matress) and made her watch me put it down the garbage disposal. I check her room & backpack on a regular basis. I am afraid of complete control of forcing her every move on it that she will rebel.


* I called today and registered her in Youth 'n' action. I told her which day she would be going she told me she is not going. I said if I have to take you on the bus with me you are going. She said well I am bigger then you and you will have to take me physically by forceable action.


* I also called at risk youth. It told me to leave a message so I did.

* ok we have decided together to send her back to Arizona for the rest of her Junior year and the summer with my grandmother. She will attend school online. Then she will return back to me and continue her senior year online.

Replies

  • AnAngelsKiss
    November 15, 2012 at 11:47 AM
    We have always been open with each other to talk. She has never once seen me do it when she was young. I do not do it anymore. I will talk to her and see what her desire to do it stems from.

    Quoting CTSBrandy:

    It isn't the boundaries that cause a child to rebel. It's a lack of trust in why you're setting those boundaries.  If you sit in a high school cafeteria, you'll hear kids discussing their parents behavior, decisions, statements, and rules at nearly every table. The saddest voices are those kids who say, "Not me. My parents don't care what I do." Boundaries show your kids that you care, and yes - that's even when you're fighting over them.

    Your daughter got involved in smoking pot but you still haven't asked yourself the biggest question that I would be right now - why? Why did she start doing something she knows you don't approve of her doing? Is it because she's seen you do it and figures that if it's good enough for you, it's good enough for her?  Is it that she's trying to escape whatever pain she might be in emotionally? Is it that she feels like this is what she has to do to fit in with the only group of kids she feels accepts her as she is?  Try to figure out WHY she's smoking and you'll have the key to understanding what you need to do to stop her from doing it.

  • -PB
    by -PB
    November 15, 2012 at 12:20 PM

     Wow.

  • KalenaRose11
    November 15, 2012 at 12:27 PM
    Sounds like she may need to go spend the weekend in jail. However underage she can't go to a county jail but a juvenile center. Let her figure out that if she continues down that path that that is where she could end up.
  • AnAngelsKiss
    November 15, 2012 at 1:10 PM
    She knows. I have told her, school officials, & her little sister.

    Quoting KalenaRose11:

    Sounds like she may need to go spend the weekend in jail. However underage she can't go to a county jail but a juvenile center. Let her figure out that if she continues down that path that that is where she could end up.
  • sj3starz
    November 15, 2012 at 1:18 PM

    Honestly the only way I would have learned (other than the way I did in college) would be to have the tough love a parent can give. My mother ended up putting my brother in juvie because of his actions, which was hard on the family, but he straightened out.


    Me, I ended up living on the streets at 17, did drugs well into college and the only reason I stopped was because I had an overdose that scared the crap out of me. I stopped EVERYTHING after that. 


    Without having her scared half to death about it, she won't stop. 


    You could also randomly drug test as if she were on probation and if she fails, report her. You are responsible for the drugs your child is carrying on her. Cover yourself. Also, let her know that she is capable of ruining YOUR life, because of her actions. 

  • KalenaRose11
    November 15, 2012 at 1:34 PM
    She may "know" but how many times can you tell someone something and they still don't listen. IMO I think it's time for her to see and feel and experience life behind bars. If she though high school was hard, living behind bars is harder. They don't care about ur feelings or anything. I think it would benefit her to actually stay a few days.


    Quoting AnAngelsKiss:

    She knows. I have told her, school officials, & her little sister.



    Quoting KalenaRose11:

    Sounds like she may need to go spend the weekend in jail. However underage she can't go to a county jail but a juvenile center. Let her figure out that if she continues down that path that that is where she could end up.

  • AnAngelsKiss
    November 15, 2012 at 1:47 PM
    That is exactly why I stay on top of making sure it does not come into my house. I am glad you survived. I have had her drug tested at her dr they say it comes out clean. I know for a fact that this time was not her first. She has not done any other drugs and disbelieves me that weed is a gateway drug. Even with showing her articles online.

    Quoting sj3starz:

    Honestly the only way I would have learned (other than the way I did in college) would be to have the tough love a parent can give. My mother ended up putting my brother in juvie because of his actions, which was hard on the family, but he straightened out.


    Me, I ended up living on the streets at 17, did drugs well into college and the only reason I stopped was because I had an overdose that scared the crap out of me. I stopped EVERYTHING after that. 


    Without having her scared half to death about it, she won't stop. 


    You could also randomly drug test as if she were on probation and if she fails, report her. You are responsible for the drugs your child is carrying on her. Cover yourself. Also, let her know that she is capable of ruining YOUR life, because of her actions. 

  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    November 15, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    Gee things haven't changed when I was in high school...they've pretty much always hd pot in school LOL  they did back in the 60s and 70s as well nice to know some things haven't changed LOL

  • BaBa1123
    November 15, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    This is a very difficult situation and since the school already notified and she is going to classes for drugs and alcohol and she still gives you trouble then tough love is definetly needed.  The police will have to be notified and then she will have a record does any of this scare her?  If not, then show her the criminal side of life and do not bail her out.   She will find out first hand but before this is there a police friend or teacher you could contact and maybe they can make sense with this disturbing problem.  You are the parent but sometimes a second adult can help.    

  • AnAngelsKiss
    November 15, 2012 at 4:17 PM
    She thinks she outweighs the law like it won't happen to her. We have all told her about what the effects can be and it still doesn't phase her. I actually called the cops on her because she choked her 8yo sister and the cops dismissed her actions because she lied to them and told them I punched her when all I did was pushed her away from her sister being locked in her hands. I found a couple of things I can put her in. Youth in action being one of them. Another is a filed report at the courts to where next time the cops are called they can not dismiss her actions.

    Quoting BaBa1123:

    This is a very difficult situation and since the school already notified and she is going to classes for drugs and alcohol and she still gives you trouble then tough love is definetly needed.  The police will have to be notified and then she will have a record does any of this scare her?  If not, then show her the criminal side of life and do not bail her out.   She will find out first hand but before this is there a police friend or teacher you could contact and maybe they can make sense with this disturbing problem.  You are the parent but sometimes a second adult can help.    

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