*guess I stated this wrong as Mommies are getting the wrong impression. No I do not allow her to do it. Yes I have gone over the side effects this has. I did find it in her room (under matress) and made her watch me put it down the garbage disposal. I check her room & backpack on a regular basis. I am afraid of complete control of forcing her every move on it that she will rebel.
* I called today and registered her in Youth 'n' action. I told her which day she would be going she told me she is not going. I said if I have to take you on the bus with me you are going. She said well I am bigger then you and you will have to take me physically by forceable action.
* I also called at risk youth. It told me to leave a message so I did.
* ok we have decided together to send her back to Arizona for the rest of her Junior year and the summer with my grandmother. She will attend school online. Then she will return back to me and continue her senior year online.
by AnAngelsKissNovember 17, 2012 at 2:03 PMI set her up in at risk youth. She tells me oh I am not going. You have to forcably make me go. Well she keeps trying to make notions all the time to get me to put my hands on her so she can call the cops on me. If I am to physically put her on the bus with me then that is cps on me. I have had in public before where I will be standing behind her and she throws herself down and starts screaming and crying Mommy why did you push me. When I didn't touch her. I have called at risk youth. If you read the replies I have made in this thread then you will see all I have done. Mine are in green.
Teens are notorious for rebelling~ they think they have the world whipped by the ass and know it all~ when in fact, we know otherwise. I was that teen. I rebelled against EVERYTHING my mother said. I smoked weed, drank, snuck out of the house... OMG. As I sit here today at 34, I can think back to numerous times of my mom just crying and crying and can honestly say my mom disliked me.
Now, I'm a social worker and director of my agency. I chose to work with children for 10 of the 14 years in this field. Then I worked on drug/alcohol rehab helping addicts stay clean and get their lives back together.
Here's the deal~ sorry to be blunt, but there's no nice way of saying this. Had my mom been my friend and gave up on me, I'm almost positive my life would be very different than what it is today.while she struggled with me tremendously, she never gave up. She tried the grounding, yelling, lectures, blah blah blah. Never worked. All it did was make me hate her and actually fed my rebellion. I essentially had the upper hand as does ur daughter. My mom made idle threats. I knew she was never going to follow thru with them. So, her threats lost ther effectiveness. I just said whatever.
Well, one day, she followed through with her threats. As hard as it was, she sent me away. I was shipped from Ohio to Florida. For three very long months. I hated her. But in the end, it worked. Not sayin u need to ship her away... I'm saying u need to gain control of the situation now and start following thru. U need to take a different approach now and show her u r serious and the parent.
I'm not sure where u live, but Im almost positive there's a detention center near u. Call them. While its ideal to say u can buy drug tests now at Walmart, it's not ideal to think u can force her to pee in a cup to drug test her. U have to take action now. Shake her world up. Surprise her~ and u will one day when she's sitting in a detention center more shocked than anything. They provide counseling, drug counseling, drug testing..... If u keep on this track ur not going to grab ahold of this situation.
As hard as it is, sometimes u have to let them learn by their own mistakes. My ds knows I will not tolerate this type of behavior. He knows I love him with all of my heart and soul and I want nothing but the best for him. That being said, the usual parent/child set up is threatening to tell their dad and dad is usually the harshest and " scariest" parental figure. Not in my house. That would be me. It takes a lot to get me mad but when he pushes and pushes my buttons, my dh will tell my ds u think I'm bad, make ur mother mad.
U have to set boundaries and guidelines ~ spelling out the consequences clearly for her. When she breaks them, follow through. There are programs and places out there to help u. When I worked in the drug rehab, u would be surprised to see how fast an adult would crumble when they failed their urine test, went to court and were sent to jail for 3 days. There's no room for error. They would beg and plead with us and the judge but, everyone stuck to the rules and we shook up their world.
Most of them had jobs, they were scared of jail, they didn't want their jobs to know, etc... But they were in drug court. Drug court meant groups and meetings and random drug screens. If they failed to show for a screen, they faced the judge.
It's hard enough dealing with teen attitudes ~ but when u throw something like this into the mix, it 10 times worse. Sometimes being the parent involves very tough heart breaking decisions. And unfortunately this is where ur at.
While my take on marijuana is that of I don't think it's " bad" per se... Yes most states its illegal but crack, heroine and other drugs r far worse... It's illegal, yes, she's a minor, yes, she needs to her herself in check. I would much rather deal with a marijuana addiction than a heroine addiction ANYDAY. That being said an addiction is an addiction is an addiction. Good luck to u.
by TinasTribeNovember 18, 2012 at 3:22 PM
My mom went through this with my sister. She moved from Erie, to Florida and my sister hated it. My sister ended up staying in here to finish the school year with family. We recently moved and my 13 year old was not happy about it and he said "you choice to change my life. I had no input in changing my life, this isnt my life!" and I get that, kids do end up getting the short end of the stick. We just have to teach them and explain to them why we made that choice for them.. and that feeling of loss will heal. Good Luck to you guys, I hope she finds her way.