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How far is too far for every other weekend visitation?
by FFmom3
November 12, 2012 at 11:49 AM

My 4 yr  old DD's father moved 3 hours away. currently she is in preK Mon, Tue and Thur. so every other weekend she is picked up by 11am on friday by her dy 5pm by her dad. and is home by 5pm on sunday.
It's a 3 hour trip both ways, w/out stopping for lunch, potty I have 2 things that are going to change soon (w/in a year) ~ in Sept she will start kindergarten, fu l time m-f. which means she will be in school until 3pm ~ so he wouldnt be able to pick her up by 11 anymore on fridays.....AND he is thinking abut moving AGAIN (this will be move #5, each time getting further away, first he was a few miles down the road, 2nd he was an half hour away, 3rd an hour and now 3 hours....and if he moves in w/ his GF it will be 4 hours away ~ so getting picked up at 3 she wouldnt get to his house until dinner then bed and only have a day and half before having to hmake the trek back....the weekend she goes there, she has fun w/ him (from what I can tell) but also notice she is crabby and its hard for her to sleep the first night or two ~and he bahvior is not so good, it;s like an awful 2 days of whining and getting back into our routine. I think that all the driving/riding too much for her b/c she is still young.  
I don't want to take away his visitation, but dont want my dd stressed either.....any suggestions? any other moms "dealing" with something like this?


  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    November 12, 2012 at 11:55 AM
    I think it is fine. The courts would allow it. Do you want her to never see her Dad?
  • FFmom3
    by FFmom3
    November 12, 2012 at 12:02 PM

    No, of course I want her to see her dad. He is a great dad and they have a great relationship. I just worry that if he keeps moving further and further away it will cause more "stress" on her and I worry that they are not getting that much time "together" because of all the travel. I'm not saying that I want to take away the every other weekend visits, but I just kind of am trying to get other moms ideas on it....I've obviously never been thru this before and I'm trying to do the "right" thing.   

  • itsblissmas
    November 12, 2012 at 2:02 PM

     I really don't know but good luck and hugs to you.

  • almondpigeon
    November 12, 2012 at 2:04 PM
    Why does he keep moving? Do you have a decent relationship with him....could you suggest to him that his girlfriend move in with him?
  • Bleacheddecay
    November 12, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    Honestly, with or without the trip, any child is going to be tired, ill behaved and have trouble settling into the home routine after a visit. I suspect the further away he moves, and if he moves in with his gf, he will begin to limit the visits himself.

  • FFmom3
    by FFmom3
    November 14, 2012 at 5:09 PM

    he rund b/c of finacial issues (tax issues etc...) too hard to get into details on here right now.....
    We have a "decent" relationship, we dont fight etc and only realy speak when it's about dd....


    Quoting almondpigeon:

    Why does he keep moving? Do you have a decent relationship with him....could you suggest to him that his girlfriend move in with him?

  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    November 14, 2012 at 6:03 PM

    You can't keep him from his visiatation as long as he is willing to come and get her regardless of how far it is.  If you have a problem with it then maybe you need to pack up and move closer to where he lives.  She will survive the long drive.  Other kids have before her.  

  • lilmama8408
    November 14, 2012 at 6:06 PM
    My parents were told in court order they had to live within an hour of eachother unless BOTH agreed otherwise.
  • stargazerwolf
    November 14, 2012 at 6:26 PM

    I sort of have a similar situation, but I was the one who moved away from my ex husband (my 4 year olds dad). I moved 2 1/2 hours from where we had lived in order for me to find he employment I wanted in a bigger city (really no jobs in the smaller towns here especially as a dog groomer). Anyway, we actually have to meet half way. I've been worried because when mine starts school next year she will likely want to be in activities and some of those may consist of her needing to be here on weekends she is supposed to be be at her dads. Already I'd like to look into getting her into dance because she loves dancing around all the time. She goes every other weekend plus he has her every other holiday (big holidays) and then for a total of 6 weeks of the summer. I'm still mad my lawyer didnt' help me more because I have full custody and these are still the "rules". He is an ok dad, but I feel that he just lets her do anything she wants, is in an unclean enviroment and not fed right when she is there. She also has come back with lice 5 times in the last year or so. I also wonder how much time he actually spends with her because he usually isn't the one to pick her up on fridays, his mom, sister or girlfriend will since he works nights so he really sees her only saturday and part of sunday.

    Anyway, she also comes back crabby, craving real food (he feeds her a lot of sugar), and having trouble with her sleep schedule. He often is late picking and dropping her off which has made me loose time at work in the past since we meet halfway. Honestly there isn't much that can be done unless parents live in same city. I think parents just have to plan the best they can, make sure that its not too late that she comes back on sundays when she starts school, etc. And no offense to the person suggesting to move closer to him, but I think that is unreasonable, he is the one moving all over and to me that seems rediculous especially considering he has a child he supposedly wants to see and that is not in the best intrest of the child, not to mention if she moved closer and he moved yet again then it wouldn't help anything and you can't ask her to follow him all over and keep restarting her life.

    I've actually considered discussing with my ex that our daughter goes to him every 3 weeks instead, but havent said it yet. It used to be that I had to remind him of what weekends he was supposed to have her and then I told him if he didn't get ahold of me by 9pm thursday he wouldn't get her for the weekend. He has forgotten weekends before. It costs about $50 every other weekend for gas to and from our meeting place, my daughter gets disappointed and sad when he is late or forgets and unless I have recently said something about her dad she rarely asks about him or anything. She does love her dad, but I think it'd be better and easier for everyone if she didn't go so often (I know I probably sound like a b**** right now, but he seems to not want the responsibility and only wants her for the fun things just like when we were married he never fed her, changed her, bathed her or anything).

    I hope you can get it figured out, I don't have a lot of suggestions though...

  • BaBa1123
    November 16, 2012 at 4:19 PM

    No I do not have to deal with this however I think this is too much for the young child.   Visitation rights he should have but if he keeps moving away like he is now up to 4 hours then maybe in a few years he will be more than 8 hours away so he is not really concern about visitation.  Summer time is when his visitation should take place where you do not have to worry about school.  See what your rights are and then go from there.   

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