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How much should my husband do?
by mmccrea
October 13, 2012 at 11:08 PM

We have an odd situation.  My husband was transferred to work in MN, 6 hours away from any of our family.  So we moved.  We have no friends/family around, with the exception of one very busy friend.  I am a SAHM and student.  He works 4 days on, 4 days off.  13 hour shifts, overnights, he runs a Walmart.  I do all the housework, meals, bills, and pet care (we have a dog and cat).  We always argue over how much he should have to pitch in with watching our son.  We don't get breaks at all, unless we travel to visit our families.  On the days he works, we see him maybe an hour, and he is a zombie (not good for conversation!).  His first day off, he is...a zombie.  I know he is working hard, but I want him to do more with our son, or do the dishes once a week or something.  What should I be able to ask from him that is fair?  


  • Jenn8604
    October 13, 2012 at 11:12 PM
    4 days off and only day one hes a zombie. To me that would mean my dh would be doing half the housework those days. If I was a SAHM that does not make me the slave of the house or the only parent. Hed also be spending quality time with his son.
    But thats just me. Do whatever.
  • Mommy2justone
    October 13, 2012 at 11:13 PM
    He wouldn't be watching his son, he would be taking care of him. And I would just tell him you need him to do it and walk away. His son needs his dads care as well

  • bcauseimthemom
    October 13, 2012 at 11:14 PM

    If he gets four days off in a row, at least on two of those days he should be helping with all of the household tasks as well as PArENtINg his own child.  I'd take a few hours on one of those days he has off and just leave the house.  Go to the mall and window shop, go have coffee, go to the library, get a mani/pedi... do something for yourself.

  • RobJar
    by RobJar
    October 13, 2012 at 11:16 PM
    He works hard it sounds like. And so do you. Have you ever listened to his side of the story. And I don't mean fight, but sitting down having an actual conversation about things?
  • PerfectVirgo
    October 13, 2012 at 11:17 PM
    I don't know. We both work, but I do everything for him. I like to take care of him, feed him, rub him. He treats me like a princess, and he's my prince.
  • Acid
    by Acid
    October 13, 2012 at 11:18 PM

    He's working overnights.  13 hours a day.  Midnight shifts are incredibly hard to deal with.  

    Don't whine or beg or get mad.  Just say I'd like it if you'd do the dishes for me tonight and I'll bathe Ichabod. 

    Or, would you please take Ichabod for a walk to the park and I'll finish up the dishes...

    You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

  • JasonsMom2007
    October 13, 2012 at 11:26 PM
    That is a question only the two of you can answer. My hubby usually works from 7 am to 6 pm 5 days a week. There are weeks when he works 16 hour days. He once worked a 20 hour day then had to go back for another 16 hour day after 4 hours of sleep.
    But if he is here and the kids are up he is their daddy no matter how tired he is. Even if all he can bring himself to do is sit and cuddle with them while I clean or make dinner he is there for his kids.
    that's what works for my family. You two need to find something that works for yours.
  • mmccrea
    by mmccrea
    October 13, 2012 at 11:27 PM

    Yes, we talk about it too.  I feel bad that he has to work so hard.  I love taking care of our son, most of the time.  But when he thinks he is "watching" him, he's really only watching TV, and making sure he doesn't get hurt.  We just hope and pray that he can get transferred back near our families ASAP next July.  We think everything will be better then.  He works so hard, but this is what he signed up for...

  • mmccrea
    by mmccrea
    October 13, 2012 at 11:30 PM

    I totally understand this.  My husband ends up working much longer shifts if his boss yells at him for longer than usual.  Also he is expected to be there even if he is sick, or near death, death in the family, whatever.  During the holiday season he works super long shifts too, like Black Friday and such.  All on his feet.  I do rub his feet for him, almost everyday...

  • katamike
    October 13, 2012 at 11:31 PM

     If you are a sahm, When he works, expect nothing, Especially with such long hours!Yes we as sahm's work longer hours than that, but we are at home, and if we get that tired, we can sit down and have a break. Ever tried cleaning nonstop with a 1/2 hr break for 13 hours straight? i have never cleaned that long without a break longer than 30 mins. I used to work and lemme tell you, when you work a 12hr shift, the Last thing you want to do is work when you get home.We all too often forget about that. Give him that first day off of rest, then come to an agreement, if you are feeling overwhelmed and need some breaks, and he doesnt want to pitch in, tell him how you feel. Go on a family outing on a day off.. Give him little things to do with ds and ask him to help you vaccum or do up the dishes while your making supper, or sit down to fold laundry and see if he will help you fold.Then he will feel like he is not being pressured into it. I try not to ask to much of my Dh, after all, he is the reason i am able to be a sahm. Without him, i would be the one working long hours and never getting to see my kids. :( Hope that helps...

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