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mmccrea
How much should my husband do?
by mmccrea
October 13, 2012 at 11:08 PM

We have an odd situation.  My husband was transferred to work in MN, 6 hours away from any of our family.  So we moved.  We have no friends/family around, with the exception of one very busy friend.  I am a SAHM and student.  He works 4 days on, 4 days off.  13 hour shifts, overnights, he runs a Walmart.  I do all the housework, meals, bills, and pet care (we have a dog and cat).  We always argue over how much he should have to pitch in with watching our son.  We don't get breaks at all, unless we travel to visit our families.  On the days he works, we see him maybe an hour, and he is a zombie (not good for conversation!).  His first day off, he is...a zombie.  I know he is working hard, but I want him to do more with our son, or do the dishes once a week or something.  What should I be able to ask from him that is fair?  

Replies

  • ShannieP
    October 14, 2012 at 1:34 PM
    You're about an hour from me :) I live in the Plymouth/maple grove area

    Quoting mmccrea:

    We live in Forest Lake, MN.  


    Quoting ShannieP:

    I live in a suburb of the cities :)

    Dh IS missing out and that's a shame :(




    Quoting mmccrea:

    Do you live by the Twin Cities??  I feel like he should want to spend more time with Eli too.  Eli is a very good toddler, and does the funniest things, but he's really missing out. :(  I wish my MIL would hate me.  She calls all the time.



    Quoting ShannieP:

    He should WANT to spend time with his son and he should help you out. Everyone needs a break sometimes!





    PS, I moved to MN with no friends as well! We have MIL and SIL but they both hate me, lol



  • ShannieP
    October 14, 2012 at 1:34 PM
    You're about an hour from me :) I live in the Plymouth/maple grove area

    Quoting mmccrea:

    We live in Forest Lake, MN.  


    Quoting ShannieP:

    I live in a suburb of the cities :)

    Dh IS missing out and that's a shame :(




    Quoting mmccrea:

    Do you live by the Twin Cities??  I feel like he should want to spend more time with Eli too.  Eli is a very good toddler, and does the funniest things, but he's really missing out. :(  I wish my MIL would hate me.  She calls all the time.



    Quoting ShannieP:

    He should WANT to spend time with his son and he should help you out. Everyone needs a break sometimes!





    PS, I moved to MN with no friends as well! We have MIL and SIL but they both hate me, lol



  • Bmat
    by Bmat
    October 14, 2012 at 3:19 PM

    Since he has 4 days off, then for a reasonable amount of that time, he should be doing housework and caring for his son. Keep in mind that if he cares for vehicles and yard and other maintenance, that this is part of his share of the housework. You are entitled to a day or half a day off, also, each week. Either he can have responsibility for the child then, or you can hire a sitter or put your son in childcare for that time. You and your husband should also get out together once a week even if only for a meal out or a movie or a walk through the shopping mall- some time away from home where you can just relax and not have to be on duty.

  • jcampbell288
    October 14, 2012 at 3:24 PM

    I AM ALSO A SAHM AND A FULL TIME STUDENT! I DO ALL THE HOUSEWORK AND WE SHARE CHILDCARE WHEN DH IS HOME! DH DOES HOMEWORK AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR 1 CHILD OUTING A WEEK. ALONG WITH OTHER JUST DAILY STUFF

  • mmccrea
    by mmccrea
    October 14, 2012 at 3:48 PM

    Unfortunately, he does not care for the vehicles and yard.  I take care of the vehicles, and the yard/maintence is cared for by the landlord.  We have had probably 2 dates all year...that is definately something we need to work on.  

    Quoting Bmat:

    Since he has 4 days off, then for a reasonable amount of that time, he should be doing housework and caring for his son. Keep in mind that if he cares for vehicles and yard and other maintenance, that this is part of his share of the housework. You are entitled to a day or half a day off, also, each week. Either he can have responsibility for the child then, or you can hire a sitter or put your son in childcare for that time. You and your husband should also get out together once a week even if only for a meal out or a movie or a walk through the shopping mall- some time away from home where you can just relax and not have to be on duty.


  • Madammeke
    October 14, 2012 at 4:57 PM

    As much as you both agree upon him doing. Rule of thumb is that you feel he does not enough and he feels he is pitching in enough. Each situation is different but take it from me that men feel working outside of the home is more than enough work and they are always tired, except for a football game, going to the pub with friends or watching tv at night.


  • toria78
    by toria78
    October 14, 2012 at 5:44 PM
    I guess im way different then alot of wives, i dont expect my hubby to do any houssehold chores or yard work when he gets off work or on his days off. He works hard to provide for me and kids and deserves a break. I do everything aroundthe house without complaining as thats my job being a sahm. I just make sure he spends time with the kids which he does.
  • barefootmommi
    October 14, 2012 at 11:51 PM
    Tell him what you feel like you need ask Him of he thinks that fair enough n if not what does he think is fair n go from there try to meet somewhere in the middle

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