Advice for Moms

firespurity
What should he do?
October 9, 2012 at 11:20 PM

DH's best friend is having the run around with his child's mother.

When the child was born the visitation was set at her discretion and that was supposed to be temporary, but has never been changed. He has paid child support from day one until June when he lost his job until September. So less then 4 months because it took that long to find a job. He was also homeless during that time.

He is a veteran so the baby would qualify for his insurance through the VA which I think would be TriCare but the mother refuses to let him put her on it because then she would have to pay a co pay instead of getting everything for free from the state.

In September the mother decided to apply for food stamps because her family kicked her out of their house. She Lied saying he had NEVER made a child support payment. And then called him and told him he owes her 1500 or some other random number in backed support and wants it sent directly to her. She has refused him visitation since June before he even lost his job. And she claims there is no DHS (same as CPS) worker on the case, but he wants to make sure his payments go through DHS from this point forward to make sure he gets credit. But how can he do that not knowing who the case worker is, or the case number or anything?

 

Replies

  • Darqdaughter
    October 9, 2012 at 11:34 PM

    Tell him to file with the local family court. even though he doesn't have custody, he can still file for a case action. He needs to hire a lawyer(tell him to check with the VA for a list of attornys) and take this bullshit to court. he needs to save EVERY email/text from/to her and he needs to save and back up his cell phone call log so he can prove he has been in contact with her. He also needs to print bank statements/anyother document that could potentily prove that he has been giving her money.  tell him to follow his attornys instructions TO A TEE 

    It will be long, and frustrating but if he plays his cards rite than it will be rewarding

  • firespurity
    October 9, 2012 at 11:38 PM

     When she first started withholding visitation I told him to send requests through certified mail so there would be proof he requested it. He mistakenly trusted her to be honest and assumed once he resumed payments she would play nice, but this is no so. He does have proof in text messages that he has requested visitation. He even made sure his days off work would be convienent for the mother. :/ She puts the baby in daycare and says because the baby is in daycare at such and such time he can't see the baby.. :(

    Quoting Darqdaughter:

    Tell him to file with the local family court. even though he doesn't have custody, he can still file for a case action. He needs to hire a lawyer(tell him to check with the VA for a list of attornys) and take this bullshit to court. he needs to save EVERY email/text from/to her and he needs to save and back up his cell phone call log so he can prove he has been in contact with her. He also needs to print bank statements/anyother document that could potentily prove that he has been giving her money.  tell him to follow his attornys instructions TO A TEE 

    It will be long, and frustrating but if he plays his cards rite than it will be rewarding

     

  • Darqdaughter
    October 10, 2012 at 12:19 AM

    He NEEDS an Attorny ASFP, if he truely wants help and to see his baby, thanthis is his best shot. It will Get ugly, and because she is getting free money and services she is going to try and drag him through the mud. Just stress to him that an Attorny would be his best chance. Like I mean pester the fuck out of him about it. Bring it up at EVERY possible oppertunity. Stress the importance of the need for said Attorny. and the sooner he gets one the sooner he can watch what he does so she won't have a leg to stand on

    Quoting firespurity:

     When she first started withholding visitation I told him to send requests through certified mail so there would be proof he requested it. He mistakenly trusted her to be honest and assumed once he resumed payments she would play nice, but this is no so. He does have proof in text messages that he has requested visitation. He even made sure his days off work would be convienent for the mother. :/ She puts the baby in daycare and says because the baby is in daycare at such and such time he can't see the baby.. :(

    Quoting Darqdaughter:

    Tell him to file with the local family court. even though he doesn't have custody, he can still file for a case action. He needs to hire a lawyer(tell him to check with the VA for a list of attornys) and take this bullshit to court. he needs to save EVERY email/text from/to her and he needs to save and back up his cell phone call log so he can prove he has been in contact with her. He also needs to print bank statements/anyother document that could potentily prove that he has been giving her money.  tell him to follow his attornys instructions TO A TEE 

    It will be long, and frustrating but if he plays his cards rite than it will be rewarding

     


  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    October 10, 2012 at 2:53 AM

    First of all if he hasn't taken her to court to change the custody/visitation order and she doesn't allow him visitations that isn't her fault, that is his fault.  If there is no court order she doesn't have to let him have visitation,  

    Secondly, if he didh't pay her child support and has been ordered to do so then yes indeed he owes her that money and until he pays  her that money it will continue to accrue interest and he will owe more and more each month it goes unpaid.  

    Third, the copay to the insurance is part of what that child support is for, if the child isn't getting CS then how is the copay to be paid?  I've been a civilian family member on Tri Care, it's not that great and the child is better off with state insurance than Tri Care.  

    Last, child Support isn't payment for visiation.  Just because he pays doesn't automatically mean he can see the child.  He has to go to court and have the order changed.  Until that happens it is her call whether he sees the child or not. 

  • firespurity
    October 10, 2012 at 8:05 AM
    He was paying, but she told them he hasn't been. She told them he hadn't made a single payment since birth. He wants to make sure he gets credit but doesn't know who to contact at DHS or what to say.

    Quoting CoeyG:

    First of all if he hasn't taken her to court to change the custody/visitation order and she doesn't allow him visitations that isn't her fault, that is his fault.  If there is no court order she doesn't have to let him have visitation,  

    Secondly, if he didh't pay her child support and has been ordered to do so then yes indeed he owes her that money and until he pays  her that money it will continue to accrue interest and he will owe more and more each month it goes unpaid.  

    Third, the copay to the insurance is part of what that child support is for, if the child isn't getting CS then how is the copay to be paid?  I've been a civilian family member on Tri Care, it's not that great and the child is better off with state insurance than Tri Care.  

    Last, child Support isn't payment for visiation.  Just because he pays doesn't automatically mean he can see the child.  He has to go to court and have the order changed.  Until that happens it is her call whether he sees the child or not. 

  • smallfry3280
    October 10, 2012 at 10:10 AM

    sounds like good advice

    Quoting Darqdaughter:

    Tell him to file with the local family court. even though he doesn't have custody, he can still file for a case action. He needs to hire a lawyer(tell him to check with the VA for a list of attornys) and take this bullshit to court. he needs to save EVERY email/text from/to her and he needs to save and back up his cell phone call log so he can prove he has been in contact with her. He also needs to print bank statements/anyother document that could potentily prove that he has been giving her money.  tell him to follow his attornys instructions TO A TEE 

    It will be long, and frustrating but if he plays his cards rite than it will be rewarding


  • CoeyG
    by CoeyG
    October 10, 2012 at 12:39 PM


    Quoting firespurity:

    He was paying, but she told them he hasn't been. She told them he hadn't made a single payment since birth. He wants to make sure he gets credit but doesn't know who to contact at DHS or what to say.

    Quoting CoeyG:

    First of all if he hasn't taken her to court to change the custody/visitation order and she doesn't allow him visitations that isn't her fault, that is his fault.  If there is no court order she doesn't have to let him have visitation,  

    Secondly, if he didh't pay her child support and has been ordered to do so then yes indeed he owes her that money and until he pays  her that money it will continue to accrue interest and he will owe more and more each month it goes unpaid.  

    Third, the copay to the insurance is part of what that child support is for, if the child isn't getting CS then how is the copay to be paid?  I've been a civilian family member on Tri Care, it's not that great and the child is better off with state insurance than Tri Care.  

    Last, child Support isn't payment for visiation.  Just because he pays doesn't automatically mean he can see the child.  He has to go to court and have the order changed.  Until that happens it is her call whether he sees the child or not. 

    Unless there was an order of support from the court, whatever he paid her is not considered child support, it is considered a "gift" and if there was no order of support he is according to court in arrears and owes that money.  He needs to stop giving her money and have the child support taken from his pay checks or unemployment checks.  If he doesn't get paid up they will also take it from his income tax refund if any.  

  • savingtheworld
    October 10, 2012 at 1:01 PM
    Yea..encourage that ppl can b a total jackass! She's not receiving support so he doesn't deserve to see he's child? Makes sense to me!! Where is ppl's morals? The man didnt have a job give him a break! Sounds like they are both 2 peas in a pod! No mother should ever hold their child away from a father she has no right! AN that's exactly y the court has to get involved bc of ppl like her!!


    Quoting CoeyG:

    First of all if he hasn't taken her to court to change the custody/visitation order and she doesn't allow him visitations that isn't her fault, that is his fault.  If there is no court order she doesn't have to let him have visitation,  

    Secondly, if he didh't pay her child support and has been ordered to do so then yes indeed he owes her that money and until he pays  her that money it will continue to accrue interest and he will owe more and more each month it goes unpaid.  

    Third, the copay to the insurance is part of what that child support is for, if the child isn't getting CS then how is the copay to be paid?  I've been a civilian family member on Tri Care, it's not that great and the child is better off with state insurance than Tri Care.  

    Last, child Support isn't payment for visiation.  Just because he pays doesn't automatically mean he can see the child.  He has to go to court and have the order changed.  Until that happens it is her call whether he sees the child or not. 


  • luvmykidsmomof4
    October 10, 2012 at 1:37 PM

    he can call dhs himself.  they have a general 1-800 number.  he should tell them whats going on they will tell him what he needs to do.  if he has insurance then most of the time the baby must be on that.  if shes lying about everything you say she is then she will have to pay the state back for what she used.  make sure he has his own proof of documents, phone calls, etc.  if the babys mom is homeless now he can report her and get temp custody of his child.  also remember when in doubt consult a lawyer!

  • cjsmom1
    by cjsmom1
    October 10, 2012 at 1:57 PM
    Does he have any proof he was giving her money? If so he needs to hold in to it. He also needs to look into getting a lawyer and taking her to court for visitation. He needs to get visiting and child support set up through the court. Tell him not to send her anything, if the payments are not made through the child support system then they won't count.

Advice for Moms