For the last 6 months, my almost 6 year old stepson (who is at our home 50/50) has been caught touching himself in public and recently started touching his step-siblings and peaking on them in the bathroom as well as getting dressed. We have taken extreme measures like moving his bedroom to the opposite side of the house, putting Bells on his door, enrolling in therapy, rarely letting him out of our sight and even having a parent sleep in the other children's room.
He was caught yesterday rubbing my 5 year old's penis (above clothes). When he was caught, he explained that he wanted to touch my son's penis and so he waited until I was in the kitchen and then did it. It was premeditated, which is what scares me also. Last night, he admitted to touching my "baby" (the three year old on multiple occassions, as recent as this weekend, when he woke up and made sure that everyone was sleeping. He then went into my youngest son's room (where he was sleeping also) and woke him up by rubbing his penis. He told my son not to tell me, which my son agreed. :( It makes me sick and breaks my heart. These are two of many example... When my Stepson was explaining what he has done, he was very matter of fact and cold. He didn't seem remorseful at all.
I asked my Husband to allow my step son's biological Mom to care for him until we can get this under control. He clearly has too many temptations at our home and is targeting the younger kids. I am not sure if a this is considered molesting or if there are other issues. My step son has even gotten an erection from touching the other kids. My step son says that he thinks about touching my younger boys' privates every day.
Here is the issue: My husband thinks this is a slight over reaction and that we could handle this in home versus asking my step son's Mom to step in. He thinks that we can keep my step son in his bedroom for the majority of the time and watch him vigilantly while he is out of the bedroom. He wants me to forgive his son and give him a specificdate in which I think I can "move on" from this...
I am truly scared that his son will excalate and hurt my children more. I think he has done enough as it is.... I can't give a time frame as to when I will be "over this." I am angry, I am disgusted, I am so sad for my children... I am just wondering how others would react to this and if, in your oppinion, my reaction to this is justified or if it is an over-reaction.
If this were any other child, a kiddo at school or at daycare, I would be a Mama Bear and expect the preditor to be moved to a different class and have no contact with my children. I know this is slightly different but I am still just as concerned and upset. Thoughts please.... :(
Thank you all for your posts. His Mom has agreed to take him full-time until we get this all figured out. My husband agrees that he is a threat to the rest of the children and that we need to find out the source of all of this and fix it before he comes home.
One person mentioned "If this were your son, would you ship him off" (or something along those lines)? Trust me, I have thought of that. I know how hard this is on my husband. My heart aches for him, for my kids, for myself. No one is taking this easy, of course. Please keep in mind that just because he is not biologically my son, that doesn't mean that I don't love him or that this isn't hard on me too. I am having a very hard time sending him to his Moms as well. He is part of this family... However, at the end of the day, do we keep him here (because maaaaaybe that is what is best for him) or do we protect the other three children and place him in a home for the time being that is also safe for him.
We believe that we have made the right decision... Thank you all again.
by ColorMeCrazyOctober 9, 2012 at 11:45 AM
He needs to go IMO. He needs therapy immediately and I wouldn't allow him in the home anymore. I'm not saying this to be mean, he just obviously has a problem and it's your job to protect your other children. He's planning this stuff out, meaning that he absolutely knows what he's doing. He needs to be removed from the home.
I agree the the previous poster. For one thing you need to learn who has been touching him and make sure he is safe then find a counselor who specifically deals with this type of issue if the counselor you have isn't one. There is more going on here than just your step sons impulses. Does your husband know that if you know another child is a threat to your younger children and you fail to protect them that you can lose all of them? Just something to think about. This isn't something that you just get over.
by Kimberli3October 9, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Thank you for your feedback. I agree that this is learned... We have been very clear with our expectations of him and what he can/can't do. Even after having found out more awful things last night (from my stepson), we then caught him peaking on my 5 year old while he was in the bathroom because (according to my stepson) he "wanted to see his penis so he watched him." It's very scary. :(
Regardless of age, any and all unwanted touching is molesting. I would be afraid to send him back to bio moms since that may be where he learned this behavior. Hopefully the therapy he is in can reveal where it has happened to him. In my guy's family, one of the nephews went after his own brother and it was due to abuse he suffered when he was younger. Good luck with everything.
by som610October 9, 2012 at 11:59 AM
Just a question. If it was one of YOUR own children doing it to your other children what would you do? Would you send them off to some where for some else to control? How are you going to get it under control if he idn't there to work on it with?
I am in no way saying what is happening is right or that he should be around your kids at all. I don't know what I would do if that was to happen in my house. But try and look at it from his dad's point of view. He is still his kid. He learned this from some where and you don't want to send him right back in to that situation. Your husband probably wants to protect his own son as well.
by Mommy4000October 9, 2012 at 12:00 PM
To me, molestation means intent. I don't believe that your step son has the intent to molest your children because at his age he can't possibly fully understand these behaviors or desires. I think he needs serious help, and where this stems from needs to be found immediately. It is highly likely that he is himself being molested by someone. It really concerns me that your husband is brushing this under the rug like it's not as big of a deal as it is. He certainly shouldn't be in your home, until this is figured out. So sorry your family is going through this.