Im a stay at home mother who has 4 children. My oldest son Ethan who is 5 is from another relationship. Met my husband when Ethan was 14 months and we have grown into a bigger family with my other 3 children who are 3 and 18 month twin boys. I would say Ethan's father loves him but he is not strongly involved in doing activities with him and sends him away to grandparents so he can have more adult time with his girlfriend. I had Ethan shortly out of high school and had to juggle a part time job and finding rides to get to work and taking care of him, My husband was going to college in my home town where we met. We got married and had unplanned pregnancies but knew to keep working and for him to finish school to better financially support our family, we had to go on state aid but always said we will only use it to get us off our feet and to keep working hard to get of it. Well that day has happened for us and My husband landed a nice paying job down state ( we live in Michigan, the U.P.) close to family with helping hands and better schooling.We got a ourselves a lawyer and went to court to be able to move with Ethan. I have joint custody with his father. We needed to move to better Ethan and our family's life. We could take Ethan off of all stat aid, could pay for school lunch, medicaid and move him out of public housing and where i could have help with Ethan with his school work or take him to do activities . Judge did not see it bettering Ethans life and only to better mine. He could not keep a close bond with his father. I dont know how it would be better for Ethan to be away from his brothers and mother. His father's lawyer was trying to tell me and the judge that my husband can work 3 jobs and I start work and put all our kids in free child care and to live off of state aid because we can get it for free and that is a good way of living. I want a house to put my children in, to be off state aid, to be able to take them on vacations and be able to give them nice winter clothes and give money to them for school things. Friends and family tell me its the best for my family to move but I have anxiety when im away from Ethan, he is my life and everything to me, Im so torn from this, I feel helpless. Why cant I take him with me. I have to choose money over my son. What will he think? that i left him? I wont to have a strong bond with him. I wont know whats going on with his school. IM going to keep fighting in court to get them to let me take him.
I dont move for another few weeks. I need advice NOW I need help. Can I win in court next time??? should I stay and live poor, as long as Im with all my children. By the way there is NO good full time paying jobs in the U.P. with benefits. Please give me advice please or how to cope with this.
by frndlyfnOctober 8, 2012 at 5:21 PM
So you are staying within the state but down to other side? Find yourself a lawyer if you can to fight keeping him with you when you move. We moved with mom to a state 3 hrs away from dad so i do not know how he could not keep a bond with his dad through phone calls, letters/cards, occasional visits etc. How far (driving time wise) are you moving?
by tnt1014October 8, 2012 at 5:24 PMGo back to court.
I would never leave one of my children.
by lilmama8408October 8, 2012 at 5:24 PMHow often does he get DS now? Maybe if you kept the same visitation and maybe gave him some extra time during school vacations and summer vacation and maybe he would sign off on it.
by MrsACruz3October 8, 2012 at 5:34 PMI don't know MI rules but unless you have a stipulations in your court order that he can't be moved more than X amount of hours away from dad, I'm not sure why you'd even need a lawyer and all that because its in state.
October 8, 2012 at 5:50 PMWhat does the paperwork say. Does it say you can not move x number of miles from bio-dad or you can not leave the state.
Moving down here is not moving out of state. I would go back to court. You have a right to move around the state. The only thing they should be able to say is that you will have to drive 1/2 way or drive one way.
DHs bio-dad lives up north and he used to drive down to see his children.
Just out of curiosity where are you moving.
I live in Leonard but Dh want to move to the u.p. LOL.
October 8, 2012 at 5:53 PM
You should be able to beat that since its in the same state.
October 8, 2012 at 5:55 PM
Please don't leave without your son :( I agree with the question of how far is the drive time? Seems if it's not that far, and really important to you to move, you should offer to do the driving. Then there is no change for dad.
October 8, 2012 at 6:00 PM
Right now its 26/26 weeks each we both live in the same city in the U.P. I would be moving 8 hrs away in the same state just down state in the mitten. Green bay Wisconsin would be closer to move but thats a different state. I offered for parenting time to be 37 wks for me and 15 wks for him, it would be the most time he could get with Ethan with out interfering with school, meaning all holiday breaks/spring breaks with the father and 11 weeks in the summer and one weekend a month, meeting half way to the Mackinac bridge which would be 4 1/2 drive for me and 3 1/2 hour drive for the father, but he did not want to even talk about having him move with me so we had to go to court. I cant move more then 100 miles with out approved by the judge or father and this is more then 100 miles.
by terpmamaOctober 8, 2012 at 6:00 PMGo back to court
October 8, 2012 at 6:53 PMWould be moving to Lexington